29-03-24 / UTAH VIDEO DIARY

Finally got around to cutting up the lark from the astro/eclipse trip to Utah in October. I still struggle to get on board with calling it a ‘vlog’ because a) v-log is the name for my picture profile in my current camera of choice, but mostly because b) “vlog” is a wanker in the world of words. (Whatever Grandpa, yeah Grandpa says fuck off).

10-03-24 / LAPLAND

Back from a trip to Finnish Lapland on a mission to film the northern lights for the new short. I wasn’t feeling too optimistic after four nights of constant cloud cover, but then everything changed. I was at the edge of a frozen lake and didn’t know how far out was safe, or even where land became water under the thick snow, but it turned out I needed to be further away from all the car headlights that repeatedly crapped all over the sequence. Overkill LED beams reflecting off snow created a perfect storm of problems. Talking of perfect storms (sorry, had to), later that same evening on a quiet country road, immense geomagnetic activity rained down in every direction. A truly stunning and rapid show of colour and light writing patterns in the sky, it lasted so long I was able to fully wallow in the spectacle between and during setups. My phone kept pinging with alerts that it was visible in the UK, such was its magnitude. Talk about being in the right place at the right time.

The following day it was all clouds again, with one more appearance on the final night, albeit lower and less hectic. I captured that one from the edge of another lake where passing car lights weren’t too much of an issue. Then the fog rolled in and every passing light suddenly made the entire scene glow, resulting in a sequence beyond repair. But let’s not be greedy, I’d had my fair share. The temperature only went as low as minus 11, which wasn’t as cold as predicted. It actually feels colder back here at home, which I can only put down to the increased humidity.

20-10-23 / ANNULAR SOLAR ECLIPSE IN UTAH

No matter how many words I write here it’s going feel incomplete. This was an absolute treat of a trip to the USA, filming the annular solar eclipse and a load of night sky goodness for my upcoming short film about the solar system (for which The Terminator was a test run).

Things started with an unexpectedly warm welcome in Salt Lake City. I say “unexpectedly” in comparison to the icy boggers at the likes of JFK NY. The passport control guy chuckled “Ahaaa my first eclipse guys. What is it with you guys? I don’t get it. It’s not even that spectacular”, which may not sound particularly warm but his droll AF indifference cracked me up.

Picked up the car and spent the first night at a local hotel before leaving Utah for Ely, Nevada. Stopped for some supplies en route and I’d forgotten how MASSIVE everything is in the US. Enormous Halloween pumpkins, gargantuan bags of popcorn, and toilet cubicles that could house a whole shitting family. The jet lag was mental but considering I was set to shoot all night and sleep in the day I hoped it might work out alright. The first couple of nights’ work were scuppered by clouds though, not to mention freezing temperatures and even a dash of snow at one point. During the day my body woke after 3-4 hours no matter what.

After a few days came the first crystal-clear-all-night forecast but I wasn’t functioning properly. Fear of burn-out before eclipse day forced some rest. Well, rest of a sort. My sub-optimal back-up workflow with slow USB drives was painful so I took the chance to keep on top of that while staying in.

Choosing the right location for the eclipse had taken weeks of planning. While it’s standard to have plans B and C in case of shitty weather, one particular site located up a dusty road about 100 miles away back over the state line in Utah was too excellent to pass up as the absolute primary choice. The hope was that the dusty road, which turned the car from black to grey, would deter all but the most dedicated chasers. Plan B was off the main highway a further 45 minutes on but it was sure to be busier due to the ease of access. Nor was it in the zone of annularity (in red below) where the moon passes through the very centre of the sun’s disc, and that was a dealbreaker for me.

To set up the tracker, which enables the camera to follow the sun over the whole 3 hour eclipse duration, it ideally has to be aligned using the stars. This necessitated sleeping on-site and leaving the tripods set and aligned before dawn. We arrived at the location around 17h the night before and I ran around shooting the last fiery light before the dark set in. The forecast was cloudy at night, clearing by the morning, but it remained magnificent with stars in all directions so I shot a few tests with the tracker to verify alignment, and eventually attempted sleep in the car. Managed an hour or so, waking at 6am to a blanket of cloud as the sun started to rise. Agh. First contact was due just after 8am (and we almost failed here because crossing the state line back into Utah pushed the time zone back 1hr). Below are images of the night before and the morning after (click to enlarge) -

At around 7:30, from my perch up on the hill I spotted the dust cloud of a distant vehicle approaching and when it got closer I saw the word SHERIFF emblazoned on the side. Then it turned up the track and started roaring up the hill. When he finally pulled up, talking into his radio, I was sure he was going to say this was sacred ground or some such, thus explaining why nobody else was here. Instead he got out of his car, hitched his trousers like a proper sheriff, and immediately exclaimed that we were “the smartest guys around”. Which felt pretty good to a thicko like me. Turns out everyone else had crowded out the other location by the highway, including four private aircraft. This real-life sheriff turned out to be an extremely nice bloke, congratulating us on choosing his favourite spot, just as another car rolled in with a solitary chap inside, shortly followed by an retired geologist lady in an SUV. So, a grand total of only four in this prime location. The sheriff left to do sheriffy stuff and the clouds were starting to thin but still played hell with the exposure for the first half of the eclipse. It more or less cleared by the moment of annularity and could have been a LOT worse. We captured it in both white light and hydrogen alpha (quick frame grabs below) and I even got to experience a small dust devil popping into life and noisily whizzing right past me. Proper desert stuff. Better desert stuff than being bitten by a rattlesnake and collapsing onto a cactus while drinking my own piss and being pulled apart by vultures, at least.

Following the eclipse the climate basically turned into summer and the lonnnnnnnng roads were a treat to cruise along, despite the cumulative fatigue of almost no sleep. The evenings remained chilly but the skies were constantly clear and full of tasty astro treats. I even managed to catch what appeared to be some sort of rapid-fire, freak meteor shower that I’ve yet to examine properly. More on that as I get things processed, which might take a while.

03-09-23 / ‘LIDL MADAM’

This supermarket tantrum could be heard from the moment I entered the shop, right down at the opposite end of the building. In reality it went on for a LONG time before I decided to start capturing it, mostly consisting of the same repeated phrase. It was cute and strange and downright baffling all at the same time.

16-08-23 / DOKUFEST, KOSOVO

Just returned from jury duty at the mighty Dokufest in Prizren, Kosovo. There’s so much to love about this important festival and I’d been itching to go back since my last visit in 2016 so I was buzzing to be invited back. Big thanks to ‘cyclopath’ Eroll Shporta for going out of his way to show me some hiking routes so I could sneak away to film the night sky when weather permitted, and much gratitude to Samir Karahoda, Eroll Bilibani, Veton Nurkollari and the rest of the team, including all the enthusiastic volunteers.

Massive congratulations to winners Douwe Dijkstra with Neighbour Abdi (Netherlands) and Christian Avilés with Daydreaming So Vividly About Our Spanish Holidays (Spain). Finally, no thanks at all to Wizzair for a truly dreadful flying experience in both directions. Here’s a quick mash of random moments from the trip -

13-06-23 / ‘THE TERMINATOR’ WINS AT HAMBURG SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

This time of year seems to come around so fast - yet also never fast enough - for I love visiting Hamburg Short Film Festival more than most places in life. I took some stress with me this year and unfortunately it increased with accumulating insomnia, plus I burned my head (that sunshine!) BUT… my film The Terminator won the Triple Axel competition. This award is voted by the audience, which is extra satisfying when a previous film of mine rated so poorly in this same competition. But bollocks to that time - this time was much better :)

The Terminator is a truncated version of a longer short that I’m still filming. This year’s competition had the submission topic ‘AT NIGHT’ and almost all of my filming over the last year has been under the stars, meaning this opportunity to test the waters became a no-brainer. This first audience response made all the chilly nights of filming feel worthwhile while there’s still so much to do for the full version. An encouraging shot in the arm from lovely Hamburgers. There’s something you don’t get to say every day.

I usually dodge awards ceremonies and only went to this one because I was asked to snap some pics for my mate Andrew Brand’s moment receiving a well-deserved Special Mention for his film Buzz. My body almost fell out of my arse when they announced my win. I was a bit embarrassed to take the stage in my last and scruffiest clothes, complete with dried splashes of food down my back after a waiter had a little accident with a bowl of ramen a couple of hours earlier. Oh the glamour.

It was frustrating having to miss a unique screening of my 2001 film Bass Invaders, which was projected on an outdoor ceiling in the city centre for the anniversary edition of A Wall Is A Screen, but I had to choose between that and the open air screening of The Terminator under the stars. Too appropriate to miss. Quite a few people generously sent me images from Bass Invaders as it happened and it looked like loads of [loud] fun. I do regret not risking the effort to attend both events because in the end I think I had just enough time to make the dash between them, but you can’t have everything and I’d have probably thrown up my falafel in the rush. Maybe even during my Q&A.

A customary shout to some favourite titles from the handful I got to see between the International and Mo & Friese children’s competitions – Douwe Dijkstra’s Neighbour Abdi (Netherlands), Enrique Pedráza-Botero & Faye Tsakas’ Alpha Kings (USA), Christian Avilés’ Daydreaming So Vividly About Our Spanish Holidays (Spain), Shuli Huang’s Will You Look At Me (China), Masoud Moein Eslam’s Tehran (Iran), Jorn Leeuwerink’s Pig (Netherlands), Sammy Sidali’s P.D.O. (France), Natalia Chernysheva’s Sunflower (France) and Buzz by Andrew Brand (UK) who became something of a star to the kids (and took most of the photos featured here).

And a massive THANK YOU to the British Council Travel Grant Scheme for helping fund the trip!

UPDATE : The Wall Is A Screen team just sent me these lovely images below from the Bass Invaders screening I missed. Click for full size. All pics by Peter Haueis.

09-05-23 / CJ’S MIRRA MAZE - SELF MEDICATE

Got my best scissors out for this one. A proper rabbit hole of intense late nights and obsessive precision madness. There’s an article on both the music and the video here.

20-04-23 / NEW FILM ‘THE TERMINATOR’ SELECTED FOR HAMBURG SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Pretty damn delighted to say that the film I’m currently working on, truncated to a three-minute version and titled The Terminator, has been selected for the Triple Axel competition at the Hamburg Short Film Festival. Those utter champs!

31-03-23 / PANCHIKO - UNTIL I KNOW

Official vid for new Panchiko single UNTIL I KNOW, pairing the band as roadies with avian family shenanigans. Obviously.

Muchos to the ever-reliable Television Workshop for providing the talent of Ozzy Dilks and Alexander Eggleston.

From the band : Until recently ‘Until I Know’ was just half of a 20 year old unfinished doodle of a song. The demo version featured on our album called Ferric Oxide, and has evolved through live shows into its current state of genre defining ‘top down cruising misery pop'!

16-03-23 / ARCHIVE DISASTER :(

It really doesn’t matter how vigilant you think you are when it comes to backing up data. At some point old man Lady Luck will be caught napping. I back things up in triplicate and yet still I suffered an archive corruption that has wiped out (in triplicate) a fair bit of unused material and a few short films in their entirety, leaving only the heavily compressed MP4 files intended for the internet. One film might be coming back to me in the shape of a festival DCP, from which i can extract a decent quality master, but the others are goners. Once I became aware of the trouble I had to comb through a considerable archive checking everything one folder at a time like the sweaty chump in films who has to snip the correct wire on a bomb. This exercise would have been fun were it not for the utter dread that accompanied it.

09-03-23 / PANCHIKO - FAILED AT MATH(S)

Offical vid for the new release by Panchiko FAILED AT MATH(S) using footage I shot 20 years ago, which seemed appropriate considering the band's unreal [re]origin story. Said story is nicely documented online by the likes of Vice or The Guardian if you’re interested.

06-11-22 / FIREWORKS

Every year on November 5th and/or New Year’s Eve I reconsider a short idea I had mega-years ago concerning fireworks. This year I decided to start the ball rolling before it atrophied completely. Having only just returned from a trip to France via London two days before, I made the decision to drag my arse back down to Bigtown to see what I could film. All manner of strategising ensued via a combo of google maps, topographical maps, meteorological data, and conflicting reports of certain events being cancelled or not.

I picked Parliament Hill in the north as my vantage point, where I’d be able to see random displays to the south over the London skyline and also catch the Alexandra Palace display to the north. Naturally, the weather ruined pretty much everything with a fine, constant drizzle guaranteeing fuzzy visibility in all directions. I might be able to pull something from the footage I shot earlier in the evening but it will mean a shitbox of trickery, which is precisely what I wanted to avoid.

The Alexandra Palace fireworks weren’t visible from Parliament Hill in the end, and the unexpected wealth of displays to the south meant that Primrose Hill would have been the better shooting location. As it stands, I might have to return on New Year’s Eve to try and bag the big display over the Thames, providing it isn’t raining/snowing/hailing. Despite all the effort I still can’t help wondering if I’ll actually make the film. Or whether it’s actually worth making.

29-09-22 / LAUGH OR LOSE YOUR SHIT COMPLETELY

The last few days have been the sort to choose maniacal laughter over climbing a water tower. I’ve no idea what’s up with the cosmos but it must have fallen from the wrong side of bed and landed on a piece of Lego.

It’s the time of year I’d usually be at Encounters Film Festival in Bristol. Ostrich Theory premiered there in 2020 but, like every other festival in 2020 (and most of 2021) it was a pandemic edition, meaning strictly online. In 2022 they are now giving a selection of shorts from those previous two years their rightful moment in a cinema. Huzzah!

More than any other film I’ve made, this one was crafted specifically for theatrical exhibition. With one exception, I missed the opportunity to experience it with an audience. Now that its festival run is over, I was well up for this magical last chance to see it in a cinema and hear the 5.1 audio for the first (!) time. I went through every stage of trying not to lose my shit in order to make it to Bristol. Alas, old man lady luck had other ideas.

Rail strikes cancelled all Saturday trains leaving Bristol, meaning my return journey. As consolation I was permitted to use the same ticket for travel on Friday or Sunday; a rare gesture of flexibility for the UK’s bend-over-and-brace-yourself excuse for a train service.

Then I arrived at Nottingham station for the 10:07 departure to Bristol and it was... cancelled. Due to ‘a shortage of drivers’. Duly informed that I could use my ticket to take the next train at 11:07, I waited the hour for that one to also evaporate. A fatality on the line. The third in two weeks, apparently. There was no available information on when the line might reopen, someone was dead, and a driver was scarred for life. Well that did it for me. I turned tail and drifted back home like a dazed ghost, trying to keep perspective. I’m alive. Relax.

Then my mum has an accident and was taken to hospital. Then my sister became trapped in Florida by hurricane Ian (“Ian” ffs), without power and unable to go outside. When hurricane Simon comes-a-blowing I hope it sweeps right through Westminster and takes our Prime Arseblister’s government to a distant island where they have nothing left to destroy but each other.

All images are tableaux from Ostrich Theory after being put through the AI mincer to better illustrate my current mood about the country I live in and the jokers who run it. 

02-07-22 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ IN VIMEO’S ‘BEST OF STAFF PICKS’ & LONGLISTED FOR ‘BEST OF THE YEAR’

Those lovely boggers at Vimeo have gone and selected Ostrich Theory for their Best Of Staff Picks channel and also longlisted it for Best Of The Year.

07-06-22 / FIRST INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL VISIT SINCE 2019 (JUST ABOUT)

After getting tangled in the cancelled flights debacle that continues to plague the UK, I gratefully managed to visit Hamburg International Short Film Festival, my annual regular since Ye Olde 2002. This was their first live edition since the pandemic and I was so joyed to be reacquainted with it that I didn’t even see any films. Well, that's to say I watched two special programmes dedicated to restoration/archiving but didn't catch any competition programmes. Crazy considering they are my fuel, but it was very much about the people for me this time. I enjoyed the Schnapps wardrobe more than once - an unassuming cupboard on wheels containing a snug table for two with a hatch cut into the rear where someone serves you with free shots and chat. The pic below was taken at dawn so the wardrobe is closed for orders.

What I loved less was the fiasco getting out of the UK. To be fair, it doesn’t amount to a hill of beans compared to proper shit that’s happening in the world, which gave me pause where I once would have been fuming. While the UK's travel infrastructure appears to be collapsing under the weight of its desperate grab to catch up post-covid, I entered Heathrow and looked at the departures board to see my Eurowings flight was cancelled. Being subsequently directed from one queue to another while disgruntled passengers became emotional, it took about an hour to be issued a replacement flight for the following morning, plus a hotel room in some urban desert. I'd heard a week of daily horror stories on UK radio about flight cancellations and, seeing the crying teenage athlete and her incandescent mother opposite me ("My daughter has trials for the German national team!"), I knew it could always be worse. I'd merely lose one precious day in Hamburg but at least I'd get there.

Not so fast though. A bus from the hotel back to Heathrow at 6am the next day and my newly issued document wouldn’t scan me through the barrier. I was informed that it wasn’t a recognised code and actually not even a boarding pass, which I would now have to go and get from check-in. In short, I wasn’t checked in and had not been told this when I was issued the new flight (nice one Eurowings). The upshot of this was that my new boarding pass was a ‘standby’ and I could only board the plane IF someone failed to turn up. Unlikely considering the flight was oversubscribed with the previous day’s cancelled passengers, but I chanced my arm and made sure I was at the front of the ‘standby’ queue to watch the flight slowly fill up. For a moment it looked like all of us standbyers were going to get on, until a crowd of lucky-bastard latecomers dashed to the gate and dashed my dreams. Then a PLOT TWIST as an unfortunate German girl wasn’t allowed to board because she hadn’t checked in properly so they gave me her place and, by the skin of my teeth, I was away.

Being in Hamburg was nothing short of magical and I really needed to be in a country where stuff just works. Naturally, everything turned instantly brown again in the UK. Another London underground strike meant apocalyptic bus scenes where everyone was packed in to illegal levels but nobody would get off. You can imagine how popular I was with a case and backpack. The driver had a meltdown, screaming his merry head off at still-boarding passengers because he risked losing his licence, switching off the engine and refusing to move. Precisely while all this was happening my phone informed me that our dipshit PM survived his vote of no confidence and is now free to go on screwing up the country. Four hours after landing I could finally chuck my feet up and shout at the patchy Obi Wan Kenobi on my mate’s telly. It isn’t so hard to keep a sensible perspective on these relatively trivial woes during times of actual crises that I’m fortunate not to experience, but boy is the arse falling out of our infrastructure.

04-05-22 / FRAUD AT FILMFREEWAY - THE PLOT THICKENS

Following on from my previous post about fake festivals on FilmFreeway, a newsletter just went out from Romainia’s Astra Film Festival concerning another angle of fraud on the platform. You can see a detailed article here but key extracts from the newsletter are:

Recently three festivals in Romania were affected by unauthorized usage of their festival identity. Fake festival accounts were created on FilmFreeway submission platform without the consent of the organizers and without even being aware that they had an open call there. These fake festival accounts seem to be created for monetary income and for data collection.

FilmFreeway does not have a clear-cut policy for checking the identity of the persons who create the festival accounts. There are more and more cases when they use existing festival identity, announce the call for submission, and take the income, harming not only the reputation of the festivals but they are misleading thousands of aspirant filmmakers who apply on these fake festival accounts. And they illegally receive the income of submissions.

Film submitters should double-check a festival’s official website where exactly they have to submit their film, and if the festival has an official account on FilmFreeway or other submission platforms.

- Astra Film Festival Team

A couple of times in the past few years I have been notified of fake listings for known festivals and I was fortunate enough to be refunded. How many aren’t so lucky? The bottom line here is that FilmFreeway need to get their act together sharpish before a better-policed alternative steps in. Let’s hope that festival fraud is finally too conspicuous to flourish unchecked.

08-04-22 / ONLINE RELEASE & VIMEO STAFF PICK FOR ‘OSTRICH THEORY’

Ostrich Theory is now available to view online and I’m loving the excellent folk at Vimeo for gracing it with a Staff Pick.

01-04-22 / ‘SOFT’ AT ‘THIS IS SHORT’

The excellent annual short film portal This Is Short, an initiative by four REAL festivals - Oberhausen (Germany), GoShort (Netherlands), Short Waves (Poland) and Vienna Shorts (Austria), starts today. You get three whole months to fill your boots with properly curated programmes of excellent shorts like, ahem, Soft, which features in the programme Two Short Films About Shame from tomorrow. Click the image below to buy a pass for the whole shebang for €20 (or an Industry Pass for €25).

15-03-22 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT REGENSBURG SHORT FILM WEEK

Because that lovely lot at Regensburger Kurzfilmwoche are such mighty champs, Ostrich Theory will be screening there next week. Specifically, it’s on the 21st, which is a Monday, so if you’re anywhere near Regensburg and you think Mondays are shit - go sink your bum cheeks into a comfy seat at Leerer Beutel Filmgalerie.

14-02-22 / BOGUS FESTIVALS SELLING LAURELS (or HOW I BOUGHT A COWBOY A CURRY)

A cautionary tale for anyone planning a film festival strategy and wondering which ones to spend money on. Before I get to the main point, it’s worth addressing a relevant trend in the short film landscape. I’m talking about the habit of drowning a film’s poster and/or thumbnail with a noisy splat of ‘official selection’ laurels. I’m not really sure when laurels were deemed appropriate for selections, as opposed to prizes, or when selections for anything from Cannes to Coventry were considered worthy of a shout, but here we are. Perhaps the sheer volume of films being made in a democratised age, and the increasing number of festivals out there to accommodate them, has created this increased desperation to be noticed. Laurels have become a grim sort of currency, which in turn has birthed more fake festivals born out of someone’s laptop, offering you easy ‘prizes’ for your marketing. If you don’t happen to agree that a poster with so many laurels you don’t know where to look appears needy, and you might not, I can only hope you don’t find this post interesting for the wrong reasons.

Last November a typical ‘call for entries’ email dropped into my inbox with a link to the festival’s submission page on a FAMOUS FILM FESTIVAL PLATFORM. The fee was only five pounds and, after being initially bamboozled by the insane 65 (!) submission categories, which included daft crap like Best Poster and Best Trailer (the flag is big and very red), I plumped for the experimental category. Don’t ask me why I bothered because I’ve no idea.

Later that day I took a closer look at the festival’s listing and saw that, despite their imminent deadline, their ‘event’ was listed to take place only two days afterwards. Now, the average time it takes a festival to make their selections and host their event is a few months - two at best - so, wondering if I’d just bought two coffees for a charlatan, I emailed them asking how this could be possible. Their reply - “Our team members are many people”.

A subsequent sniff of their website revealed a rather unclear schedule of MONTHLY selections. The official blurb stated ‘After a film has been an official selection, the filmmaker will be notified, and eventually the film will be listed on the festival website under Official Selections. The Official Selection status doesn’t mean that your film will be screened at the festival. It means that your film has been appreciated by our judges of panel and you can use the festival logo on your poster’. Selling laurels to suckers, then. And the only mention of an actual festival is the utterly nebulous ‘Annual event will be held in SINGAPORE OR INDIA’. To further confuse matters there is only a list of selections for the random months of February, August and October. Confused yet? Try to bear with me as the plot thickens.

A few days later I received a super-personal email (‘Dear Filmmaker’…) bearing congratulations for winning BEST EXPERIMENTAL FILM, complete with an attached PDF certificate and a request to take a selfie with it for the festival’s Facebook page. You couldn’t make it up. Their listing on the FAMOUS FILM FESTIVAL PLATFORM is full of these selfies in lieu of real festival photos. One chap who could use an extra pair of arms poses with a clutch of them, all framed, like a proper multi-award winning legend.

I then received another email from an ostensibly different festival, once again inviting me to submit, and I couldn’t help noticing that its listing on the FAMOUS FILM FESTIVAL PLATFORM was a copy/paste of the aforementioned festival in all but name – also in its first year, also originating from India, with all the same categories (a separate fee for each), also ‘gold status’ (meaningless), and again accepting any film of any genre made since 2010 (!). Well bugger my ear with veg, I could dip into my back catalogue and top up the award-count for any number of titles, amassing literally hundreds of bogus prizes if I’m willing to pay a fiver for each one. And this particular listing doesn’t even try to pretend that it hosts an event of any kind, having no website and no screenings, either in real life or online. The pandemic-induced absence of live shows surely helps legitimise this and it’s hard not to admire someone’s cunning, but how they are allowed to call themselves a festival and accept submission fees from filmmakers is frankly bananas. I doubt they even watch the films.

I made the FAMOUS FILM FESTIVAL PLATFORM aware of it and they thanked me for bringing it to their attention. Nothing changed. Draw your own conclusions.

More calls for entries burped into my inbox - a new one every few days - all the same listing but with a different festival name (one is called Golden Deer and another Golden Horse but still no Golden Goldfish). Then - PLOT TWIST - I won a second ‘award’ from another clone I didn’t even realise I’d submitted to. That means I no longer spent a mere five pounds on this scam, but a whole ten, which is more than a couple of coffees and more like a curry. With rice. It’s all way more exciting than the book I’m reading so I continue to badger the FAMOUS FILM FESTIVAL PLATFORM and they say there’s little they can do (err… duh). By this time I’ve been contacted by over 10 dupli-fests and even emailed them back saying they aren’t real, with zero comeback. Then something funny happens.

As I’m checking out the various listings and marvelling at the the thought of a real-life Skeletor cackling on a bed made of filmmakers, I spotted the same photograph of a winner holding up his certificate on two different festival pages. In both cases the certificates were clumsily photoshopped by Skeletor’s infant son for extra pocket money, meaning neither image is the original (and likely meaning further dupes). Like a snivelling little snitch, I snitched, and these two listings (at least) were removed from the FAMOUS FILM FESTIVAL PLATFORM. A minor victory, but the rest are all still up there, plus however many others I’m not aware of.

In summary, when you consider how many films which can't get a look-in elsewhere are suddenly given a chance to amass laurels, you quickly understand just how much money someone is wiping their arse with. Especially when there are over 60 categories, all with separate fees, for any film from the last decade, then multiply the whole scam again and again with multiple renamed versions of the same 'festival'... You may as well save the submission fee and invent a festival of your own, or send me cash and I'll happily send you laurels for BEST FOCUS courtesy of Prawn Cracker Film Festival, Nut Sac Film Fortnight, or even the prestigious Golden Flannel. Your poster couldn’t look better.

Jokes aside, this is exactly what someone is doing. And they are getting away with it. I shudder to think on what scale.

07-02-22 / INTERVIEW

A wee interview I did with The New Current following the screening at British Shorts in Berlin.

21-01-22 FIRST FESTIVAL ATTENDANCE IN THIRTY MONTHS

It’s mad to think I hadn’t been to a live festival since June 2019 but last night I broke the spell with a brief pop to London Short Film Festival. It represented what could be my only chance to see Ostrich Theory with an audience and I’m glad I made the effort since it was made with the theatrical experience in mind. The sound design really paid off and the 5.1 audio worked a treat, which was very bloody satisfying indeed.

14-01-22 ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ IN BERLIN

It’s been WAY too long since I visited Berlin. Were it not for omicron travel complications I would have attended British Shorts. It’s a smashing month for Ostrich Theory between this, Stuttgart, Minimalen and London, and could have been a tasty little tour to compensate for two years of visiting no festivals whatsoever.

07-01-22 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ IN LONDON

Some people visit London to see Tower Bridge, Big Ben, Piccadilly Circus, Buckingham Palace, or even the Queen herself. You can see all of these* and more by catching Ostrich Theory at London Short Film Festival on the 20th.

*The Queen is inside a car behind darkened windows but it still counts.

04-01-22 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT MINIMALEN

Just in case you happen to be ambling through Norway on the 13th, all dispirited because you wanted to see the northern lights but only saw clouds, you can at least nip to Trondheim and catch Ostrich Theory on a fancy big screen at Minimalen Short Film Festival.

02-01-22 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT STUTTGART FILMWINTER

It may be the home of Porsche and Mercedes-Benz but Stuttgart is all about Filmwinter, who screen Ostrich Theory next week on the 11th and 13th.

21-12-21 / SHORT FILM DAY

Soft made the list of recommended films to celebrate International Short Film Day. There are quite a few in the full list I haven’t seen, but I’m happy that Julia Ducournau’s Junior is finally online. I have fond memories of seeing that on the big screen and laughing off a Sunday morning hangover.

18-11-21 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT SAPPORO SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Ahh Sapporo, such brilliant memories of attending and being lucky enough to visit Japan for three consecutive editions. It’s great to be back in this festival again.

16-11-21 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT PÖFF SHORTS

Rinsed the online edition of PÖFF Shorts (biggest shorts festival in the Baltics) and enjoyed a mixed bag of films including some of the more offbeat titles - Yorgos Tzikas’ Lefkamos (Greece), Nora Longatti’s Strangers (Switzerland), Manolis Mavris’ Brutalia, Days of Labour (Greece), Marija Apcevska’s North Pole (North Macedonia), Assel Aushakimova’s Comrade Policeman (Kazakhstan), and it was fun to see that Nash Edgerton finally completed his ‘Jack trilogy’ with Shark (Australia).

01-11-21 / OWN GOAL

Horror show. I just attempted to submit Ostrich Theory for BAFTA consideration as the deadline I’ve had on record is 2nd November, but it turns out that the deadline was TWO WEEKS AGO. I googled the deadline again and still the top result is a link to BAFTA’s own regulations saying 2nd November, which happens to be LAST year’s regulations :o

28-10-21 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT MESSAGE TO MAN

Ostrich Theory will be screening in competition at Message To Man International Film festival in St. Petersburg from tomorrow.

27-10-21 / CRETAN ELECTRIC SKIES

Just back from a break in Crete and was lucky enough to film this :

15-09-21 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT SPLIT / GUANAJUATO / INDIECORK FILM FESTIVALS

Massive thanks to Split Film Festival in Croatia, Guanajuato International Film Festival in Mexico, and IndieCork in Ireland for exercising impeccable taste and programming Ostrich Theory in competition. Three proper festivals, gems all, ensuring that all those months of kamikaze, bollock-nipping rotoscoping weren't entirely in vain.

30-07-21 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT DOKUFEST

Jacked to be screening Ostrich Theory in competition at the mighty Dokufest next week. I've wanted to return to this beautiful festival in Kosovo for ages and as a much-needed getaway I honestly can't think of anywhere I'd prefer to be. Alas, four covid tests required, for a few hundred ££, despite full vaccination. It was a fun dream while it lasted.

15-07-21 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT DRESDEN FILMFEST

Big thanks to Filmfest Dresden, where Ostrich Theory is an official selection in the open air programme. I wanted so much to attend. Twinned with my birth city, Dresden is the first German city I ever heard of as a wee scrote. My intention to visit the fest has been scuppered a few times - on one occasion just two hours before departure. It's a curse I look forward to smashing but, for now, despite being double-punctured by vaccines, the rise in infections and fluctuating travel restrictions make the whole shebang a royally unpredictable pain in the arsedoor.

29-06-21 / HERE WE GO AGAIN

In honour of the England-Germany European Cup clash today, here’s my documentary World War Cup, concerning an audio recording I made in a city centre bar during a 2010 World Cup match between the two teams.

26-06-21 / THIS IS SHORT

Happy birthday to me. Having participated in Vienna Shorts I had access to the This Is Short portal, a huge online collection of the combined programmes from Oberhausen, GoShort, Short Waves and Vienna Shorts festivals. From the ones I picked through my personal favourites were Roman Hodel’s Das Spiel (The Game) (Switzerland), Dorian Jesper’s Sun Dog (Belgium), Jussi Eerola’s Blue Honda Civic (Finland), Davide Tisato’s Carbón (Switzerland, Cuba, France), Tomáš Hubáček’s Fibonacci (Czech Republic), Márk Beleznai’s Agapé (Hungary), Clélia Schaeffer’s Ten Years (Dix Ans) (France) and Olga Lucovnicova’s My Uncle Tudor (Moldova).

01-06-21 / ‘OSTRICH THEORY’ AT VIENNA SHORTS & HAMBURG SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Right - this is going to sound nuts - because it is. I haven’t changed a film’s title even once before, let alone twice, but after renaming my latest from the working title of Prelude (too serious, too overused) to Touristism (made me laugh but people kept thinking it was called Tourism and the film really is NOT about that), I’ve finally settled for keeps on Ostrich Theory. And it has had the pleasure of screening at Vienna Shorts in these last few days, plus Hamburg Short Film Festival this week. Some highlights for me from Vienna’s catalogue were Nicolas Gourault’s VO (France), Sebastian Mulder’s Naya (Netherlands), Emma Séméria’s Blackbirds (La Chamade) (France), Christina Garbi’s Now that Spring is Here (Greece), Gorana Jovanović’s Armadila (Serbia), Yann Chapotel’s Inside (France), and Milena Castro’s Julieta And The Moon (Chile).

06-02-21 / LOCARNO SHORT FILM WEEKS

The annual Locarno Short Film Weeks event, in honour of the shortest month. A new film online for free each day. So far I’ve enjoyed Stella Kyriakopoulos’ Mom's Movie (Greece, Spain) and Lasse Linder’s Nachts Sind Alle Katzen Grau (All Cats Are Grey In The Dark) (Switzerland).

02-02-21 / A DIFFERENT VIRUS

Made this cathartic lockdown quickie fun thing to stop myself destroying the kitchen radio when every interviewee on Radio 4 starts their sentence with “So” -

01-02-21 / CLERMONT-FERRAND MARKET PICK

Touristism, previously known as Prelude, is a market pick at Clermont-Ferrand Short Film Festival. It’s no official selection but it’s better than a stubbed toe, and it gave me access to the online festival portal where I enjoyed Sameh Alaa’s I Am Afraid To Forget Your Face (Egypt), Javier Marco’s A La Cara (Face to Face) (Spain), Nyima Cartier’s L'homme Silencieux (A Quiet Man) (France), and Jonatan Etzler’s Badaren (Swimmer) (Sweden).

28-12-20 / CONJUNCTION COMPILATION

A selection of captures over a seven day period as Saturn gets closer to Jupiter and its moons before passing.

20-12-20 / A LOCKDOWN [MIS]ADVENTURE

Saturn and Jupiter are closing together in our skies on their approach to a mad conjunction on December 21st which has been dubbed "The Christmas star", the likes of which hasn't been seen for 400 years. The 16th and 17th promised the addition of a crescent moon, and like any self-respecting idiot I had my eye on the UK weather for weeks, but all the forecasts said FUCK OFF in capitals.

The 16th was typically blighted by thick cloud cover, and on the morning of the 17th I stared at an equally depressing outlook. Naturally, I shook a defiant fist at the screen and packed a bag with my camera and two lenses. Tripod over my shoulder, I set off for the train station like an intrepid sort. A couple of hours on trains and buses then saw me in the middle of nowhere, miles from home in a spot with very little light pollution looking south. I still had a bit of daylight grace so walked another couple of miles and found a prime spot with nothing but pheasants for company. Noisy buggers, it turned out.

The sun went down, my nuts turned cold, and the clouds continued to raise a collective, scoffing middle finger. It didn't look promising. Just around the time when I started asking myself urgent life questions, a crack in the sky revealed a delicious banana of a moon. It was then mere minutes until I could see Jupiter. It became darker and not only did Saturn start winking at me like a proper tease, but I could see Jupiter’s moons Callisto, Io, Ganymede and Europa. Well smash my arse, I was pleased.

Alas, my joy was short-lived. My phone received a much-dreaded moment-of-truth email from Berlinale film festival to say that my new short film, which I'd worked countless hours on over three years, had been rejected. Instantly crushed and brought down from outer space to earth with a thud, the clouds then started to swallow the planets like a harsh exclamation mark.

And then it was dark. In every sense. Fingers crossed for Rotterdam, I groped, then packed up my stuff. Guided by head torch, I started the two mile walk to the bus stop. I'm a fast walker anyway but I put in the extra to arrive in good time. I'd been warned that in the dark I'd have to wave an illuminated phone if the bus driver was going to see me. So here I was, and the bus comes boiling around the corner at unnecessary speed, and I'm feverishly flapping my phone like a bird with one wing. I resisted jumping in front of it to make the bastard stop, but it zoomed straight past and off into the darkness, taking my spirit with it.

Should I wait an hour for the next one? What if the same thing happens? Etc. The temperature was dropping and there were only so many trains left back home from the town I was trying to reach, which was four miles away. “SHIT!” I barked at an indifferent grassy verge, and started walking. Google maps predicted a seventy minute journey so my feet became bullets and aimed for fifty. While I stamped along I thought about the bus driver and wished upon him an uncomfortable Christmas rash, at the very least.

I looked up to see an amazing sky, and quickly unpacked all my crap to capture it. But all I really managed to capture was a five minute delay. Back on with the bullet feet and three miles later it became clear that I was going to arrive late for my train by - you guessed it - five minutes. You have to laugh really. I definitely didn't though. By this point I'd produced enough sweat to put out a small fire, so I slowed to an amble. There was always a later train I could catch. The station had nothing to offer except trains, and the town was the grim birthplace of our country's own personal Satan (Thatcher). A sort of private hell, then. But I'd get home eventually. I did get the images I'd set out to capture after all, if only I could forget the Berlinale rejection.

Then I checked my emails and saw a rejection from Rotterdam.

29-11-20 / R.I.P. DAVID PROWSE

Back in the late 90s David Prowse gave me a decent chunk of his time for a smashing interview, despite my being 'warned' about him in advance by a stuffy, disingenuous Star Wars co-star. David turned out to be an absolute delight. A real person, easily smiling and chuckling.

07-10-20 / A STORM AND SOME STARS

Only just got around to processing this clip but, a few weeks ago, before Wales, myself and beats-botherer The Petebox headed 20 miles out of town to catch a meteor shower. Nature's cinema offered up something even better on the other channel as these duelling clouds had a relentless (and thunderless) shitfight 🤜⚡🤛

30-09-20 / PANCHIKO MUSIC VIDEO

There has been some noise on YouTube about ‘The Most Mysterious Album On The Internet’ after a CD was purchased in a charity shop and someone turned detective trying to discover its origins. The band in question (Panchiko) have since gained quite the following and the evolution of their belated success is quite brilliant. Conspiracy theories and accusations of a publicity stunt flourished, but it’s a straight-up weird success story. It just so happens that one of the founding members is a friend of mine so when he asked if I would do a video for their track Deathmetal I popped over to his place and, with a view to preserving their anonymity, we were done in less than an hour.

23-09-20 / NIGHT SHOOT IN SNOWDONIA, WALES

Just back from deepest darkest Wales, having finally shot a long-planned series of timelapses which required military precision to co-ordinate. It was for part of a documentary project I’ve been working on sporadically since 2015, about the manufacture of a unique loudspeaker. Transporting this 350kg monster to an optimum location for the shoot was no easy feat, requiring the creation of a bespoke trailer and 24-7 guard duty, performed in shifts by a team of three.

06-09-20 / FILIPIÑANA

Claps to Rafael Manuel for his double-whammy win at Encounters Film Festival with Filipiñana. A smashing short.

20-09-20 / ‘PRELUDE’ PREMIERES AT ENCOUNTERS

World premiere this week of my new short film Prelude at Encounters Film Festival. Geo-restricted outside the UK for now I'm afraid. This one has been a mammoth labour of love. Shot in 2017 and requiring endless frame-by-frame rotoscoping since then, all to depopulate the streets of London before some virus copied me.

07-08-20 / CINEUROPA INTERVIEW

A wee interview I did about As Dead As It Gets.

10-06-20 / NICE REVIEW OF ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’

"I found myself instantly engrossed in As Dead as it Gets... I was onboard with the characters from the beginning and each playthrough revealed more depth and details. Before I knew it I had spent 45 minutes exploring multiple paths". Full article here.

02-06-20 / RELEASE POSTPONED

As Dead As It Gets was supposed to be released today. Yesterday I thought I had better post at least a picture to but couldn’t bring myself to put a title like AS DEAD AS IT GETS out there in the wake of George Floyd’s murder. I told Wellington I couldn’t do it and they said they’d just heard that the release is being postponed for the same reason.

05-05-20 / PICTURE LOCK

We are finally locked after much feedback and debate. We now have two weeks to grade and mix, which will be interesting while everyone is in isolation.

17-04-20 / ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ TEST LAUNCH

Delivered for a ‘soft launch’ in New Zealand, where it will run for two weeks to pilot how people respond. The last two days largely consisted of making a mug float in front of Lee which wasn't shot on green screen. The problem was that he twisted his hips just enough to make his his legs/jeans move behind the puppeteering hand that I had to remove. Lots and lots of layers for five hours straight yesterday, then today I created a single TGA frame of just the thigh and keyframed a power-pin to warp-match the movement. In all, it was a total of one day on that one shot. It was funny spending hours rotoscoping while Lucas was on the other end of Zoom doing similar work on a different shot, occasionally swapping exclamations like "You BASTARD!". I still have my own big to-do list but this soft launch should unearth all sorts of feedback. The app has a very different feel to what I expected.

08-04-20 / IT HAPPENED

I just saw the first short film about an empty London, online. It was by someone I know. I could barely pluck up the courage to watch it and felt sick doing so. Even if I go full pelt to finish mine now it will surely be one of several hitting the festival circuit. It’s impossible to shake the thought of what might be different had I finished it sooner. Like 2018 sooner. Apart from being visually novel (not any more) this pandemic would surely reframe it. Or maybe I would have been burned as a witch. Either way, the feeling of the rug being pulled is deeply unpleasant while racing to the finish.

25-03-20 / UK GOES INTO LOCKDOWN

Two days ago we were officially locked down, so no more in-person editing with Lucas. We'll make it work somehow, although I've no idea how ADR would happen when we get to that stage. Perhaps we can post a zoom recorder from one actor to the next and do it remotely. In other news, I jumped out of bed last night when a helicopter vibrated noisily overhead for a good half-hour. This habit has become a regular inconvenience in recent years because the new short is full of helicopters and I like to avoid library sounds. I must get the film finished ASAP to counter the increasing dread that a wave of ‘barren city’ films might be on their way.

21-03-20 / EDITING, EDITING, EDITING

Lucas and I have changed up our routine due to schools having shut down and him having to play teacher. We do three hours in the morning, a long lunch break, then three hours in the afternoon. Let's see how it goes. It's a day by day thing and it looks like I won't be allowed to leave the house for editing within days if people continue to ignore social distancing advice. Lucas has been investigating tech to facilitate remote editing so I can share his screen from home. I’ve taken the extra time to start editing the opening section, which thankfully now works since we were able to reshoot a key scene before leaving Ilkeston.

19-03-20 / LIFE IMITATES ART

Here is a still from a short film I've been plugging away at since shooting in April 2017 - but paused when commissioned for As Dead As It Gets. Working title is Prelude. I had always intended to draft in post-production assistance from fellow spods to help get the film completed in decent time. Alas, the rotoscoping workload was WAY too heavy to expect any free help. This image is from one of the first sequences I completed, and I was lucky to get Big Ben just before it was silenced and covered in scaffolding for five years (!) of restoration work. The film isn’t quite finished yet and incalculable hours over the last three years have already gone into digitally depopulating London landmarks, the intended impact of which is surely now doomed if articles like this are anything to go by.

14-03-20 / EDITING / SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

No sooner had we escaped the prepping of VFX shots and started actual story editing, we’re now back to choosing VFX plates again. One step forward, two steps back. Our VFX artists are spread out between India, Paris, London and the USA, and there is some concern about losing people to coronavirus. The UK has started to self-isolate. Shop shelves are empty and selfish types are buying second freezers to stockpile. For now I'm still at Lucas' every day but he has a terrible cold which I gave him last week. Every morning when I arrive my nose starts to run as his germs pounce on me excitedly before realising I was the original host. I've started taking on some VFX myself and last night I came a cropper trying to construct a non-existent corridor plate from piecing together various other shots. Took a few hours but I got the sod done by skipping munch. We’re still beholden to a 3rd April delivery, which seems crazy when the world is shutting down and we're impossibly behind. It's lucky we finished shooting when we did as other shoots are now postponing worldwide.

05-03-20 / ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ WRAPS

The last three days. Corridor scenes. We broke a curse by finally completing the Monday call sheet. It’s a tricky shooting space and time spent laying tracks turned out to be time poorly spent. I finally caught the lurgey that’s going around and can't stop sneezing. Morning radio reports of the spreading coronavirus are concerning, and a few people are falling ill here, but I think it's just general exhaustion.

On Wednesday we had two units working at once, and I was able to zip back and forth between sets. Apart from one mishap where an actor on set two started chatting during an important take on set one, causing Mal to explode, it all worked out. We even completed ten minutes early. Drank too many cups of the celebratory Prosecco then went into town to eat with the production team.

01-03-20 / ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ WEEK FIVE

Yeah yeah, so Monday was tough. Tuesday was better, although I fucked up with a risky last-minute change, switching one character for another as a cause of someone’s death, then realising the implications when I got home for the evening. Couldn’t sleep for punching myself in the face. On Wednesday I checked the shot and decided that the problem could be resolved with some trickery in post, then found a quiet little room to spend lunch rewriting the next day’s big scene. We completed three of the sixteen story strands, which I think should probably be announcements on set - small victories to elevate morale as we creep closer to the finish line. All things considered, Wednesday wasn’t a bad day at all. Good vibes in the air.

Thursday’s big scene was tricky. By lunch we had a 'reality check' meeting about what we no longer have time to shoot. Changed some flashback scenes to photos, which can be created during post. In the afternoon I had to make a decision to press on after shooting three takes of a crucial moment, knowing that we didn’t quite nail it. Invisibly stitching two takes into one might salvage things. The day ended on a celebratory note when we managed to bag a key lobby scene in less than ten minutes by distilling everything into one shot, which enabled a key actor’s planned wrap. One of those vibes where the shitclock is ticking and all concerned get laser-focused with collective determination. Love it. On Friday morning we completed the scenes in Jonno's room, a super minimal set that is testament to the good old ‘magic of cinema’. Officially back on schedule. A new schedule, but hey we’re on it.

23-02-20 / ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ WEEK FOUR

Back to day shoots and Monday morning took four hours to get started because the lobby set wasn't quite ready, although this did gift me some time to find, print and frame archive pics of Coventry (where the story is set) for the lobby walls. Then, just as we were about to roll, a glass globe light fell from the ceiling and smashed exactly where an actor was about to be standing (and where a stand-in had just been laying). An extremely close call. The bulbs were apparently way too hot for the fitting. Mondays, yaaaaay.

Was sluggish on Tuesday after a crap night’s sleep, although it was the first day we completed the call sheet. Found myself pulled in all directions. Someone says “Simon...” on the left then as soon as you finish talking you turn around and someone on the right says "Simon...", then you deal with that and someone says “Simon...” from behind, and it just goes on and on. At one point I got so sick of my name and wanted to be called something else, like Thor. I did discover a moment of peace by going to the loo, but even then I walked out of the door to be intercepted by the 3rd AD. Ah Mister Penfold, I'll probably be looking over my shoulder for you months after this is over.

Wednesday involved an effects shot that took ninety minutes to shoot, and on Thursday we completed the call sheet again and even finished fifteen minutes early. Went to pub with everyone but shouldn't have because Friday was the toughest day so far. I let myself be persuaded to change a specific action in the film, partly to honour an actor’s last-minute request, partly due to a practical hiccup. Well, the knock-on effect has been too enormous to mention. This interactive lark is such a delicate house of cards and a change made so early in a timeline affects all parallel strands for maximum brain-ache. I’m really feeling the punishing pace and getting lost trying to simplify the remaining scenes, while wondering if this all-new clusterfuck will even cut together. There's just no time to reconstruct such an early scene without consequences, and today I paid the price all day long. Come Friday night I drank too much and woke up at 5am on the sofa, fully clothed :o

16-02-20 / ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ WEEK THREE

Monday shitstorm again. I looked out of the kitchen window in the morning and was reminded of something I asked months ago – “What if it snows?”. And here it came. Lots of it. Cancelled trains and traffic jams. Arrived on set to find crew sweeping snow off the square. Everyone seemed to be having a go and by the time they finished you’d never know it had been snowing. Crack team! It turned out to be a freezing but snow-free night, and Mal performed more scheduling witchcraft to bag us an extra night in Ilkeston before Friday’s return to the studio.

Wednesday afternoon I woke with a three-hour window to roughly edit the rushes of things we shot when it was too cold, to identify what was needed in a potential reshoot on Thursday (our last night on location). Half of the three hours vanished on phone calls, leaving only Thursday afternoon to do the edit, right before shooting. I also needed to recce the lobby set back in the studio, lest we turn up to find clanging problems that would set us back further next week, but I just didn't have time.

The noisy flagpole drove me bananas. The big town clock loomed over set like a constant reminder that we were running out of sand while a drunk lady appeared and laid out on our stretcher. Our actual-paramedics-playing-actors Annie and Naomi were brilliant, and we were lucky to have them when our champ runner Hannah burned her hand filling a hot water bottle. They dressed her wound and sent her home. It didn’t stop her coming straight back the next day, the pesky trojan. It rained for the last ninety minutes and actors were having to lay on wet ground. I got frustrated that we were carrying on and a weird head chill started to set in, but Mal was determined to wrap two actors who were due to wrap.

On Thursday our Estonian commissioners visited and seemed pleased with progress. The mighty Wellington Films secured us a less excruciating deadline, which was an immense relief. The local bell-ringing society were in full effect during the shoot. Location manager Emma Yeomans based herself in the church with them so they would stop when we turned over and resume when we cut, but the ringing had a mad effect on me and genuine fight-or-flight was setting in just before they finished. Then there was a drunk and abusive bloke who declared himself bipolar and tried to convince our black security guard that he wasn’t racist at all. He wouldn’t leave and started to distract the actors, so the police turned up and we had to go indoors while they struggled to escort him away. They were still trying to reason with him when the schedule pushed us back outside, but we got through everything AND managed to finally reshoot the problem meeting scene. Wrapping location was music to everyone’s ears. No more laying on cold ground for Michael or Mica, and no more short shorts in Baltic temperatures for Kieri. Despite all the complications it could have been worse in so many respects, but returning to the studio still seemed like relative bliss.

Friday was the nightclub scene and went according to plan. On Sunday, my hope had been that our deadline extension would give me space to plan the lobby scenes instead of spending all day in an edit. Just an hour maximum with Lucas to decide on one particularly involved shot for VFX to get on with. But phone calls took up the day so prep didn’t get a look in and we're shooting in there tomorrow. Two more weeks and two extra days. Feeling overwhelmed but I made my own bed and have only myself to blame that I didn’t write a script about two characters on a sunny island. Just grateful that Wellington have my back.

09-02-20 / ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ WEEK TWO

On location shooting nights in Ilkeston. Working with Michael Socha again after fourteen years (!) but we didn’t even get to meet until he arrived on set, which gives an idea of the time pressure. Another Monday meltdown where the unassuming became all-consuming. Rain, cold, and even thunder. Shivering actors trying to do an intimate scene.

Things picked up on Tuesday as Mike McLoughlin delivered again, transforming the town hall entrance into a hotel porch. Lest things get too positive though, the catering truck sank and needed winching out of wet mud. Front page news proclaimed CARMAGEDDON as gridlock slowed everything to a crawl and actors arrived hours late. The pub immediately next door to our location on the town square proving problematic as outside drinkers are basically on the edge of set - vomit man, cock-out man ("Film this!”), and yelling drunks at only 5pm are all enough to make you consider teetotalism. Adult teenagers everywhere, actual teenagers trying to sabotage shots, a pedestrian crossing auto-beeping for nobody every two minutes, and a fucking flag pole going chink-chink-chink whenever I don’t look at it.

Controversially took the luxury of twenty minutes rehearsal time with Rupert (Procter) and Michael. First rehearsing so far, and we were glad of it. I pray for more time like that. On Saturday the signed photos arrived from Alison Steadman, hah!

Editing Sundays are difficult. Found lots of holes that need picking up but there's simply no time to be thorough and editor Lucas (Roche) and myself are run ragged. The workflow is untenable but the deadline demands it and VFX need us to identify which shots we are using so they can start work on their own to-do list. Inevitable tensions in a premature edit put me in bad shape for the shooting week ahead. Need the weekend to recharge but Saturday is spent washing etc then it's all day Sunday until 11pm feeling grim about what's not cutting right because we're shooting out of sequence. Glaring issues with what we shot at the wet/freezing start of this week, as expected. Couldn't even watch it back. The absence of rehearsal time doesn’t help but I really need to reshoot the meeting between the two leads. Unlikely when we are already behind.

02-02-20 / ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ WEEK ONE

Mike and his merry men finished the first of five sets in record time. For me the shoot began with total brainmelt. Practical effects an enormous learning curve for all. Slow progress. Especially when portrait orientation reveals parts of the frame that wouldn’t traditionally be seen. Two characters can't enter or exit a room in a single shot, necessitating two separate ones. Scrappy and frustrating.

Day one was a breeze on paper but a swamp in reality, anticipated by First AD Malcolm Davies’ but a surprise to me. Must keep an eye on my curiosity about certain VFX requirements coming off like resistance with effects supervisor Joe Batten. The studio is chilly but the mighty Roger Sloman, in his character’s vest and boxer shorts, doesn’t complain once. Crazy to be working with an actor whose inimitable roles in Nuts in May and Grange Hill had such an impact on me. Even better that he’s a great bloke and full of energy and curiosity. Kieri as Brenda and Mica as Amber thankfully get along swimmingly and vibe well. Script supervisor Francesca Brooks already proving indispensable as the schedule becomes inevitably shuffled and throws an already difficult balance of story strands into potential chaos. All in all, the crew and cast have been 100% for this mad little project that asks so much of them. When Roger wrapped I turned shameless fanboy and asked him to scribble on some stills from Nuts In May, joking that I’d now have to stalk his co-star Alison Steadman to do the same. The lovely sod only went and suggested he take the pics away and ask her to do exactly that :)

12-01-20 / SET BUILDING & CASTING

Nuts how fast things are moving. Workhorse Mike McLoughlin and his team are working around the clock building the first set. Casting sessions in Nottingham and London have finally secured the remaining lead. Feel calmer for finding her.

07-01-20 / TEAM ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ ASSEMBLE

Tech meeting, where I tasted my first cup of tea with milk since hating it as a kid and still don’t get it.

25-12-19 / CHRISTMAS CANCELLED FOR PREP

Too much work required for As Dead As It Gets to go and visit family for Christmas this year, so here I am scribbling storyboards and such. Haven’t done storyboards for years but the sheer volume of VFX shots in this one requires maximum preparation. I’d forgotten about the amusing downward slide in quality as ideas change and impatience takes over :)

30-09-19 / ‘AS DEAD AS IT GETS’ COMMISSIONED / ENCOUNTERS FILM FESTIVAL

Been commissioned to write and direct As Dead As It Gets, a multi-narrative interactive film with 16 endings, specifically for release on an upcoming phone app. Based on an unfinished script I wrote for a potential TV pilot in 2009, it’s a hellish timeframe to pull off so we start immediately. I’ll be co-writing with regular collaborator Tim Cunningham and old pals Wellington Films will be producing.

In other news, I went to Encounters to lap up some new films. Highlights were Behnam Abedi's Ceremony Night (Iran), Qiu Yang's She Runs (China), Irene Moray's Watermelon Juice (Spain), Pia Andell's Match (Finland), Marcin Polar's The Tough (Poland), José Magro's A River Through The Mountains (Portugal), Thomas Georgiadis' Sheep (Malta), Caroline Markowicz's The Orphan (Brazil), Tristan Heanue's Ciúnas (Silence) (Ireland), and Charels Wall's Little Grey Bubbles (Canada).

04-07-19 / FOUNDRY SOUND

A well satisfying day geeking out on some fancy ambisonic sound recording at the foundry with Adam Fletcher. My previous six visits to this foundry over the last four years have been filming trips (for a TBC documentary) and it was very satisfying to concentrate purely on picking up audio bits I’ve been missing while editing.

22-06-19 / EDITING ‘MAJORITY’

Got my best scissors out to cut Majority, a new short by Tessa Hoffe.

11-06-19 / HAMBURG SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Made a super-short film called Timelapse for Hamburg Short Film Festival's Lost in Translation competition. It isn't a timelapse. I didn't see any of the international competition programmes films but some films I liked were Reber Dosky's Meryem (Netherlands), Martin A. Walther's Train Robbers (Norway), Pavlo Ostrikov's Graduation '97 (Ukraine), and Rune Spaans' The Absence of Eddy Table (Norway).

28-02-19 / TEST SHOOT IN SNOWDONIA, WALES

Just returned from a recce in foggy Snowdonia, testing a potential dark sky location for an upcoming night shoot. It was dark enough alright - so dark that after shooting, this tit failed to see, and therefore pack away, his case of lenses. It wasn’t even closed, and sat out on the grass overnight through heavy rain. Miraculously, everything was okay.

14-01-19 / RE-TROS MUSIC VIDEO NOW LIVE

An animated film I did for up-and-coming, Depeche-Mode-supporting, Beijing-based trio Re-TROS is now live. Inspired by the cover art from their critically-acclaimed album 'Before The Applause', many alternating hours of headaches and beard-twizzling went into its creation. Please appreciate the music through headphones or non-phone speakers. Then buy their album.

12-11-18 / WINTERTHUR SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

I finally made it to Winterthur International Short Film Festival in Switzerland, after many years of feeling like the only one still to attend. They screened Stew & Punch as part of a UK focus and I was lucky that the programme I was part of had sold out (they even had to bring in extra seats). I was the only director from the programme present for a Q&A but almost everyone stayed for it, which was nice.

Some standout films were Corina Schwingruber Ilić's All Inclusive (Switzerland), Ismaël Joffroy Chandoutis' Swatted (France), Rati Tsiteladze's Prisoner Of Society (Georgia) and Salomé Jashi's Speechless (Georgia).

30-09-18 / 'THE BIGGER MAN WAS NOT EMBARRASSED' AT ENCOUNTERS

Returned home positively buzzing from Encounters this year, having devoured some great films and getting myself all bowled over by the Georgian programmes (fully wow). My film The Bigger Man Was Not Embarrassed received a wee nod in Sight & Sound magazine as a festival recommendation, which was a lovely bonus. I attended more screenings than usual and skipped my own, but from what I hear the film was in fine company and I missed an all-round good show, gah. Having recorded the source audio for the film this time last year, after a night at this very festival, I once again found myself transfixed by the drunken debauchery going down at the harbourside. I'm sure it gets madder each year.

Some highlights - Isabel Lamberti's Amor (Netherlands), Lucy Bridger's Mothering (UK), Marian Khatchvani's Dinola (Georgia), Jérémy Comte's Fauve (Canada), Charles Williams' All These Creatures (Australia), Alyssa McClelland's Second Best (Australia), Nana Ekvtimishvili's Waiting For Mum (Georgia), Dea Kulumbegashvili's Invisible Spaces (Georgia), Andrea Brusa & Marco Scotuzzi's Magic Alps (Italy), plus a brilliant three-film retrospective of 'Georgian Master' Mikheil Kobakhidze.

17-09-18 / EUROPEAN FILM COLLEGE

Just back from my third visit to the excellent European Film College in Denmark, giving a series of talks about all things short film. Once again, the students were a keen bunch, full of hungry questions and keeping me on my toes. Love this place.

11-06-18 / 'THE BIGGER MAN WAS NOT EMBARRASSED' AT HAMBURG

The third (and probably final) typographical short film about drunk Britain, The Bigger Man Was Not Embarrassed, just screened at Hamburg International Short Film Festival. Like Brass Heaven and World War Cup, it is based on clandestine audio recording of drunken behaviour. This particular episode focuses on an aggressive, posturing man on the Saturday night streets of Bristol while attending Encounters Film Festival last September.

20-05-18 / WARSAW SHOOT

I just returned from a few weeks in Warsaw, directing two commercials and getting to play with all kind of toys. During a day of blazing sunshine, we created a storm with wind, rain and hail. Then an actual storm came and cleared us off set! Also got to destroy a car, work with a superstar dog, and enjoy a puffy purple ankle from spider bites in the long grass (avoided the ticks though - one crew member wasn't so lucky).

08-12-17 / 'STEW & PUNCH' ONLINE DEBUT

The online debut of Stew & Punch, with the fine-taste folk at Short of the Week. This one is a favourite of mine (if not top of the list) for all sorts of reasons. As usual, you can also find it on its dedicated page.

15-11-17 / COMMERCIAL BANNED

A commercial I recently directed (below) was just broadcast on TV and promptly banned by the Advertising Standards Authority for being deemed "too scary". A mere SEVEN complaints can do this.

10-11-17 / HANCHENG VIDEO DIARY

Finally got this chopped up, from the China trip which ended exactly one month ago:

21-10-17 / TALK AND JURY DUTY IN TRONDHEIM, NORWAY

I was kindly invited by Sami filmmaker Marja Bal Nango to the KortFilmKonventet (Short Film Convention) in Trondheim. She had to choose a fellow filmmaker for a director-to-director talk and I was the lucky one. A two-day programme of talks and screenings, I also sat on the jury for the filmmaker pitching competition alongside Lisa Ogdie of Sundance Film Festival and Per Fikse of Minimalen Short Film Festival (who was also in China, officially making it a small world). I made sure to visit Hell, too. As usual, more images on Instagram.

19-10-17 / CHINA (UPDATE - VIDEO 2 POSTS UP)

I returned from Hancheng ten days ago but since went to an event in Norway and fallen behind. I'm also editing a small travelogue film to accompany this China entry but haven't had chance to finish it yet so watch this space. In the meantime, you can see more images via my Instagram.

This was my second visit to planet China, and on this occasion it was for the 1st Jinzhen International Short Film Festival. I was representing the short film Spinosaurus, which I shot & edited for my mate Tessa Hoffe. All in all, a fantastic time was had and new friends were made, albeit with memorable bumps along the way.

The city of Hancheng, population approximately 450,000, dubbed a "village" by some of the Chinese volunteers, was a very different prospect to my previous Chinese experiences in Ningbo and megacity Shanghai. Personally, I loved the place and could easily have stayed longer, for the food, the filming, and the warm-spirited locals. Full of excited curiosity about westerners (especially those with beards), children were struck by giggle-fits and the really young ones would sometimes freak out and start screaming in fear. Locals were constantly aiming their camera phones, sometimes discreetly, sometimes less so, and sometimes from both sides at once. It only became too much while navigating slurpy noodles.

A local lady who eavesdropped on a conversation I attempted to have with a shopkeeper proceeded to follow me around for the next 15 minutes, stopping when I stopped, resuming pace as I did, until I eventually about-turned and walked so fast through the crowds that a ninja would've struggled to keep up. This was the 'real China' I had heard about but didn't really find before, with toddlers walking around in crotchless, toilet-ready trousers and adults staring at you like you're made of vegetables. The public toilet-training is something I could do without, especially when it happens right in front of you while eating.

But this is all jumping ahead. Arrival at the festival hotel saw a glitchy start to proceedings, with shocked (and sleep-deprived) directors being paired up into shared rooms. I was as horrified as everyone else, but one poor guy who was ill found himself pleading to have his own space. I got lucky being paired with very cool French director Clément Courcier. Talented bugger and all, going on to win best experimental film and taking home a generous cash prize. Dude as he was though, it's not ideal for anyone having to sync their timetables with a roommate so as not to disturb them, and jetlag-induced middle-of-the-night writing, for example, was out of the question. After discovering that another filmmaker objected strongly enough to sharing and got her own room, I managed to do the same (with the help of Lynn - thanks again!).

"First world problems" included unreliable (often dead) WiFi, which was a bigger frustration for those who were in the middle of projects requiring Skype calls, thus having to work from the lobby. Similarly absent was coffee, and the chirpy vendor across the street probably never sold so much sweet Nescafe, his face lighting up whenever a filmmaker walked in. More baffling though was an apparent lack of toilet paper, only issued in a single teeny-tiny roll per room at a time. I get it that coffee isn't a staple, but surely everyone needs loo roll (except for me of course - I'm visited by the poo fairy while I sleep).

The festival's glamorous, Oscars-like opening and closing ceremonies wore affluence like a hat. By comparison, the daily exhibition of films was consistently troubled, with seemingly endless technical problems involving bad audio, no audio, no subtitles, Chinese subtitles covering English ones, etc. Such problems seemed to be lessening as the festival went on and I got the feeling that the staff and volunteers were overwhelmed by the amount of work required. I didn't attend many screenings because I'm too easily distracted by the Chinese audience talking loudly through films, checking their phones or, in one case, bringing a flashing balloon into the cinema (!). I remember this from last time and it is simply their way, to discuss everything, at full volume, as it happens. It wasn't their intention to be rude, and the shock on people's faces when asked to be quieter during a screening said it all.

There was a funny moment in a department store when six of us couldn't work out how to pay for anything. What should have been simple through a series of mimes and pointing at cash was actually an almost-impossible mission that lasted twenty minutes. When the store manager finally found us to resolve the situation, it transpired that everyone pays via WeChat on their phones and cash transactions need special approval. It also turned out the prices were more expensive than advertised so we ended up putting most things back anyway.

Excursions kindly arranged by the festival included the ancient Liu village - mostly roofless ruins but with a few still-inhabited homes. Mooching through one particular corner of a crumbling house, I stopped inches shy of receiving a face-full of Joro spider. Described as 'The living fossil of the ancient and traditional foilk community of the Orient', Dangjia ancient village was bigger and utterly heaving with tourists. I was especially pleased to see the Sima Qain temple and do a spot of filming for a new, ongoing short film idea.

Between such trips (and of course the screenings), everyone came to grow fond of the hotel and its nightly, impromptu lobby gatherings, not to mention the hotel's 3rd floor of hi-tech karaoke rooms-for-hire. I'm no fan of karaoke, but a fully-decked out club room with beer, snacks and sofas turned out to be a regular fixture for filmmakers partying into the wee hours (right through until breakfast, in some cases).

A Chinese lady sitting next to me on the flight home really summed things up. Noisily cracking seeds between her teeth from the moment she sat down (a huge red flag to a misophone like myself), she regularly barged my elbows or leaned right over me to look out of the window. Earplugs didn't quite block the sound of splintering seeds and the resultant fight-or-flight panic/rage that usually hijacks me in these situations started to creep in. However, once I offered her my uneaten crackers from the first in-flight meal, she couldn't help sharing at every conceivable opportunity. This lady, who had initially become a huge discomfort to me, went on to offer me her bottle of water, her bun, the egg in her fried rice, and eventually her aforementioned seeds (which she thankfully stopped eating).

Delerium from lack of sleep had me leave my laptop on the final flight out of Helsinki. Amazingly, Finnair traced/called me while I was on the underground from Heathrow to central London, so I returned and got it back. I'm already looking back and smiling at the memories - navigating the insanely busy crossings, the 'no horns' signs ignored by every single bleating car, the cab drivers smoking in their 'no smoking' cabs, the men and women farting noisily in the street, the ice-filled urinals in a posh hotel (our hotel's toilet cubicles didn't even have doors)... the list goes on. This is a culture so vastly unfamiliar in which the only constant is to expect the unexpected. I feel damn privileged to have experienced it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat..

Some film highlights were Makoto Nagahisa's And So We Put the Goldfish in the Pool (Japan), Douwe Dijkstra's Green Screen Gringo (Netherlands), Tessa Pope's The Origin of Trouble (Netherlands), Kamal Parnak's Hasti (Iran), Francis' Ten to the Minus Forty Three Second (France), Maimouna Doucoure's Mother(s) (France), Christophe Switzer's Soury (France), Ronny Trocker's Estate (Belgium), plus some animated films - Giulia Martinelli & Marta Gennari's Merlot (Italy), Anita Kwiatkowska-Naqvi's Locus (Poland), and Henning Thomas' Hallux (Germany).

24-09-17 / EUROPEAN FILM COLLEGE / ENCOUNTERS FILM FESTIVAL

A smasher was had in Ebeltoft (Denmark) at the European Film College once again, since my first visit two years ago. Presenting a mixture of lectures and screenings about short film, I'm probably repeating myself in saying it really is the consideration for any fledgling filmmakers out there who are wondering where (and if) to study. If that means you, don't just raise your eyebrows - look into it.

Then it was Encounters Film Festival again, this time representing a film I didn't direct - Spinosaurus by Tessa Hoffe, which I shot and edited last year. Right back to old-school guerilla tactics on this one, with only two days, only available light, no funding, first-time young actors and a production crew of just Tess, myself, and sound recordist Peter Brill.

27-07-17 / 'THE HEIST' LAUNCHES ON FACEBOOK

I've been waiting very patiently to get this out. A spot for Royal Mail about identity fraud:

15-06-17 / 'ON RESISTANCE' AT HAMBURG SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Well. THREE months since my last post. It's apparent that Twitter and Instagram are responsible for this blog becoming almost redundant. The fact that I've wanted to change this whole site for too long and can't find the time to learn new software doesn't help. I'm actually working on several projects at once but it isn't very interesting to write about screenwriting and/or tedious rotoscoping, which are the two things taking up most of my time.

Hamburg Short Film Festival time again, and I made this for their 3 Minute Quickie competition:

The UK focus programmes (which also included Soft) were a nice catch. Some films I hadn't seen for years, and some gems I'd never seen at all. Our very own John Smith programmed two of the shows, sharing films that inspired him in his early career. My flight home was like Brass Heaven all over again, literally cornered by 20+ stags at the back of the plane. A friendly bunch, mind.

27-03-17 / 'WORLD WAR CUP' AWARDED IN POLAND

Whoot, last night, World War Cup scooped a prize in the international competition at Short Waves festival in Poznan, Poland. What a lovely lift. And what a brave jury (with exemplary taste, I might add) to give an award to such an oddity. To think I almost attended this festival until the last moment. Then I spent the last few days regretting it as I saw various peoples' Instagram posts. Then, finally, when the email came in inviting me to come and collect the prize in person, I didn't see it until 24 hours later (i.e. today, when the awards ceremony was only a few hours away). So that bit is shit, but otherwise, YESSS!

21-03-17 / 'BRASS HEAVEN' ONLINE

Just took the password protection off Brass Heaven:

13-01-17 / 'BASS INVADERS' REMASTERED & ONLINE RE-RELEASE

I can't tell you how good it feels to have finally finished this. Of all the titles I've remastered in the last few years, in between new projects, Bass Invaders has been by far the most complex. It was hard enough first time around, back in 2001, and I've no idea how we managed it back then on such a tight deadline. I drank Red Bull until my bum bled, that I do remember.

It still looks like DV of course, and remastering is never intended to change that, but the increase in size from PAL letterboxed (720x405) to HD720 (1024x720) means I no longer have to omit it from retrospective programmes because of it's teeny-tiny size in comparison to other films.

31-12-16 / 'WORLD WAR' CUP ON NOWNESS

So, out with shitty 2016, and not a moment too soon. I finished the second draft of my feature film, made progress on a documentary which is still a way off, did a bunch of commercials, and my most recent documentary World War Cup, highlighting English nationalism, just debuted on Nowness.

26-09-16 / ENCOUNTERS FILM FESTIVAL

Another lovely edition of Encounters. World War Cup suitably baffled people in the Late Lounge XXXtra programme, plus I saw some solid films including the deserving winner of the Audience Award: Toma Waszarow's Red Light (Bulgaria/Croatia), the winner of the Grand Prix: Brady Hood's Sweet Maddie Stone (UK), and also Price James' Battlefield Casualties (just bloody funny), Sunit Parekh's Machine (utterly sublime to stare at), Anouk Fortunier's Strange Bird (a very pleasant surprise which turned out to be something I script-mentored in Belgium a few years ago), and Ibro Hasanovic's Notes On Multitude (my personal favourite amongst the inevitable swathe of refugee-themed films).

03-09-16 BFI LONDON FILM FESTIVAL

World War Cup will be screening at the BFI London Film Festival next month.

23-08-16 / RETROSPECTIVE & 'WORLD WAR CUP' AT DOKUFEST, KOSOVO

A week late in posting this due to a hectic workload. Having heard plenty about this festival over the years I was pretty excited to finally experience it for myself, and it certainly didn't disappoint. The only drag (apart from my luggage not arriving in Kosovo until a day later) was that a heckish schedule prevented me from arriving earlier to enjoy a longer stay. It certainly isn't the only festival to be staffed by such friendly, welcoming hosts, but this combined with lush weather and landscape, plus a bulging programme of films, made for a very special festival indeed. From the festival website - “British experimental filmmaker Simon Ellis, meanwhile, whose retrospective screened on Thursday, raised laughs by donning a wig for an irreverent discussion that veered from football culture to Star Wars to not getting nominated for an Oscar”.

I was in attendance to present a retrospective programme of my fiction work, a masterclass, and a competition screening of my most recent short film World War Cup. Mere hours before the masterclass, at a morning press conference, I joked to festival journalist Una Hajdari that it would be fun to present myself wearing a toupee. Lo and behold, three hours later, myself and host Alexei Dmitriev were gifted with middle-aged-lady wigs for the occasion. It got pretty hot under there but we managed to keep them on for the whole hour, oh yes.

The screening of World War Cup was open air and, despite the plummeting temperature, I have to say I enjoyed it immensely. I really felt its freshness in the context of a narrative short film programme and, technically speaking, it was bright, loud and lairy. Too much volume can be incredibly abrasive and damaging for film exhibition (much worse than being too quiet, in my opinion) but al fresco worked a treat.

Speaking of loud volume, the mosques' enchanting yet eerie call to prayer, echoing across town through loudspeakers five times a day, was especially haunting when experienced from the quiet of a hotel room at 5am. Perhaps inevitably, it became slightly less welcome after several nights of interrupted sleep, but shall always remain a key memory (as will the terrifying abundance of selfie obsessives).

Massive thanks to Samir Karahoda for inviting me to this wonderful festival. If any filmmakers out there get the opportunity to attend, I highly recommend doing so!

13-08-16 / 'JAM TODAY' RECEIVES VIMEO STAFF PICK

Ahhhh so nice to be chosen. Look at those views rocket upwards!

26-07-16 / 'JAM TODAY' ON 'SHORT OF THE WEEK'

Jam Today selected for Short of the Week.

26-07-16 / 'JAM TODAY' ONLINE DEBUT

Finally released my short film Jam Today online. If you're lovely enough to comment or give it a like, please hop over to its Vimeo page.

17-07-16 / DOKUFEST PROMO

DokuFest in Kosovo have made a promotional clip for my upcoming retrospective:

30-06-16 / ARTFILMFEST JURY DUTY IN SLOVAKIA, VIA FRANCE

Before Slovakia, I went to France to investigate Dinard further since whizzing through it 7 months ago. Despite the chill it was like a holiday with sun, sea and sand. Just what the doctor ordered. Then it was off to judge the short film competition at ArtFilmFest in Kosice (another genuinely delightful trip with Air France, who are always so nice to me). I last visited this festival in 2008 when it was based in the idyllic northern town of Trencianske Teplice, but this year it relocated to Slovakia's second largest city.

What a damn fine time. Amazing hospitality, scorching weather, great food and strong films. How many other festivals would allow the jury to spread out on the comfort of bean bags in screenings? The whole experience was so good that I extended my stay by a further 3 days to be there for the awards ceremony and my birthday (incidentally, both the festival and restaurant staff presented me with birthday goodies!). I was somewhat starstruck by fellow juror Kati Outinen, the legendary Finnish actress from a whole number of Aki Kaurismaki films. Such a funny lady with fantastic stories.

The festival boasted the first post-Cannes screening of Ken Loach's Palm D'Or winner I, Daniel Blake and I had much fun hanging out with Daniel Blake himself, actor Dave Johns. It just so happened that England played Slovakia in the European Championships while we were in town, and while I couldn't give a monkeys about football it was really something to see it in a huge outdoor theatre, on the biggest curved screen I ever saw. We were a tiny pocket of Englishmen amongst many Slovakians, but Dave is an utter charmer and somehow managed to join in the local chants.

Also watched another Cannes monster, the German comedy Toni Erdmann. At almost 3 hours long, I never imagined I would get through it, but ended up loving every minute. The following evening, the festival treated us to a lovely sunset trip to Tokaj Macik winery, out in the hills near the Hungarian border. This involved a lengthy tasting session in cooling subterranean caves, by candlelight, and is a memory I won't forget in a hurry.

Then there was the numbing news that the UK is leaving the EU (a Slovak said to me during the hotel breakfast "Enjoy your English breakfast"), which was impossible not to mention during the awards presentation. With the exception of 'Brexit' and returning to a still-raining, uncertain country, I have nothing bad to say about the whole experience. Thank you ArtFilmFest for a fantastic time, once again.

Some favourite shorts were Tim Ellrich's The Bathtub (Germany/Austria), Even Hafnor's Small Talk (Norway), Jorn Threlfall's Over (UK), Radu Barbulescu's 0068 Sniper's Nest (Romania), and once again Symbolic Threats (Germany) by Mischa Leinkauf, Lutz Henke & Matthias Wermke, which we awarded the prize..

08-06-16 / 'WORLD WAR CUP' AT HAMBURG INT'L SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Bit of a nightmare getting to the airport for my departure to Hamburg. One weirdly congested road in Nottingham meant I had to take a taxi to Luton. Do you know how much a 100+ mile cab fare is? Plus the cost of the pre-booked/missed train. Brrrh, shudder, etc.

Slightly alarmed but amused by the festival's choice of still image for the catalogue (having personally selected an image with the phrase 'Come on England' and having it replaced with one exclaiming 'German Bastard'), I have to admit to feeling apprehensive about how the content of World War Cup might be received by German audiences. Certain that someone would stand up and holler disrespect, the film was ultimately received in good humour.

In other news, I played barman for an excellent three-hour party in the festival club, and also fell down a hill during sunrise. Sort of. How my feet managed to stay on the ground is by far my greatest accomplishment of the trip.

For my taste, some of the international shorts were medium-length films, some of which felt better suited to gallery exhibition, but other favourites were: Francisco Forbes & Matthew Barton's Sit and Watch (UK), Martina Carlstedt's The Love Agency (Sweden), Maximilien Van Aertryck & Alex Danielson's Ten Meter Tower (Sweden), Simon Schnellman's Das Leben ist Hart / Life is Rugged (Germany), Anja Dornieden & Juan David Gonzalez Monroy's The Masked Monkeys (Germany), and Duncan Cowles & Ross Hogg's Isabella (UK). I only just noticed that 4 of these 6 are co-directed, which must be the new big thing in films. Like 3D. Or lesbians.

26-05-16 / 'WORLD WAR CUP' DCP DELIVERY & POSTER

It's always hectic creating festival deliverables because I always (!) notice tiny mistakes that need ironing out (and this is after multiple "ironing out" passes). On the slightly more nerdy issue of creating a DCP for film festivals, it's no secret by now that you can create one from the convenience of your computer for free. For the last few years I followed Danny Lacey's excellent OpenDCP tutorial, until a mysterious audio issue caused me to switch to the much simpler DCP-o-Matic. Further to this, though I have yet to test it myself, I'm intrigued by a new way to view and test your DCP (previously only possible via a friendly cinema projectionist) in the shape of NeoDCP. Reviews are promising.

But better than all that stuff, Graeme Crowley, co-producer of my latest short World War Cup, just designed this smashing poster for the film:

09-05-16 / 'WORLD WAR CUP' TRAILER & PREMIERE / WALES & SCOTLAND SHOOTS

Pleased to announce that my new short documentary World War Cup is receiving its world premiere in competition at Hamburg International Short Film Festival. Given that I recorded the source audio for this film in Summer 2010, it's been a long time coming. How German audiences will respond to the chants of drunken, knuckle-dragging English football supporters remains to be seen.

In other news, it's been a hectic few weeks working on other projects. After a quick documentary shoot in Wales it was off to Scotland to film a short for a friend, where I got to try out the crazy little DJI Osmo camera (pictured below left by Peter Brill). Exciting times!

21-03-16 / UKRAINE

Just returned from Kiev after an 8-day stint prepping and shooting 3 short films/commercials for the Ukrainian National Police. I wasn't really sure what to expect, arriving to work with a team who were totally unknown to me and a cast who spoke limited English, but I'm happy to say that the experience was brilliant. Each film is a 30-second real time shot, intended to promote trust in Ukraine's brand new police force which took over from the controversial Militia. Real officers played the police roles (one was actually called away to a situation during his audition) and I got to shoot a car chase and a drunken stunt involving a glass bottle. A gallery of snapshots can be found here.

25-02-16 / AHEM

I just remembered I have a website. I received one of those emails from a 'search optimisation blahblahblah', pointing out the infinite problems with my site. Yes, I am well aware, thanks. Anyway, while it may look like I have absolutely nothing going on, it couldn't be further from the truth. The feature (re)drafting continues in earnest, I'm racing to the finish on my new short experimental doco World War Cup, and I'm getting right into the editing of a much bigger and different kind of documentary. It's not very becoming to blog about documentary editing technique or dramatic script structure so I opted for mysterious silence instead, and now people probably think I perished or something.

18-11-15 / BREST RETROSPECTIVE / FLENSBURG PROGRAMME / BRASS HEAVEN

Massive thanks to Massimiliano Nardulli for the invitation to present my 21st (!) retrospective at Brest European Film Festival in France. En route home I finally experienced lovely Dinard, spending a lucky afternoon with a smashing beach sunset. Considering the appalling terrorist attacks in Paris and subsequent closure of the country's borders, it was a surprisingly fuss-free departure the following morning, despite the nationwide security alert.

In other news, a programme I curated for Flensburg Short Film Festival in Germany screens tomorrow. The brief was to compile films specifically concerning British humour and/or aggression, with the playlist being Carolina Giammeta's Not Coming In, Johnny Barrington's Tumult, Sami Abusamra's Love Me Tinder, my own film Soft, Olly Williams' The Fly, Duane Hopkins' Twelfth Man, Christian Cerami's Black Sheep, and Joel Vietch's I Love You So Hard. Big thanks to all these filmmakers for taking part.

Brass Heaven has scooped more screenings, having just appeared at Interfilm Berlin and Leeds Film Festival, with Sleepwalkers Film Festival in Estonia imminent. Not too shabby for a film I'm only sending on request (the two exceptions, where I actually submitted, were rejected). I recently found a small write-up about the film on the BFI website here.

21-10-15 / MUSIC VIDEO FOR CJ MIRRA

This video spent too long sitting waiting to be finished, so it's nice to finally get it out there:

23-09-15 / EUROPEAN FILM COLLEGE / FLATPACK TALENT MODULE / ENCOUNTERS

So much going on just recently. Soon after Brazil it was off to North Wales for three days, filming for an ongoing documentary that I can't announce just yet. Suffice to say, I was in a factory for three days shooting the manufacture of an extraordinary product.

A few days later I visited the European Film College in Denmark's Jutland peninsula, for two days of guest lecturing. Quite the eye-opener, this one. To namedrop previous guests Thomas Vinterberg, Werner Herzog and Joshua Oppenheimer, my being invited to this fantastic place was clearly something of an honour. Arriving late at night to the sound of chirruping crickets, beneath a "ahhhhhh" blanket of brilliant stars, it wasn't until the following morning that I saw the surrounding hills and forest. One hundred and fifteen students board in these grounds for eight months, living and breathing filmmaking. Only two weeks into their year and the sense of community was already apparent. I can only imagine the spirit that develops as the course goes on.

My first lecture, unexpectedly energising for me, lasted three whole Earth hours. In the evening, I screened Jonathan Miller's 1967 version of Whistle And I'll Come to You and Mike Leigh's 1976 classic Nuts In May to mixed reactions. I love pairing these titles as they dovetail beautifully in terms of eccentric [British] character study, despite being poles apart in tone and intention. The following morning I presented a selection of some favourite short films, with further yak about said films' relevance, not without a dash of regret at running out of time. The EFC students are a bright and enthusiastic bunch and I genuinely can't think of a better option than this place for anybody considering a film school route.

After a quick stint in London's Pineapple Studios to cast dancers for an upcoming BBC job, it was off to Birmingham to speak alongside old pals the Blaine brothers at a Talent Module event hosted by Flatpack Film Festival and Creative England. The Blaines and I talked about career-type-stuff for a couple of afternoon hours, then everyone relocated to a nearby screening venue to have our films forced upon them. Lucky to have a good, warm crowd again. It was smashing to catch up with Ben and Chris, who I have only been in cyber-touch with for too many years, and who are now blazing a trail with their feature debut Nina Forever. Looking forward to seeing it. 

Straight from Birmingham to Bristol, by which point I'm feeling proper Michael Palin (Birmingham to Bristol, Bermuda to Barbados, what's the difference?). Brass Heaven was to receive its UK premiere at regular favourite Encounters Film Festival, but before that, a smashing short chiller I recently edited for Andrew Brand called What The Dog Saw (just before Brazil, take that Michael Palin) was screening in Channel Four's Moments of Horror programme. People gasped in the right place so I was wholly satisfied. The following evening, Brass Heaven, amusingly categorised as 'Other' in the comedy programme, went down nicely too. Stephen Fingleton gave an excellent talk and I'm very much looking forward to his upcoming feature debut The Survivalist. Check his short films here.

02-09-15 / RETROSPECTIVE IN SÃO PAULO

I blame my fall into the Twittersphere for this page having become all but extinct. That and my still-unsuccessful attempts to migrate to a more functional Wordpress site (one that will actually work on mobile devices). It's also not particularly interesting to write about writing, which is what I've largely been up to these last few months, though I'm proud to report that the first draft of my feature script is DONE. As for short films, ongoing work on two documentaries is, umm, ongoing.

I just returned from a hot winter in Brazil, attending São Paulo International Short Film Festival, courtesy of the British Council and Encounters Film Festival. My retrospective programme (10 titles) and masterclass session happened only one day after arriving, leaving plenty of time to soak up the rest of the festival, its films, and the city itself.

The first cinema I went to had leather seats with enough leg room to comfortably accommodate giants. Like the Dutch, for example. It wasn't until leaving that I noticed a glass-partitioned section at the rear of the auditorium, which turned out to be a bar (!) with its own incoming audio feed. The Brazilian shorts programmes had some of the freshest films I've seen in ages, with one screening particularly sticking in my mind. Excellent, energising stuff.

In no particular order, film highlights for me were Victor Lindgren's I Turn To You (Sweden), Truls Krane Meby's World Wide Woven Bodies (Norway), Ursula Meier's Quiet Mujo (France/Bosnia), Leonardo Mouramateus' The Party And The Dogs (Brazil), Vitor Medeiros' The Day I Remembered The Trip To Bicuda (Brazil - featuring the most painfully realistic sex I've ever seen on screen), and Isabel Joffily's Portrait Of Carmen D (Brazil).

There was a cracking child performance in Gala Sukhanova's Inspection (Russia) and I finally got to see Don Hertzfeldt's much-hyped World Of Tomorrow (USA) without being disappointed.

While roaming the city, I was photographing a beautifully decrepit and graffitied building which sat adjacent to a conversely plush glass construction, when what I had assumed was a female mannequin in an open window started to move. She turned out to be an underwear model, smiling and posing for us while being photographed from inside. All very bizarre.

Rua 25 de Março (March 25 street) felt as edgy as they say, and while I managed to do some filming without incident, I'd say I was lucky. The marketplace was packed and the atmosphere quite literally electric with the crackle of tazers on sale (!), and depressing shouts of "Self! Self! Self!" as vendors thrust selfie sticks into my vicinity. Signs forbidding phones and cameras in the Metropoltian Cathedral didn't stop one vain little man from taking shameless pictures of himself. With one foot up on the step, using a big tablet because it wasn't on the forbidden list, he posed with Jesus right in front of a class of school kids. What is wrong with these people?

I couldn't get enough of the ubiquitous electronic tat stalls and probably could have filled a case. These are equivalent to a toy shop for my adult self (toy shops, also). I've been slowly accumulating footage in various international cities for a daft new short film using a GoPro attached to a rather heavy monopod, and in São Paulo I found the proper piece of kit for just over a tenner. Absolute bloody bargain, though it'll probably snap or something at a crucial moment.

The non-vomiting record was reset AGAIN, in a very public way, after a smack of food poisoning from a random lunch buffet. The less said about that the better, but it definitely compromised what would've been a brighter dawdle around the city's street art. A small kink in the grand scheme of things. A dismally uncomfortable flight home with British Airways, but Graham the attendant looked like Ferris Bueller's dad, so that was good.

Stopped by an airport security pawn at Heathrow after landing, I was probed with questions about the nature of my trip, who I was travelling with and blablablah. My sleepless disorientation while trying to answer what felt like an absurd line of enquiry was clearly arousing further suspicion. When finally asked to list the titles of my films that screened (yes, this actually happened), imagine the wee pawn's face when my first words were "Telling Lies...".

26-06-15 / PROJECTS UNDERWAY

Birthday. Smashing to finally have a story that justifies a feature script, and it's only taken my whole career so far to find it. Also working on several short docs. Masterclasses and/or retrospectives coming up in Brazil and Denmark, and I'm curating a programme of shorts that deal with British aggression and/or humour for a November festival in Germany. More details on all this as and when, just to prove I'm not sitting around scratching my nuts.

17-06-15 / 'WORLD WAR CUP' SHOOT / HAMBURG SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Long gestating short documentary World War Cup is the second in a series of 'fly on the wall' films based on audio recordings (Brass Heaven being the first). In June 2010 I taped the aggression and outrage in a city centre pub as Germany knocked England out of the World Cup football tournament. It took some time to find the right way of illustrating the abuse, and a shoot on the UK's south coast in Kent with photographer Graeme Crowley might just have nailed it.

Hamburg was mint, as always. Plenty going on for me, with four screenings of Brass Heaven (learned the cost of featuring white text on white clouds for certain projectors), plus an open-air screening of Telling Lies and Stew & Punch. Managed a nomination as barman for a certain Russian's barmy karaoke party without my ears weeping. More images from Kent and Hamburg on Instagram, and for any Hamburgers out there, a Best of the Festival programme including Brass Heaven screens at St. Pauli FC's stadium on the 29th of this month.

Must mention the short documentary Symbolic Threats by Mischa Leinkauf, Lutz Henke and Matthias Wermke (Germany), which won both the Audience Award and the German Competition. In 2014 the filmmakers climbed up the Brooklyn Bridge in the dead of night and replaced the American flags with white ones, leaving the NYPD and the public bamboozled and paranoid. Well worth seeking out.

29-04-15 / MILAN / 'BRASS HEAVEN' IN HAMBURG

Enjoyed a whistle-stop trip to Italy last week to chat with students at the American School of Milan, which is basically a U.S high school on the outskirts of the city. Surreal experience, like being in one of those films.

Also happy to report that my new short doc Brass Heaven will be screening at Hamburg International Short Film Festival. It's the first of a series of fly-on-the-wall docs, born of frustration when a lairy English stag party boarded my flight to Hamburg the year before.

28-03-15 / REGENSBURG SHORT FILM WEEK (AND A LITTLE BIT OF HAMBURG)

An appointment at Regensburg Kurzfilmwoche gave me the opportunity to start my trip in Hamburg to shoot material for a new very short film. Footage in the bag, I was lucky enough to catch up with excellent friends before rising early to catch a Bavaria-bound train to Regensburg. En route to the station, via the Reeperbahn, I had the misfortune to witness a pair of extraordinary, grotesque butt implants. I'd never seen butt implants in real life, or perhaps they've just been too subtle to notice, but these were like footballs stuffed into an otherwise slim girl's jeans. She was standing beside an older, smaller man while he withdrew cash from an ATM, most likely steeling himself for an imminent freakshow. One hell of a strange sight at 6am, but business as usual on the Reeperbahn, I suppose.

I managed to photograph the solar eclipse from the train window during the six-hour journey south, although it just looks like a crescent moon. Meh.

Regensburg was very pleasant and relaxed. My retrospective screening was fun enough but my main reason for attending was jury duty, alongside Butheina H. Kazim (Dubai) and Arna Bersaas (Norway). We awarded the prize to Miguel López Beraza's Walls (Spain), but other notable films were Piotr Litwin's Flora and Fauna (Poland), Sébastien Laudenbach & Sylvain Derosne's Daphné ou la belle plante (France), Guido Hendrikx's Onder Ons (Netherlands), Carl-Johan Westregard's Cams (Sweden), Clément Trehin-lalanne's Aïssa (France), and Victor Asliuk's Almaz (Belarus).

10-03-15 / TAMPERE FILM FESTIVAL, FINLAND

It's been nine years (!) since I last visited this great festival. The birthplace of The Moomins seemed less cold than I remember, but more expensive. Soft featured in the opening programme and Stew & Punch was part of the excellent 5 Star Stories programme.

There were too many films I didn't see and didn't want to watch on the small screens of the market in the hope of catching them at upcoming festivals. Some stand-outs for me were Hamy Ramezan & Rungano Nyoni's 'Listen' (Finland & Denmark), Monia Chokri's 'Quelqu'un d'extraordinaire' (Canada), Tiina Lymi's 'Just a name' (Finland), Sanna Liljander's 'Onni' (Finland), and a retrospective from Sámi filmmaker Marja Bål Nango (Norway).

17-02-15 / DIRECTOR'S CUT OF SMOKING COMMERCIAL

Totally forgot to feature my preferred cut of the commercial I did in December:

30-01-15 / INSTAGRAM

Square takes on a round world here.

29-01-15 / SIGHT & SOUND REVIEW

A nice, if somewhat belated review of Soft by Sight & Sound magazine.

21-01-15 / LONDON SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

A thoroughly pleasant time was had at London Short Film Festival. My retrospective programme featured seven titles and I somehow got through the subsequent Q&A, despite a too-indulgent night before. This was the first time I'd seen my remastered versions of older films in DCP format up on the big screen, and I'd say it's definitely been a worthwhile slog - those diddy DV (sub PAL) films look better than they ever did.

Due to accommodation complications and having to hop around the four corners of London over as many days, I didn't get to see nearly as many programmes as I would have liked, but there was plenty to like about those I did see. Especially reassuring, at least in the programmes I saw, was a sense of confident, elliptical storytelling. It's no secret that many shorts continue to pull the most obvious strings in order to tick boxes and bait the biggest, dumbest awards. It's an uncomplicated game one can play, and win, if one's soul is up to the challenge. Balance is everything in life and there should always be room for all types, so long as too many of one kind doesn't perpetuate an abundance of derivative, voiceless, samey films designed to appeal to the broadest, most commercial, unquestioning audience possible. LSFF rightly represents the full spectrum - this is where film festivals thrive, and why festivals like this are so important to a healthy and balanced UK short film scene.

06-01-15 / COMMERCIAL LAUNCHED ONLINE / RETROSPECTIVE SHOW IN LONDON

Spent the majority of the last couple of weeks sorting through my photography archives to finally give all those images a permanent online home. more on that soon. This site also needs an overhaul to be more phone and tablet compatible. In other news, it's been a pleasant Christmas and new year - I started and stopped myself writing a new short (aggghhh) which won't leave my head, I finished the treatment for my feature, and the anti-smoking commercial I recently directed has started scooping a fair bit of press. Some YouTube comments:

"No offence to your videos I know your trying to not make people smoke but this ad is gross please make ads what is not that gross"

"Everyone needs to 'pipe down' I personally think this should be shown to an all aged audience!"

"Tell that to my younger brother who threw up all while watching stampylongnose"

Also, David Blaine terrified me by following me on Twitter. Speaking of which, I'm not sure I have any shameless self-promotional tweets left in me to announce my upcoming retrospective show at London Short Film Festival. Grab your tickets here.

07-12-14 / NEW COMMERCIAL

Spent a bleddy cold day in a park somewhere near Wembley Stadium this week shooting a commercial. We were already on borrowed time considering the short winter light (What About the Bodies all over again, brrrh) and a taxi balls-up robbed us of an hour by delivering an actor late. We hadn't finished by the time darkness cackled its way into proceedings, and I must remember to buy a pointy wizard hat for DP David Procter, who managed to seamlessly transform night into day (and I mean NIGHT).

28-11-14 / EXGROUND FILMFEST, GERMANY

Free films again! Jury duty in Wiesbaden for Exground Filmfest, my invitation being the result of winning the prize there last year with Stew & Punch. For me, the primary attraction of sitting on juries (apart from the opportunity to see justice, as I see it, is served) is to keep up with the current crop of festival films when I don't have a new title of my own to attend with. My fellow jurors, in their capacities as programmers for Hamburg Short Film Festival and Regensburg Short Film Week, had seen most of the films before. I had only seen ONE this time, which was smashing.

Myself, Axel Behrens (Hamburg) and Insa Wiese (Regensburg) awarded a special mention to Nikola Majdak & Ana Nedeljkovic's Rabbitland (Serbia), while the main prize went to Adriano Valerio's 37°4 S (France). Some brilliant guests, super-welcoming hospitality, nightmarishly persistent hotel cleaners, and a damn good time in general. While smack in the middle of prepping a commercial and wrestling with a feature-length script, this year's trip to Wiesbaden turned out to be a much-needed hiatus that I can't forget in a hurry.

10-10-14 / CHINA

Jury duty at Shortvisions Film Festival in Ningbo, China. Virgin Atlantic provided an outrageous start to proceedings by announcing that a passenger's golden iPhone had been stolen and ”everyone in economy class” (!) would be searched by police on arrival in Shanghai. People in premium economy and business class aren't capable of stealing, you see. This was just the final chapter to ten hours of bedlam, akin to a bazaar full of hectic hagglers, in the sky. Glad to be off the plane, the following three-hour journey to Ningbo was all potholed motorway madness, bleating horns and killer trucks seemingly intent on sandwiching our minibus. Thankfully, the fancy hotel room (with complimentary gas mask and electronically-controlled everything) was like a full-blown apartment. I finally slept, in a bed big enough for four, and in the middle of the night I leaned out of the window to see a doorman practising his fighting techniques outside the hotel entrance.

Despite the fact that the Chinese government have banned Facebook and Twitter, and even Google is almost impossible to access, there is no cinema classification system. This ensures that while children are safe from corruption via social media, they are perfectly able to go and watch violent horror films. Cinemas are allegedly taking it upon themselves to start imposing restrictions independently, despite the subsequent loss in ticket sales. Also, it seems perfectly acceptable to enjoy a loud phone conversation during a film. At one point I had to run from the front of the cinema right up to the back to stop someone from shouting into his phone. And I don't exaggerate when I say shouting; obviously he couldn't enjoy his chat while the pesky film was playing. Despite lasting several minutes, the public sitting around him didn't seem fazed at all.

Between jet lag and jury duties, there was sadly almost no time to explore Ningbo. When the jury decisions were made I took the Friday evening off to go and see the city. There were drinking games between groups at almost every table, a proper cowboy-style bar brawl involving chairs and everything, bar staff who breathed fire and juggled bottles, and an utterly unexpected but brilliant all-African club which, no pun intended, turned my white trainers black. Seriously.

After the confusing, ever-changing plans of the week (standard teething troubles for a virgin festival), awards night came around. We'd been asked to bring formal dress but I wasn't quite prepared for the glitz of an Oscar cermony. Having been swept into a black car, neither myself or anyone else had any clue that we were about to step out into a spotlight at the beginning of a long red carpet, flanked down both sides by an enthusiastic camera-wielding public. There was much fun to be had in the sheer Chinese glamour of it all, and I managed to steal a picture with the coolest dude in the place (below). Awards over, the after-party dry, and jet lag gave way to insomnia. I watched the clock in my room count every hour until finally falling asleep 30 minutes before having to wake up for the minibus to Shanghai.

All in all, the festival's guest organisation had its bumpy moments, but the staff, the other attending filmmmakers and jurors were all lovely people. I'm grateful for the experience and have no doubt that it will run smoother in coming years.

The 3 hour minibus journey back to Shanghai was once again dominated by blaring horns, swerving and enough sharp braking to prevent any chance of sleep. The "airport hotel" destination (nowhere near either the airport or the city) was extremely unfortunate. We had been spoilt with our Ningbo hotel rooms, but this place was grim indeed, being 90 minutes out of the city, with an unforgettable smell. Most filmmakers were flying home to their respective countries the following day and were keen to get stuck into their one day of exploring, so luggage was dumped and we all took the 90 minute metro ride into Shanghai, marvelling at the images on the tunnel walls which appear to animate in flipbook style as the train zooms through (mostly advertising, pff).

I had the pleasure of catching up with Australian director pal Kasimir Burgess, having first met him a few years back in Sapporo. I'm certain that it was the MSG in everything we ate that kept me awake for what became a 36 hour stretch. We ticked off some mandatory sightseeing of the Shanghai skyline on the Bund, where an unexpected fireworks display kicked off and hundreds of thousands of pounds exploded into bugger all. After much walking, and before the long cab ride back to Hotel Grim, there was time for late night food. The menu translations provided light relief to a long sleepless day (days, in my case) and while there is nothing unusual about a poorly translated menu, which provide cheap giggles in many countries, I couldn't help thinking that this one was deliberate mischief. Amongst the delicacies (and the things we did order were delicious) were Overlord Pig Knuckles, Spicy and remove the flesh and blood, Fuck a cuttlefish zhai, Fuck a bullfrog, Spiced salt blows up pig hand, Get rid of small lobster of head, Spicy screw, Dry pot Tofu with thousands of pages, and the curious sounding Millet Pepper loves big cock.

Next morning I transferred to an apartment in the more centrally-located French Concession district, a lovely area where I felt much more at home. I should have stayed there because during a brief stint in a much more industrial part of town I could actually feel my lungs burning. Suddenly, the pollution masks made sense. Traffic is utter chaos and it beggars belief how the cars and bicycles manouvre without clattering into each other. I didn't see a single cycling helmet, despite many bicycles having kids sitting upfront, yet I didn't see a single accident either. If you spend too much time gazing up at the buildings you could easily be hit by a scooter whizzing toward you on the pavement. As for other cultural eccentricities, I only experienced a handful of public burping and farting moments, but lots of spitting... even on the polished floors of shopping malls, by store owners. The ubiquitous sound of phlegm being hocked up and flobbed out, people shoving each other and conversing at such a volume you could be mistaken for thinking they are arguing, cars and even public buses regularly missing pedestrians by inches... A mellow evening in a jazz bar was just what the doctor ordered.

On my last day I got up early and set off in the rain to go and watch the older generation do their Tai Chi in Fuxing park, before a spot of filming in the old antiques market. I managed to rip myself off when the stall owner became so intent on selling me a second item that I escaped him without taking my change, meaning I managed to buy 'one for the price of two'. Walking a GoPro camera around on a monopod brought no end of attention, even in a country so full of technology, and a curious Chinese public think nothing of stopping and staring you in the face. Ate some amazing dumplings, refused to buy a plastic toy from an old lady, who then offered to sell me sex instead (just buy something damn it) then wound up in a club and decided to go through the night until my morning trip to the airport. Not my brightest idea.

Having arrived back at the apartment at 8am, I somehow decided there was enough time for an hour's sleep (noooooooo) so I set my alarm and promptly slept through it. Waking 90 minutes later than planned, I ran pell mell to the metro, then the MagLev train, zooming to the airport at over 400km an hour to inevitable failure. I was lucky to be transferred to the next day's flight for a reduced fee and booked myself into the airport hotel (thankfully in the airport this time). When I entered the room, the bed with a sad face (above) summed things up. After a few hours' unconsciousness on said sad face, and as the metro only cost 70 pence, I headed back into Shanghai for a cheeky bonus mooch around the beautiful and labyrinthine Tian Zi Fang and, like a ghost who wasn't meant to be there, made some relatively relaxed peace with a city I struggle to understand.

22-09-14 / ENCOUNTERS / SPECIAL MENTION FOR 'STEW & PUNCH' IN TENERIFE

It's that time of year again, leaving Encounters Short Film Festival behind for another four seasons and suddenly having to adjust to being under a post-festival pisscloud. This was Encounters' 20th edition; definitely something to celebrate at a time when too many festivals are being forced to bring their shutters down. I was honoured to play my part by contributing an essay about the importance of film festivals to their anniversary publication and to take part in the ‘retrospective insight’ talk. I finally got to attend the popular Late Lounge section for a barmy smattering of "trash" films (sex, violence, humour).

So a good time was had once again, and when it was all over I discovered the amazing boat transport from the city centre (right outside the main festival location) to the train station. Perhaps the festival should encourage people to use the service as it gives a great impression of Bristol for arriving guests. It certainly took the edge off leaving for me, at least until the subsequent torture of Sunday rail travel, when journeys take twice as long and are thrice as populated, with enough irritating 'whistle' alerts from Samsung phones to compose the Colonel Bogey March 57 times over. A poor lady at the next table suffered a very public panic attack when the train was redirected through a long tunnel, putting my irritable brain syndrome into humbled perspective.

And Stew & Punch received a special mention at Tenerife Shorts, yey!

11-09-14 / THINGS...

A scribble of things have been happening. The broadcast of Stew & Punch on Sky Arts went without a hitch, I'm collaborating with another photographer to resuscitate a short film I had aborted during prep four years ago, and I escaped the UK for a writing stint in Hamburg to develop my new feature film (!). Yes, a gentle but official ball has begun rolling so now I just need to get it to the top of the hill in order to roll it down the other side and see what happens.

While in Hamburg, the Wall is a Screen crowd were hosting a 'maritime' edition of their famed event, meaning a cruise through the lesser known areas of the Hamburg harbour with water-themed films projected from the boat onto docks, bridges and other ships. The always-unpredictable moments of these random screenings were typically present and correct, especially when Mark Baker's Jolly Roger had to be paused for another passenger boat as it passed in front of the 'screen'. The paused film, coincidentally frozen on an angry pirate's face, summed up the interruption and surely left the passing craft's passengers bamboozled. Great fun, and soon followed by St Pauli's annual weekend of culture (or something), involving fresh homemade sausages on the street, yum.

Somewhere amongst this, another session I shot for The Petebox was released, which you can check here. Also, I don't recall if I previously published a link to this nutty little favourite from last year.

13-08-14 / 'STEW & PUNCH' BROADCAST RESCHEDULED

News just in that Stew & Punch will now be broadcast NEXT wednesday (20th) instead of this evening, due to Robin Williams' suicide and sensitive content in the other film that screens in the programme.

06-08-14 / 'STEW & PUNCH' ON TV

Stew & Punch will be broadcast on Sky Arts on Sunday August 13th (the weekend after next!) as the opening episode of Rankin presents: Collabor8te. The programme features interviews with myself and lead actor Marc Ryan-Jordan.

27-07-14 / SPECIAL MENTION FOR 'STEW & PUNCH'

Stew & Punch just won the special mention at Wiz-Art, Lviv International Short Film Festival in Ukraine.

10-07-14 / WHAT THE

Valentine's weekend, February 2004. The previous year had been a shitfest and I'd made nothing since the testing experience of What About the Bodies. Unsure what I wanted to do with my life and generally feeling under the cosh, regular collaborator and fellow pulp sci-fi fetishist Tim Cunningham gave me a short story he'd written. A particular element of said story tickled my fancy and I found myself adapting it into a script we could shoot over a weekend. The film saved me in many ways and I have very fond memories of making it, the best way, with a supremely dedicated skeleton crew doing it out of pure love.

14-06-14 / NEW COMMERCIAL / HAMBURG SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

A one-day commercial shoot in Barry Island for the Welsh goverment. A hasty wrap and race for the train to London. Editing at Envy the following day, then grading and VFX preparation the next. Hard to believe we were shooting in Wales only two days before. The VFX team began their wizardry while I made my way to the airport for the annual Hamburg International Short Film Festival.

Strolled off the train at Gatwick, a mite frazzled, and almost dropped a payload as the train pulled away with my bag and passport still on board. An airport staff member was nothing short of angelic, calling the guard at the next station to have the bag found and switched onto the next returning train which, miraculously, worked out JUST in the nick of time. Legged it through departures with one minute to spare, brain ejaculating with gratitude for the human race. This doesn't happen often.

Didn't submit a film to the festival this year, but managed a quick happy birthday video for their 30th anniversary. John Smith's contribution was typically brilliant. The festival's regular Wall is a Screen event (screening films on public wall spaces around the city) surpassed itself by showing each film in its original format, combining a 35mm projector, a 16mm projector, VHS, Betamax and Betacam machines. No mean feat on the street yo. Massive audiences due to the balmy temperature, which climaxed in a dramatic storm the following day. Moments before the eerie sky emptied its bladder, clouds billowed in weird waves like something from War of the Worlds. Gentle Germans squealed and scampered inside, fleeing wind, rain, and potential alien invasion. Time to slip into the film market and see some recommended titles.

Always good to see a new one from the ever-reliable Jay Rosenblatt (The Claustrum) but the film that really snapped me out of my torpor was Hannes Vartiainen & Pekka Veikkolainen's Emergency Calls (Finland). For the rest of my stay I found myself jabbering on about it to anyone who happened to be standing next to me. Probably my favourite short of this year so far.

Returning to the commercial in London, the visual effects had come along nicely. It was clear we were in good hands with this team, and I'd work with them again in a heartbeat. Having others do the VFX legwork is new for me. Two days of this, followed by half a day mixing sound, and everything was finished. A quick pint, a train home, and the hectic but satisfying fortnight was over.

04-05-14 / BRUSSELS / A FLIGHT FROM HECK

Unfortunately I only got to see the programme that included Stew & Punch and I regret not seeing more because the selection was solid. The show was easily sold out, only being able to accommodate half the massive queue outside, and you can't ask for better than that from a festival. Look out for Jean-Francois Asselin's Memorable Moi (Canada) for rapidly escalating comedy, or Carine May's La Viree a Paname (France) for the best lead actor's face I've seen in ages. I've no idea if the other nine international programmes were as good or if I just got lucky to screen in good company. Unless of course my [in]tolerance is calming with age, in which case it's compensating by becoming more aggro in other areas (no thank you), but more on that later.

Some reflections about Brussels: There seemed a curious lack of dogs. Also, cars didn't have brakes, especially at zebra crossings. The various comic art murals around town were smashing and I'd now like a colourful Asterix brawl to liven up my house (no offence TinTin, I love you too). The Jean-Claude Van Damme statue (yes, there is one) is a missed opportunity that might otherwise have been a much-photographed attraction with people lining up to be kicked in the chops by the Muscles de Bruxelles. Conversely, Manneken Pis is so swamped it's creepy. As if hordes of people scrumming to fill their phones with pictures of a boy's bronze todger wasn't unsettling enough, on this occasion said digit was poking out of a bright orange raincoat. Like a flasher. One waffle store even has him poised over the delights on offer, but it seems okay to suggest soiling waffles with boypiss so long as he's wearing a funny hat. One can't help wondering, if the statue of JCVD had him lashing into a shop doorway, it might send tourism through the roof.

After a good festival I landed with a dull thud when reminded how aggravating fellow passengers on a Ryanair flight can be, and by the time the plane touched down I found myself wishing I was a copper so I could throw half of the rowdy bell-ends in jail and melt the key. Then, on the subsequent train journey from Manchester I started to wonder if a) I'm sociopathic, and b) why commuters' collective respect for others plummets so fatally on weekends. First there were two different couples who relentlessly slurped and pecked at each other like hungry birds nibbling at infinite jelly. Then there was a fellow sitting opposite who decided to stare at me like it was going to win him a prize. Happy to see him disembark at Sheffield with my day almost unruined, a couple got on and took his place. I sat willing them not to start necking when, five minutes later, the man leans over to his girlfriend and begins to helpfully pull hairs from her chin, like a chimp might pick flies off its pal. Then I get home to find that the BNP have been dropping flyers through people's doors. I only went away for a few days, so did the UK go mad or what?

24-04-14 / NYC TRIBECA FILM FESTIVAL

First off, BIG thanks to the British Council and BFI for the Shorts Support Scheme travel grant that made the trip to NYC possible. Tribeca Film Festival 2014, with 57 shorts selected for competition from over 3000 entries, so Stew & Punch is very chuffed with itself. My apartment was nestled between Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges in Chinatown, replete with all the excellent shabby-chique NY cliches like steaming manholes and fire escapes. Without time to register at the festival centre I went straight to a UK film reception and stood in the corner like a mindful cop, wondering why there wasn't a single British accent and realising that this must make me THE British filmmaker. Frustratingly, I couldn't get into my booked screening of Keith Miller's Five Star (USA) because I didn't arrive 30mins early, pff.

Day 2: Got myself registered and met the super-helpful festival gent Ben Thompson, an indispensible ally from the day my film was selected. Mooched off to do some GoPro filming and sound recording, starting with a walk across Manhattan Bridge from the Brooklyn end. Later, at the Panavision cocktails, I was thrilled to meet Michael Berryman. A bona fide legend throughout my childhood, easily recognised by anyone who has seen the original The Hills Have Eyes, One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest or Weird Science. He was starring in the short film One Please, much gruesome fun and director Jesse Burks, who gave the most delightfully humble Q&A I've ever seen. Got lost on the way home then watched rats scurrying around the garbage across the street. I thought they were cute until I crossed the street to try photographing them and experienced a whole new kind of shudder.

Day 3: Bright sunshine, boom! The first screening of Stew & Punch in the Moral Fibers programme and it went down great. At a key point in the film a stranger sitting next to me bellowed "Shit! Noo! Shit!" hehe. The film was in good company too - not only were the other films solid but the programme itself was compiled with care. As many (but not all) programmers already know, this is utterly crucial - when the order of shorts in a programme are thrown together without rhyme or reason they can easily step all over each other. After all, you wouldn't eat your ice cream before your fish and then end with soup, and so it's the same for short film programming. Lots of encouraging feedback for Stew & Punch, especially from a bear-like man whose huge hand utterly swallowed mine. Met one of my favourite 80s 'brat pack' ensemble actors Casey Siemaszko (Stand By Me, Biloxi Blues, Three O'Clock High), who was very cool and has aged quite brilliantly, the lucky bastard. Ate two slices of pizza that were each as big as my head, then caught a late screening of Talya Lavie's excellent Zero Motivation (Israel), a black comedy about a unit of women serving at an Israeli military base. It kept me wide awake and smiling from start to finish. Highly recommended. Before hitting the sack I perched on the stoop outside my apartment and found much enjoyment watching passers-by freak out in their various ways as they realised they were in the company of my new rat pals. This became a nightly entertainment before bed.

Day 4: Became quite obsessed with an idea for a new short film and spent the majority of the day recording sound. And I finally, FINALLY made it to Coney Island (home of The Warriors, nerds). In 2007 an interview was arranged for me on the iconic Wonder Wheel, which was set to be paused as I reached the top, then due to some issue with my phone network I didn't make it, which I still rue to this day. This time it was a busy Easter Sunday and sunny as hell but COLD. Back to Manhattan and I had the pleasure of seeing Tyler Measom and Just Weinstein's superb feature documentary An Honest Liar (USA). Telling the colourful story of stalwart magician 'The Great Randi', who made it his mission to expose charlatans exploiting magic for money, Randi himself took to the stage afterwards and charmed the pants off the audience. An all-round great experience and a film well worth catching if you get the chance. The second screening of Stew & Punch was as gratifying as the first, then there was the short film party and a bunch of us ended up crashing at an apartment in Alphabet City rented by, believe it or not, an English bloke who studied in Derby under the tutelage of a mutual colleague from Nottingham.

Day 5: After only 3 hours of sleep on a hard wooden floor I zombied my way to see David McKenzie's Starred Up (UK). I would have seen it already during its UK release but I'd already booked for Tribeca so was determined to wait. Simply excellent. The best British film I've seen in ages; violent yes, but terribly harrowing. As for the Q&A, some people really should think before they ask nonsensical questions. The film is a more than worthy successor to the work of Alan Clarke (the obvious but unavoidable comparison) and I finally met lead actor Jack O'Connell, who hails from Nottingham's television workshop and was a potential choice for the mob leader in Soft 8 years ago (ultimately though, I was blessed with the fearsome genius of Michael Socha so I can hardly complain). It filled me with heart to see a Nottingham TV Workshop alumnus flying the flag at a festival like Tribeca, absolutely smashing it, then having a queue of cooing girls wanting their picture taken with him. Damn shame that our schedules didn't allow him to catch his workshop colleagues in Stew & Punch.

Day 6: The problem with NYC is that there's always too much to squash into a short trip. This last day ended up being a hectic runaround, though I managed to grab a relatively peaceful hour in Brooklyn's Prospect Park. My GoPro battery expired and I had to park myself under a tree to give it just enough juice, via laptop, to do what I needed on Brooklyn Bridge. Through all of this I completely missed the director's brunch; the annual event where filmmakers eat lots of free stuff and hobnob with Mr. De Niro. Sneaked into a final shorts programme before leaving and once again it was a strong show, only slightly compromised by the old fella sitting next to me who insisted on biting/chewing his finger all the way through Mat Kirkby's The Phone Call (a very quiet UK film, so gobby slurping was most unwelcome). Sad to leave, but mission accomplished. I won't miss the black bogeys or the ubiquitous "like, like, like" speech afflictions, but I met so many, like, ace people and saw, like, a bunch of cracking films, which is, like, what it's all about. Tribeca really has a good balance of status and intimacy. The sheer busyness of big festivals can often result in standoffish hosting, but Sharon Badal, Ben Thompson and the rest of the team have really got things right here. Binge-watching Mad Men on the red-eye home wrapped the whole NYC experience in an appropriate bow.

Lots of good shorts but some highlights that hang in my immediate skull are Gareth Dunnet-Alcocer's Contrapelo (USA), Kimmo Ylakas' Kakara (Finland) and Arian Moayed's Day Ten (USA). Check them out at a festival near you if you get the chance.

UPDATE: The Israeli feature Zero Motivation won TWO prizes including Best Narrative Feature - Whoop! Very well deserved.

10-04-14 / NEW SITE / 10 AGAIN

Time for a change of clothes, oh yes, so here we are. Welcome to simonellisfilms.com and may you never ask me about the meaning of 'bubtowers' ever again. A few things are different - some streamlined navigation, a few more video uploads, and a spanking new YouTube channel which I'm building slowly but surely. To celebrate, here's the online debut (?!?) of a film I made 12 years ago called 10again:

02-04-14 / ERARTA FESTIVAL IN ST. PETERSBURG / TWITTER / DOMAIN CHANGE

Brilliant sunshine. Light snow. Meeting friends new and old. A hungry chameleon. Insane architecture. Vodka that looked like mushy peas. An intriguing tattoo. Paintings. Getting lost and being rescued. A very bad hotdog. A brilliant real dog. More brilliant sunshine. Sudden cold and snow. Photo-crushing, pouty hangover syndrome... Fantastic to finally make the very brief but long-overdue trip to St Petersburg.

I was on jury duty and also screened a retrospective, repping the UK alongside English legend John Smith. The connecting theme of the films in competition was painting and art, and while this might seem a rather restrictive niche, these were great films of extremely varied execution. The organisers were a great bunch and it was one of those trips where you take away that little bit more than seeing films and meeting new people. We were kindly given tours of the obligatory tourist highlights like the church of spilled blood (below) and the Hermitage museum. Most surprising of all for me was the return of a part of my brain which had been on holiday ever since my Fine Art university days. Big thanks to Vadim, Alexei, Katya, Denis, Lidiia, and everyone else who made it such a special time.

People talk about the UK having a fickle climate but it's got nothing on Russia. During the journey back to the airport we experienced brilliant sunshine, then grey skies and snow, then brilliant sunshine, followed by more snow, all in the course of 30 minutes.

In other news, I finally threw caution to the wind and joined the Twittersphere.

Speaking of my Twitter hashtag, bubtowers.com will be changing its URL to simonellisfilms.com (link already active) as part of a general online branding overhaul. It's really the long-overdue result of too many enquiries about what 'bubtowers' means. I'm even planning a YouTube channel. Better late than never!

11-03-14 / 'IT'S WHAT WE DO' CAMPAIGN SMASHING IT / 'STEW & PUNCH' IN BRUSSELS

Well, the Scottish Police films have gotten off to a great start, scooping a prestigous Hot Shot (commercial of the week) from Shots and five stars on David Reviews, who said:

“This remarkable online piece, designed to remind us that the police often have to take extraordinary risks in order to protect the public, was filmed in a single sequence. This proves very effective, especially once the two officers are inside the house, and the effect of what happens at the end is pretty chilling. It seems to be throwing down the gauntlet to anyone considering the police as a career: are you up to this kind of challenge? Probably the vast majority of us would categorically say no, but then maybe that's exactly the point - only those who might be capable will seriously think about it.”

In other news, Stew & Punch will screen at Brussels Short Film Festival at the end of April.

11-03-14 / 'STEW & PUNCH' U.S PREMIERE AT TRIBECA FILM FESTIVAL

North American premiere of Stew & Punch at this year's Tribeca Film Festival in NYC this April, with screenings on the 19th, 20th, 24th and 27th.

10-03-14 / SCOTTISH POLICE FEDERATION FILMS - 'IT'S WHAT WE DO'

Och, here's the finished films I did for the Scottish Police Federation with the boys at Brain Candy Films, which went live today. Any nuts out there who might be interested in a detailed blog of the production will find it here, although there is a bonus fourth film below, by John Duncan, which documents the behind-the-scenes shenanigans for those who can't [be bothered to] read.

01-03-14 / SCOTTISH POLICE FEDERATION FILMS FINISHED

Grade completed at MyTherapy in London yesterday, whoop. Here's Dado at the wheels of steel while the two muppets behind him discuss the intricacies of kelvin, knee, pedestal, lift, gamma and gain. Oh yes...

10-02-14 / FILMING IN SCOTLAND

Just spent a week in Scotland shooting three shorts for the Scottish Police Federation. Working with Brain Candy Films in Birmingham, it was a roaring success and we didn't even get rained on (a minor miracle in itself for Scotland in February, surely?). I suppose it's always the done thing to gush about one's team after a shoot has wrapped, but this lot were incredible. There wasn't a single dent in our collective armour and every single person gave it their all without complaint. The proverbial machine. And when the police liason is telling you each day how accurate the casting is, you know you're doing something right.

Kudos to the boys at Brain Candy for assembling such a winning crew. I even got to "release my inner vandal" (thanks for that Ash) and kick a car's head in to let off steam. More on the resulting films later, but we're talking about 3 x 2min films, each shot in one continuous take, focusing on the difficult decisions that police officers are forced to make when up against it.

23-01-14 / NEW FESTIVAL TRAILER

So, a few months ago I was given a brief to create a trailer for Punto De Vista Documentary Film Festival, the brief being ‘the frozen image’. I decided to wait for snow so I could film something in my garden or similar, only the snow never came and time was running out. Instead, I visited a local second-hand shop, bought a beautiful old 8mm camera, and put it inside my freezer. After knocking up a makeshift greenscreen in my kitchen and filming the camera several times I managed to come up with this (below). Please be sure to watch in HD through headphones:

10-12-13 / LEUVEN SHORT FILM FESTIVAL & THE END OF AN ERA

My second visit to lovely Leuven, and a busier time than the usual festival jaunt. Initially invited to hold a masterclass in short film writing, a jury invitation for the Flemish competition soon followed, while Stew & Punch simultaneously participated in the European Competition. Then RITS film school in Brussels asked if I would be interested in hosting a series of script development workshops with six candidates who are working towards finished drafts for potential production finance.

Humbling as such invitations are, I generally decline them on the grounds that any teaching of short film writing is a suspicious practice. After all, I'm only a writer by proxy of directing, self-taught with no academic experience, but I know you don't need a set of guidelines to make a short film. I used to have a similar dilemma about attending juries, because let's face it: who am I to vote? Then I decided that if I didn't vote then someone else would, and it may as well be me if I want to see the rightful films winning prizes. Add to this the opportunity to watch a lot of short films, which has always been my education in the medium, and it became a no-brainer. So, I said yes to the workshops and thoroughly enjoyed working with each and every candidate. I hope to see their finished films at a festival before long.

The masterclass was my final duty and it was lovely that so many people showed up. Almost as soon as it was over I felt my brain gratefully shutting down. I then found out that Stew & Punch came third in the votes for the Audience Award, so just when i was feeling all bronzey and everyone was being so nice... a bad thing happened. After telling someone only hours before about my 19 years of not vomiting, I woke at 5am with my stomach on fire. I knew it was about to happen, that my reign would sadly not reach its 20th anniversary, and so my hotel room turned into a scene from The Exorcist. Being a confirmed emetophobe, the experience was terrifying and continued relentlessly until my scheduled pick-up for the airport at 12pm. Dehydrated because I couldn't hold down fluid, delirious from one hour's sleep, I tripped on my own feet through the airport and somehow managed to get home with my dignity intact.

26-11-13 / 'STEW & PUNCH' WINS AT EXGROUND FILM FESTIVAL

Massive thanks to Andrea Wink and the team from Exground Filmfest in Wiesbaden for selecting Stew & Punch in the first instance, and thanks of course to the jury for awarding it the prize for Best International Short Film. Final thanks go to the audiences for responding so brilliantly - there were some great films in the competition and the ones that make people laugh are seldom awarded jury prizes. "Comedy", if you believe in such a limiting description for a genre, is usually the preserve of audience awards, so I'm buzzing that this particular jury highlighted the density of the drama beyond the black comedy on the surface. All of the small details which cast & crew worked so hard at helping me to include were recognised and appreciated. I received so many great compliments from people and every single one of them warmed the cockles of my increasingly cynical heart. I'm genuinely choked that it has been honoured in this way. Many thanks to festival photographer Dagmar Rittner for the photographs:

The full jury statement: "The film tells a macro story of a microcosm. We easily follow the director's invitation to look through a magnifying glass onto modern society. Today, man's role seems to be blurred and evokes situations of discordance and tension. The director masterfully combines ancient three-act drama with innovative film language. His statement encourages us to reflect our own position and overcome obsolete conventions. Great actors, brilliant camera work, perfect timing and a fine sense of British humour - this recipe punched us."

20-11-13 / INTERNATIONAL CREAM

Woah, I knew I'd been absent for a while, but TWO MONTHS?!? Where does it go? In that time I've been mostly quarantined with a virus, a virus which kicked off after watching five feature films a day at London Film Festival - so there you have it, films ARE bad for your health. I also had to decline an invitation to be on the BAFTA short film jury, my chance to do some justice and try to steer things in a better direction, but of course I wouldn't have been able to submit Stew & Punch if I accepted, pfff. It's probably too celebrity-less for BAFTA but you have to try these things.

International Cream: I have programmed a selection of my favourite short films for Bang Short Film Festival here in Nottingham, a refined version of the programme I did for Festival No6. It's on December 1st at 5pm. Never mind your Sunday malaise, book now and turn up, or you won't be there.

20-09-13 / ENCOUNTERS: A UK SUCCESS TO BE PROUD OF

The only thing worse than leaving a really nice festival is having to leave it prematurely, and Encounters has become THE prime event in the UK with a buzz that goes from strength to strength each year. Bursting at the seams with guests that include almost all of the competing filmmakers, a vast range of top-notch programming and talks, I was crushed to leave before the weekend even started. And with festival director and pal Liz Harkman leaving for Australia this year, I have no doubt that said weekend's celebrations will be significant. Bon voyage Liz!

After two very different-looking projections of my homemade DCP of Stew & Punch (too little contrast in one festival, way too much in another), I'm somewhat relieved to say that it looked exactly right at Encounters, although their presentation has always been second to none so I needn't have worried. Considering I was screening at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon I was astonished to find the theatre completely full (!) and ALL of the competing directors in attendance. Amazing!

Finally, it's cry-worthy that I had to miss Franz Treichler's live soundtrack performance when The Young Gods were such a significant band of my late teens. I never thought I'd see a day where I was telling an amused Franz how I was punched in the face at one of his gigs over 20 years ago. Delighted to discover that he's a bloody nice bloke because it's so disappointing when it goes the other way.

16-09-13 / FESTIVAL NO.6 SHORT FILM CINEMA

Straight from a real Italian town to a pretend one - Portmeirion in Wales. The rain lashed down for two days out of three and there was a 'code red' weather warning which downed several trees and flattened tents. Thankfully, there was one day of glorious sunshine and it didn't clash with the programme I was screening, which consisted of ten shorts totalling two hours, looped four times. The venue was a cute little hut where the forest meets the town, with only thirty seats and surprsingly effective back projection.

Thanks to all the directors for agreeing to participate! For anyone interested, this was the line-up: Premature (Gunhild Enger, Norway), The Centrifuge Brain Project (Till Nowak, Germany), Incident by a Bank (Ruben Ostlund, Sweden), Afraid So (Jay Rosenblatt, USA), Dad's Stick (John Smith, UK), Stew & Punch (Simon Ellis, UK), Bear (Nash Edgerton, Australia), Tumult (Johnny Barrington, UK), Animals I Killed Last Summer (Gustav Danielsson, Sweden), The Apocalypse (Andrew Zuchero, USA).

12-09-13 / MILAN FILM FESTIVAL / FESTIVAL NO.6

Another smashing time at Milano Film Festival - a bonus burst of cheeky summer as the chill arrived in the UK and, frankly, it's cack to be home. Aside from Stew & Punch screening in competition it was the festival's 18th anniversary, which meant nightly screenings of a 'platinum programme' of their favourite shorts from previous editions. This included screenings of Soft, What About the Bodies, What The and 10 Again. After Jam Today was rained off in 2011 it was most gratifying to finally see not one but two of my films on the open air screen. I even lugged a proper camera over there to capture the occasion. Many thanks to all of the festival staff for making me feel welcome, as always, and to my host Lucia for letting me stay in her lovely apartment.

A few films that stood out for me were Oscar Ruiz Navia's Solecito (Colombia), Jorge Lopez Navarrete's Little Block of Cement With Disheveled Hair Containing the Sea (Spain), Monia Chokri's An Extraordinary Person (Canada). And from the animated films: Anna Mantzaris & Eirik Gronmo Bjornsen's But Milk Is Important (Norway) and Nicolas de Leval Jezierski's Half You Met My Girlfriend (Germany).

Finally, if you happen to be attending Festival No.6 in Portmeirion this Friday (tomorrow, eek), I programmed the No.6 Short Film Cinema. Ten shorts from Norway, Sweden, Germany, USA, UK and Australia, handpicked on instinct for people who may not be used to seeing short films. Be warned that the show includes occasional graphic content so it's probably best if you don't bring the kids along.

23-08-13 / ANONIMUL - A FILM FESTIVAL IN PARADISE

There are some film festivals you return from with such an enormous sense of satisfaction, with memories you know you will keep forever and new friends you will stay in touch with. I'm not sure my words and photographs can justly illustrate the Anonimul experience. Stepping off the plane into 37 degree heat was a promising start, but then things just got better and better. And better. A relaxed afternoon and evening in Bucharest guaranteed a fresh head for the long journey the following morning: a four-hour drive east to take a one-hour speedboat ride up the Danube, to the festival location of Sfantu Gheorghe, described on the festival website as "a magical place, where the Danube meets the Black Sea, an unconventional, picturesque place out of time... with many flowers, sun, sand, vividly painted houses burst by the wind, with hand-made wooden decorations and reed roofs".

Our outward journey was an adventure in itself, with eighteen guests and their luggage (including musical instruments) packed into a minibus. Two hours into the journey, in the middle of parched nowhere, the engine made a snapping sound and a tyre blew. After a number of failed attempts to keep going we ended up stranded next to a sunflower field, munching on fresh seeds. Everyone was in great spirits and it was such an odd sight, all of us different nationalities, getting to know each other in this bizarre situation. When replacement transport arrived, we made it to the Danube and the speedboat set off. I was busy filming from the back of the boat when the driver put his foot down and my sunglasses were sucked from my face, spiralling into the river. My vampiric eyes prepared for the imminent three-day headache, but I was saved by the generosity of Italian director Aldo Iluniano (how cool is that name?) who gave up his own shades for the whole stretch. Thanks Aldo, you really did save me from a predicament.

The 'Green Village' complex, where we stayed for the duration, is again difficult to describe. Quite simply, I was on holiday, complete with swimming pool and the chirruping of crickets. We met the organisers, who were so lovely and apologetic about our ten-hour journey, even though we had already forgotten about it. I then found out that Stew & Punch was screening at 2am on the outdoor screen so I stuck around for it, just for the thrill of being able to see it projected underneath a vast milky way, not to mention the remains of the Perseids meteor shower. A beautiful experience. When I first heard about this festival several years ago there was much talk about the mosquitoes, and they were true to their reputation, though they couldn't mar the experience of being in such a mellow environment with equally mellow people (both guests and organisers).

A feature film from Emir Baigazin called Harmony Lessons (Kazakhstan) looked superb, with perfectly executed scenes of bullying demanding my attention, though I only saw parts of it and had to make myself leave in order to preserve the experience for future viewing. This was its Romanian premiere and it already won prizes in Berlin and Tribeca earlier this year. I can't wait to see it in full. Congratulations also to the charismatic Yuri Bykov (Russia) for winning the main prize for his feature The Major. I only caught the first thirty minutes but it's one of those openers that grabs you by the nuts and doesn't let go.

The Black Sea was only a twenty-minute walk away and on the last night we opted not to sleep so we could go and watch the sun rise. I honestly didn't want to leave and considered burying myself in the sand for a day or two. Alas, I didn't, and it was time to go spend a last night in Bucharest before returning home. The money-grabbing scumbags at WizzAir threatened to interrupt my good mood by stinging me for cash at the airport, then a flight full of typically embarrassing, borderline-retarded English 'lads' made me ashamed to be English. Finally, there was a dramatic finish when a young Romanian man was seized by police after getting off the plane, leaving his crying girlfriend at baggage reclaim. In summary though, if you are a filmmaker and you ever get the chance to visit Anonimul, take it without hesitation.

05-08-13 / UPCOMING SCREENINGS OF 'STEW & PUNCH' AND 'SOFT'

Stew & Punch will be screening at a few imminent festivals - Anonimul (Romania, August), Silhouette (Paris, September), Milano (Italy, September) and Encounters (Bristol, UK, September). Also, if you're based in or near Amsterdam, here is an interesting looking open air screening of Soft, happening next Friday. There is an accompanying interview (in Dutch) here.

04-07-13 / WHAT ABOUT THE BODIES

Here's an old festival favourite from 2002 which became a benchmark for me in terms of stressful shoots. I'd always operated my own camera but on this one the ambition was bigger in terms of location, weather, stunts, tricks, and my first crane shot. I made the stupid mistake of thinking I could shoot it all in two days without accounting for the fact that it was almost winter and daylight was in short supply. On top of that there was the fickle climate of the English Lake District and a massive scribble of other problems, like a vintage car that didn't much like driving long distances. Ultimately, my team saved my ass by agreeing to return to the location three weeks later for next to nothing and shoot two more days, by which time I had edited the first half of the film. I learned a crapload on this bugger.

12-06-13 / 'STEW & PUNCH' WORLD PREMIERE AT IKFF HAMBURG

Another year, another Hamburg International Short Film Festival, and Stew & Punch was well received. Elsewhere, an audience member suffered some kind of seizure during a programme, and one crazy Russian fell asleep on the S-Bahn every night while travelling home, either waking at the airport or going back and forth for 4 hours on one occasion. As this happens to him so frequently, I think there might just be an amusing documentary to be discussed. Big thanks to the British Council & BFI for funding the trip!

My washing machine is rinsing the last of the Hamburg atmosphere from my clothes as I write this, and I may have to run a second cycle (okay, that sounds a bit weird but there is meaning in there somewhere). Alliteratively speaking, the key ingredients for this festival are sunshine, sausage, schnapps, and a shitload of shorts. Oh, and sleep deprivation. Sometimes the sun is missing but for 2013 all elements were very much present and correct. The festival surpassed their typically generous array of side programmes by exploiting several new locations within their extensive warehouse premises, whether it be outdoor walls or the nooks of a subterranean boiler room. It's difficult to imagine how they could squeeze in more films and I can't help wondering what next year's 30th anniversary edition might bring.

There were some truly smashing films in the international competition and a few highlights were Paul Fegan's Pouters (Scotland), Jean-Bernard Marlin's La Fugue (France), Jenni Toivoniemi's The Date (Finland), Gunhild Enger's A Simpler Life (Sweden), Artykpai Suiundukov's Nomadic (Kyrgyzstan), Adrian Orr's Good Morning Resistance (Spain), Gustav Danielsson's Animals I Killed Last Summer (Sweden), and John Smith's Dad's Stick (England). Normal life is rubbish, Hamburg über alles!

29-05-13 / DOING REALLY WELL

Another film from the archive, and its online debut. This one fully illustrates the editing fetish I had after the arrival of non-linear desktop systems liberated us from the constraints of old-school machine editing (by comparison, my latest film Stew & Punch, which is almost 17 minutes long, contains only 2 edits). It's all delightfully barmy and watching through the rushes was a real education in terms of the way I used to worked at the time.

25-04-13 / ONE AND A HALF BRAS

Just remastered the short film which became the first third of 10 again in 2002:

25-03-13 / CHARLATAN RENAMES 'SOFT' AND TRIES TO PASS IT OFF AS HIS OWN

Amongst you are directors, producers, film festival programmers, commissioners and musicians, all of whom i'd like to make aware of Jean Philippe Farber, who has uploaded a film of mine onto YouTube and changed the credits to claim it as his own. while his effort is more amusing than anything else, the sheer audacity is shocking - in the end credits he has re-spelled everyone's names, including myself as 'Simon Temple' for editing, himself for writing and directing, and claiming copyright between himself and the BBC.

I happen to know from an aquaintance who dealt with JPB in the past that he is an actual practioner of film in the UK, so this isn't some teenage YouTube prank. He also has a website under his name. It will obviously be no trouble getting the upload removed, and it may already be gone by the time you read this, but it's important that as many people see this as possible in order to expose JPB's duplicity and prevent him from potentially taking an honest filmmaker's rightful slot in a festival programme with a film that might not be his his own, or be commissioned with a script that is stolen intellectual property (for example). I would never seriously consider such ludicrous hypotheses were this theft not so brazen, and I would like to prevent anyone else's time being wasted by JPB, whether it be thoughts of collaboration based on unconfirmed experience or simply time wasted having to blow the whistle in a case like this. After all, once his upload is removed people won't know he ever did it. Honestly, this world...

UPDATE 1: The internet is a wonderful thing and feedback has been amazing. The plot has thickened somewhat and while some things wouldn't be appropriate to post online (oh the irony) it transpires that JPF has done the same thing with a US short by Dan Trachtenberg, re-editing as well as re-titling it. For anyone interested, and before they are removed, the original film is here and the buggered version here.

UPDATE 2: JPF realised something was happening and removed two separate links to my film personally, before Channel 4 enforced the removal of his 'showreel', which also featured three minutes of my work and parts of other people's films. The trigger pulled, I finally sent him an email and, surprise surprise, two of his other short films have magically vanished.

20-03-13 / JURY IN THE NETHERLANDS / APOCALYPSE

Time flew during jury duties at GoShort festival in Nijmegen and it was really too much of a blur to report anything other than some favourite films, including Anna Frances Ewert's Endless Day (Germany), Oliver Schwarz's Dream Girl (Germany), Jan van Ijken's Facing Animals (Netherlands) and Sam de Jong's Magnesium (Netherlands). There were sadly many special programmes that clashed with work and therefore had to be missed, although it was an utter pleasure to see the Laurel & Hardy short Big Business by James W Horne (1929) on the big screen (they don't make them like they used to, etc etc).

I also found about, and was given, a book that was published in 2010 containing short stories by writers based on the synopses of several short films, Soft being one of them. The book was accompanied by a DVD of the films. I didn't ever hear about this.

On a slight tangent, here's an amusing short from this year's Sundance:

15-02-13 / 'STEW & PUNCH' PRESS SCREENING / UTOPIA

It's been a mad month or so. A couple of weeks in Hamburg trying to write, then home, then back to Germany for a few days at Berlin Film Festival, then finally the rather glitzy press launch of six short films made for the Collabor8te scheme, including my own Stew & Punch.

Berlin was pretty much a blur. I almost missed my flight going out and coming back, flying direct to London for the Collabor8te press launch in my festival scruffs. It turned out to be a champagne-and-celebrities affair at the Old Lumiere Cinema on Regent Street, which I utterly failed to adapt to after rough and ready Berlin. Stew & Punch was the final film in the programme and was thankfully well received, picking up a rather nice review here (you'll need to scroll down a bit).

Finally, while I was away Channel 4 launched Utopia, starring the exceptional young Oliver Woollford who debuted in my last short Jam Today - whooop, go Oliver!

31-01-13 / A MUSIC VIDEO FROM TOO LONG AGO

I've been wanting to post this music video for aaaages. It has been power-snoozing in the archives for far too many Sundays, and I even had to go trawling through this blog to find evidence of the date I shot it. Seems I didn't mention it at the time, but from checking the file metadata I deduce it was late Summer 2011. I had shot a binaural acoustic version of this number already, so here is the studio version. Given that my intention was to choreograph a single, unedited sequence, for which we couldn't find an appropriately minimal location for free, it was decided that I would hijack "at least three hours" (my words) after their soundcheck at a London gig. This way I craftily stole the space for nothing; tee blummin hee, right? We all squeezed into a circle on stage in the same arrangement I'd sketched out, then we were told we had only 45 minutes before being booted out. So with very little time and only available spotlights, we moved fast, without a camera rig, follow-focus or viewfinder. After five takes we were out of there. Ohhh for a sixth.

05-01-13 / 'BINAURAL SWIMMING (BEACH)' BACK ONLINE / 'STEW & PUNCH' IMMINENT

Here's the documentary sequel to Binaural Swimming (Skyspace) which I originally posted in October 2011 then had to remove for a festival screening opportunity. Don't ask why it took so long to get back online because I don't have a good answer. Remember to watch it through headphones though...

My new short film Stew & Punch is sprinting to the finish line. This is always the trickiest of times, watching it back endlessly while making those final adjustments, being mindful to keep perspective and not overcook anything before delivery. It's an excruciating dichotomy of relief and ordeal that is quite impossible to articulate in a few daft words, and I'm not about to write an essay on the matter.

13-12-12 / NEW MUSIC VIDEO

While in the final throes of post production on Stew & Punch (sound mix and final picture imminent) I restored a wee bit of sanity putting together this batty music video for Swimming:

18-11-12 / JURY DUTY IN BREST / A SPECIAL MUSIC VIDEO

It was still dark in Brest when I left this morning, then it was raining in Paris, but Birmingham was all booming sunshine when I landed and it's funny what cheers one up after only 90 minutes of sleep, even if said sunshine was wasted on my undead head. Brest was brief and brilliantly bananas. While there was a lack of drunken Breton brawling compared to last year, the cinema audiences seemed even more enthusiastic for the films, and that's saying something. Their sheer numbers and insane fervour really made an impression on me last time and they pretty much blew me away again, exhibiting the kind of excitement that most festivals can only dream of seeing in their paying public. You should hear them holler when the festival trailer ends, even in the afternoon! It makes me wonder what they put in the water.

Interestingly, there was a male streaker who ran across the stage butt-naked on two occasions. Appropriately, his first caper was during a particular moment of Jean-Baptiste Saurel's porn-ish comedy The Dickslap, and he was clearly so chuffed with waggling his silhouetted balls on the stage that he decided to do it again during the closing ceremony. Under the spotlight this time, he wore a nappy to spare the crowds (and cameras), except that we, the jury, were standing right behind him. And we got a solid eyeful of dangle when he took a bow, I can tell you. Speaking of the jury, I got lucky again with my fellow jurors Mihai Mitrica, Ludovic Henry, Nabiha Akkari and Kris. Through much agreement and occasional friendly disagreement, we made the right choices for the right reasons. The schedule was fairly heavy: five 90 minute programmes for me on one day because of the need to view the non-subtitled films with English subs in between theatrical screenings, but despite the workload we got to go out and see some of Brittany's coast, pose for the cover of our upcoming album, and I ate the best crepe I ever had in Le Conquet. Thanks to Nabiha for some of these pictures (her wonderfully juvenile chocolate teeth trick was something to behold and damn I'm getting all misty-eyed already).

Right, enough with the sentimentality. Notable films were Gabriele Mainetti's Tiger Boy (Italy), Nicolas Guiot's Le Cri du Homard (Belgium/France), Michael Rittmannsberger's Punched (Austria), Fabrice Maruca's Coming Soon (France), Miha Hocevar's Can I Drive Daddy? (Slovenia), and of course Gunhild Enger's exemplary short Prematur (Norway), which I have bleated about in previous posts already. There were others too but I can't list them all.

To side-step for a moment, festival director and general bud Massimiliano Nardulli put me onto something I hadn't seen or heard of before, and I currently can't stop watching/listening to it. It's a music video using reappropriated footage from the 1962 Italian documentary Mondo Cane (A Dog's World), put together by one Jamie Harley. What makes it particularly hypnotic for me is that the footage is 1962 16mm shot in the streets and bars of my beloved Hamburg's St Pauli district. Anyone who has spent more than a fleeting amount of time in those streets can't fail to be fascinated by this raw document of the Reeperbahn's hedonistic heritage. It is something very special indeed, so fill your eyes and ears right up, right now. That means full screen, and louder... louder... a bit more... just a touch more... good:

This one here is a bit mad too.

01-11-12 / STEW & LOTS OF MUSIC

Like the titular broth, Stew & Punch is bubbling along slowly but surely, and there is a page for it here which includes some waffle by me and an on-set report from Lauren Bergin. Nothing else to reveal on the film yet. What else... I exploded my face off for Halloween fun and games.

In more musical news, Nottingham's free Branch Out music festival last week revealed a true bevy of world class performers sure to break through into ubergalacticmegastardom. Gawd bless Nottingham, just when I was starting to wonder where all the talent had gone. Hats off to John Sampson for a sublime performance in pitch blackness, Ady Suleiman, Georgie Rose and the exceptional Natalie Duncan. I also had the pleasure to see Max Richter and Britten Sinfonia perform his recomposed version of Vivaldi's The Four Seasons at the Barbican on Wednesday. Some moments of shivery bliss went on there, I can tell you. Made me want to give up filmmaking and learn violin. Again.L

03-10-12 / NEW SHORT WRAPPED

Stew & Punch, the story of a housewarming dinner party gone awry, finished shooting two days ago. Despite being one of my shorter shooting schedules it is likely to be my longest short, and all that I have the energy to say at this time is an enormous THANK YOU to an outstanding cast and crew. Each and every one of the talented buggers really went the whole nine yards and never seemed to start flagging despite having to live on top of one another for the duration. I'm sure I will find better ways of gushing about them all as my head readjusts to the world outside but for now this is the best I can do.

23-09-12 / ENCOUNTERS FILM FESTIVAL

The sun shone on Encounters Film Festival in Bristol this year, only to vanish abruptly as soon as the celebrations were over. The winning films were excellent choices by both the international and animation juries, and it was particularly gratifying to see Gunhild Enger's Premature (Norway) take its rightful Grand Prix after being robbed at Hamburg in June. Manuel Schapira's excellent Les Meutes (The Hounds) (France), Ross McDonnell's Remember Me My Ghost (Ireland) and Rafael Balulu's Eynayim Kaele (Such Eyes) (Israel) were just a few of the highlights for me out of a strong and eclectic programme. Other gems I've mentioned in previous posts were Till Nowak's The Centrifuge Brain Project (Germany), Julia Ducournau's Junior (France), and Emma de Swaef & Marc James Roel's Oh Willy (Belgium). It's a shame that fully unwinding was so difficult with an imminent shoot to ponder - a bummer when Encounters gets stronger every year and there was so much to see (or in this case miss).

A very special event was the live soundtrack performed for 1924 silent film Aelita: The Queen of Mars by cross-dressing Finnish performers Cleaning Women. They famously play self-made instruments adapted from recycled material and although I'd seen them perform some years ago in Finland I hadn't heard of the film at all. Pre-dating even Metropolis, its pioneering influence can't be underestimated. The production design and wardrobe of Mike Hodges' Flash Gordon, for one, owes it an enormous doff of the hat. Easily the most rousing live soundtrack event I've attended, check more information and see an extract here.

17-09-12 / INCUBATE FESTIVAL

Quite a long write-up this; an appropriately tall report from the land of giants (that's the Netherlands to you) for Incubate 2012. Tilburg is a tiny town with a massive annual roster of music, art, film and theatre. On the Friday flight out I had this itching hope that the bright sunshine might mean a cheeky burst of summer for the weekend. Of course, I knew full well that being above the clouds was cheating (Mama didn't raise no fool) but a yawn-off four hour journey to England's most pain-in-the-arse airport for a measly forty minute flight had me in hopeful spirits. Then, descending through the clouds, it was like somebody switched the lights off. We landed and I experienced a whole new kind of grey. I mean, I live in England so I know grey very well; grey and I are bedfellows, but this was wholly without cheer. A bit like arriving into Manchester by train from the south, but multiplied by ten. I grabbed some money from the grey cash machine and exited the grey sliding door of the terminal to get a bus ticket (which was white!) from a grey machine, then I boarded a grey bus, which was even greyer on the inside, and I couldn't help noticing that almost all of the vehicles in the adjacent car park were grey.

An hour later I checked into the hotel and mooched through the festival timetable to see how many acts could be squeezed in, then scooted straight out for some swift, pre-music munch. Stopping at the first place I passed, and for reasons I can't explain, I bought a considerable plate of weird kebab contents. A whole half of said plate was taken up by a pile of tangled meat that looked a bit like bloated worms or shorn dreadlocks. Without finishing it I whizzed off to a small venue to catch experimental rap-nut Busdriver, and was bloody delighted to find that this dark little venue served Westmalle Tripel on draught (boom!). I swiped a glass of it and parked in a shadow while Busdriver was still setting up, then a bunch of his plugs caught fire and produced the most unexpected sound, like the farty rasp you get when you let go of an inflated-but-unknotted balloon. By the time the gig started thirty minutes later, the Westmalle and meaty dreadworms started having an argument in my stomach. I knew they were having a row because they were threatening to go their separate ways, so I left Busdriver to it and opted for a fresh-air stroll to the next act. Jenny Hval is described in the festival programme as a 'Norwegian multidisciplinary artist', which is a bit of a guffy statement to be fair, but she was great. Quite hypnotised, I was. Going from the rough-and-ready Busdriver experience to the sublime Jenny Hval was akin to falling through a tree of thorns and landing in a massive, warm jacket potato. Kebabgate was a distant memory. Then for another insane tangent I moved on to Anthony Rother, mostly out of nostalgic curiosity. For me, alongside the likes of Aux 88 and Dynamix II, Rother was one of the few who kept the faith in proper electro when there wasn't much new stuff being produced. Fifteen years on from Sex with the Machines, this was the first time I'd seen Rother in the flesh and from a distance it seemed like the Danish actor Kim Bodnia from the first Pusher film had took to the stage. I half expected him to whip out a couple of pistols and frighten everybody.

On Saturday I was talking on a seminar panel and spent the afternoon redrafting the short script for Stew & Punch, which we shoot in a couple of weeks (yikes). With a brainful of yet-to-be-resolved production worries I sought a superior kebab before getting myself all impressed by Yann Tiersen, whose consistently fantastic set was iced with a dazzling violin solo. Then, really showing off, he pulled out a Mandolin and I wondered if maybe he was about to start yodelling or play Balalaika with his feet. Mogwai had their work cut out following his show but they bumraped everyone's ears, regardless.

Sunday was mostly spent watching shorts and I did a little Q&A for Binaural Swimming (Beach) as part of a special 'music in film' programme organised by the ace Dutch festival GoShort. They even had a bunch of wireless headphones for people to fully experience the binaural audio but unfortunately the left and right channels were the wrong way around and the headphones weren't loud enough to drown out the main theatre speakers, so the effect was somewhat compromised. Still, it was good of the GoShort team to make the effort with headphones in the first place, and after a brief Q&A I got to go and see Laibach perform so I can't complain. As a big enthusiast of most bands on Mute Records in my 'alternative teenager' years (particularly its Industrial/Electronic quota), the chance to check Liaibach's legendary theatrical fascism was something of a box ticked. The sheer BOOM of Tanz Mit Mir performed live was quite the experience.

Finally, Buzzcocks closed the festival with such volume that my ears are still howling eighteen hours later. Then Monday morning brought some bum luck. I'd been advised to leave on the 6.30 train in order to get to the airport two hours before departure, but let's face it, only MASSIVE SQUARES do the two-hour thing and I opted to leave a bit later. I was the first person downstairs for breakfast, which was supposed to start at 6.30, and was joined shortly after by a couple of other loners. We probably all had early flights - why else would you be first to breakfast - so we sat dotted around at our respective tables while the world's most laid back chef got his arse into gear. Said chef then served up four paltry eggs and, being closer to the counter than me, the other two buggers took two each. With no other hot food to choose from and the chef having gone to meditate or something, I sulked through a piece of bread and tried my hardest to put a hex on the egg thieves, who by now were already making their satisfied, burpy exits. I checked out at 6.50 and started walking to the station, passing thief #2 en route. For some reason, I stopped to photograph an endless sea of parked bicycles while two thoughts simultaneously sprang to mind - that this brief pause could make me miss my train, and that it was a shit photograph anyway. The egg robber overtook me and spurred me into action - no way was he going to get the eggs and the train while I missed the lot. I zipped into the station and saw him stop outside the closed ticket office, crestfallen (in my mind), and relished this moment of karmic fate. That'll teach him not to snatch the last two eggs when he's not the only eggless soul in the room! For this brief moment, victory was mine as I imagined him missing his train, then his flight, then puking his eggs up at the departure gate while trying to catch his breath and being charged for a whole new flight by Ryanair. But then karma played a double-whammy and decided to kick my Schadenfreude in the nuts. On the escalator up to the platform I heard the ominous THUNK of too-many train doors closing at once, followed by the BEEEEEP of imminent departure. I stepped on to the platform to see the train cackle off down the track, missing it by, oooh, let's say half the amount of time it took to stop and take a pointless picture of bicycles.

I was writing this on the train home from the airport and realised that it would have made a more colourful story had I actually missed the flight, which I caught by the skin of my teeth, curiously lamenting how all the fannying around amounted to an eventless ending. Then fate stepped in again when I got off to change trains and left my bloody suitcase on board, bound for Birmingham.

01-09-12 / WRITING-WRITING-WRITING / BRAIN SOUP / INTERVIEW

It's been two months! Oh, the stagnation! Shocking. That's how much Cannes affected me. No, I've been in development for a proposed new feature project and writing pretty much non-stop. Any free time has been spent drinking ale. Being as I'm the superstitious type who doesn't like to jinx things by giving too much away, there is nothing to report on that front. Boooooooooooring. I could talk about the most helpful combination of different coloured highlighters or the thrill of white push-pins though. It has all turned my brain into soup, but in a satisfying way. Ah yes, shooting an ambitious new short film is imminent, but as it's all been negotiated throughout the brainsoupery I haven't been able to give it any headspace until now (I'm really struggling to get back into a groove here, nnnnnngghhh, I had no idea until I started writing this). In other news, I did a brand spanking new interview for Lights Film School, which went live today.

26-06-12 / CANNES LIONS JURY

The Cannes Lions. It probably isn't fair to judge a town by the foul excesses of its annual festivals. Dominated by an eerie balance of the powerful and needy, the aggressive display of decadence in the face of simultaneous global recession is sinister and downright discomfiting. There just isn't enough room on the internet to try and explain everything that is so wrong, but who cares anyway, right? Clearly, the show must go on, no matter the outrageous cost. It's a creepy place, plain and simple. Just not my world.

I was on the Film Craft jury and therefore spent the majority of my time in a darkened room watching exactly 1349 commercials. Our way-too-heavy schedule meant anything from 12-15 hour days, which in itself is bad enough but when you consider such hours with a minimum of food it's easy to appreciate how a less patient group of people might have tore each other apart. What I personally found most difficult was being completely out of sync with the outside world by the time a day was over, surrounded by too many people who had already spent their day getting utterly shitfaced. The pressure to catch up, in order to wind down and eventually sleep, was dreadful.

On reflection, it amazes me that the jury held it together, which is testament to how cool they are (not to mention poor Lisa who had to babysit us the entire way). I only have to think back to some of the other juries I have been on (film, not advertising) to know how punishing the Cannes schedule was, and yet nobody walked away, nobody irreversibly offended another, and they still found the energy to sing Happy Birthday to me (twice) early on the final morning. As for the work, we awarded the Grand Prix to one of the few commercials I had already seen before attending (above). Simply a masterpiece on every level. Go here for another little gem.

11-06-12 / HAMBURG SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Another year, another Hamburg Short Film Festival, and what a pleasure it was. Seeing the trailer I somehow managed to shoot (two posts below) blown up to beautiful 35mm film and booming out loud in the main THX-equipped theatre was thoroughly gratifying. This was the final year of 35mm exhibition for the festival trailer as they go digital from 2013. A real treat to do before it all goes the way of the pixel.

The two pictures above show it screening in Zeise and Metropolis cinemas. Many thanks to festival photographer Xenia Zarafu for the shots. I was very touched to be presented with a 35mm print of the trailer during the awards ceremony, along with a 'lifetime accreditation' pass to the festival's legendary 35ml bar, hehe. And here's something quite brilliant - the release of Short Film Top Trumps (!), which includes Soft as a contender alongside 30+ short film classics. I have already played it a few times and have been happy to lose to my own film on several occasions. We aren't talking about some rinky-dink home-printed cards here either - these are the real deal, produced by Weltquartett (check out the media controversy from last year regarding their Adolf Hitler card).

Despite the surprising choices made by the international jury there were some strong and extremely varied films on show, including Gunhild Enger's Premature (Norway, and my overall favourite), Emma De Swaef and Marc James Roels' Oh Willy (Belgium), Semiconductor's 20hz (UK), Julia Ducournau's Junior (France), Rafael Urban's Dinosaur Eggs in the Living Room (Brazil), Phil Collins' The Meaning of Style (Malaysia), and Till Nowak's excellent The Centrifuge Brain Project (Germany), which was the obvious (and deserved) choice for the audience award before it was even accepted into competition. Outside of the competition it was fantastic to see Jay Rosenblatt's excellent The Smell of Burning Ants, which I hadn't seen since my first film festival back in 1996.

09-05-12 / HONDA VERSUS THE PETEBOX

Oh, here's one other little thing I did for The Petebox which I had forgotten about until now - a little film commissioned by Honda that shows the recording process for his soundtrack to their new TV commercial:

And the commercial itself can be viewed here.

25-04-12 / TRAILER FOR 2012 HAMBURG INTERNATIONAL SHORT FILM FESTIVAL

Just to prove I haven't only been doing work with a certain beatboxer recently, the trailer I've been banging on about for months that I made for Hamburg International Short Film Festival, the one with the balloons, the one that buggered the camera (grrrr), is complete and went live today:

15-04-12 / 'FUTURE LOOPS' SCREENING

The screening at Nottingham Contemporary was a blast. It would have been nice to have been able to forget the imminent deadline of the Hamburg Filmfestival trailer and actually relax, but with the screening's oversubscription and emergency extra seating it couldn't have gone better, whoooooP.

11-04-12 / FINAL PETEBOX VIDEO IN SERIES

Here is a little eye and ear parcel for you. Just gone live. Just now. Just then.

09-04-12 / EXCLUSIVE PETEBOX ALBUM VIDEO SCREENING

Git yo bony ass down to Nottingham Contemporary THIS FRIDAY evening for an exclusive premiere screening of my entire video series for the Future Loops album by The Petebox. Yes you might have seen them on YouTube but these are in full HD on the big screen, plus additional documentary material. Click here for further details, and here for a radio interview with Peter and myself about the overall concept.

02-04-12 / COMMERCIAL / HAMBURG-BERLIN-HAMBURG / THE PETEBOX

Maaaaan, loads has happened in the last month. I finally finished the last of the The Petebox series, did a commercial I'm not allowed to talk about (seriously, non-disclosure agreements, the whole nine yards), then went to Hamburg/Berlin/Hamburg for more fun (?!?) filming from balloons. The Berlin part was a brief but thoroughly enjoyable pleasure-pause as Swimming happened to be on the German stint of their European tour. A few hours on the autobahn, attaching myself to their van like a mossy limpet, and it was back to the 'burg for work-work-work.

Children and animals I can work with, no problem, bring 'em on, but balloons... pfuh. It's with great relief that I'm no longer at the mercy of the daily wind forecast and its constant indecision, like suddenly changing the optimum shooting period from a comfortable midday session to six o'clock in the bleddy morning. On one occasion the rig got stuck in a tree above a main road for thirty-five minutes and wouldn't have been retrieved were it not for the kindly Mrs Nowak who allowed me up onto her balcony with a makeshift lasso. Another incident irreparably scratched the lens of the GoPro camera when it skidded across an nosey rooftop, which would have been easily avoidable had I spent thirty seconds attaching a bit of makeshift padding. Most frustrating of all is that it happened during one of the first shots, so there is now an extra load of post-production tomfoolery involved as I try to fix the images. I'd rather not reveal any teaser images until the trailer goes live in one month's time. Instead, here's a curious little Hamburg diptych:

So, after a whole year of on-off work for The Petebox, the ninth and final video of the Future Loops album series was filmed, edited, and finally ejected from my suite with the precision of a finely-honed SAS mission (compared with the post-production trauma of some of the previous eight, at least). There were literally two hours to sleep between finishing it all and leaving for the mystery commercial shoot in London. The eighth, penultimate video, which I posted after the September shoot as being "a truly batnuts track" is now live:

02-03-12 / LATEST PETEBOX

The latest video for The Petebox, filmed right here at bubtowers, is proving to be popular. This is really quite gratifying because it was the hardest one of them all, for reasons that would be waaaaaaaaay to boring to explain:

17-02-12 / VON BERLIN NACH HAMBURG: IMPRESSIONS

Presenting my retrospective in a delightful venue while Whitney Houston climbed into her final bath. Fun squeezing as many faces as possible into a Fotoautomat. David bloody Beckham in his undercrackers, on every bloody ecke, soon removing his skin to model internal organs if the price is right. A bad, full club, full of bad music. Zig-zags in the snow. The photography of Miron Zownir. Rejecting a plea from a woman claiming to be the victim of a chemical attack, then feeling bad, then feeling better, still wondering if she was fibbing, still not knowing. A highly intrusive playlist of gash nineties euro-pop in a tourist restaurant near Alexanderplatz. A gay man sitting cross-legged in his seat, shoulder-dancing to said euro-pop while forking his rice. A seven-times distilled vodka called Pyromaniac. A drunk Russian falling over in a bar and being laughed at by two tiny dogs. The stress of deadlines. The smell of coffee.

An archetypal Italian moment in a Berlin cafe. An archetypal German moment at a Hamburg konzert. The eerie, spectral bleat of distant foghorns on Hamburg's winter ports (a favourite sound). Business as usual for boats on the Elbe, despite it being a river of ice. The obligatory chuckle from the Turkish owner of my regular imbiss when ordering currywurst. Rising at six to try shooting footage from balloons, the wind blowing too hard, almost losing the camera across rooftops. Walking the streets with heart-shaped balloons, unrelated to Valentine's day, on Valentine's day, like a Valentine's plum. Being mobbed by balloon-loving school children.

In less whimsical summary, the Berlin Directors Lounge was lovely and it was touching that an unexpected gang of Hamburgers showed up (friends from Hamburg, not Big Macs and Whoppers), not to mention a couple of faces from Nottingham who are now based in Berlin. All of my films were screened from MP4 files and the projection was the best I'd seen for quite a few of my older, low resolution films. Considering how much easier it is to make an MP4 file than pay for a costly dub to a high quality tape, this is definite progress which I hope more festivals will take on board. In addition to the main screening, Binaural Swimming (Beach) screened in a cosy basement room, complete with a sofa, heater, and headphones for the intended binaural experience. Further reports about what I was getting up to in Hamburg with balloons can be expected when I finally beat the wind and get everything I need.

08-02-12 / RETROSPECTIVE IN BERLIN

This coming Saturday, the 8th Berlin International Directors Lounge will feature a two-part retrospective of my films, split into drama-based and music-based work. The music section will feature two world premieres: my new music video for Swimming's Mining for Diamonds, and the documentary Binaural Swimming (Beach), which will also be screening in a bespoke cellar space with headphones for the complete binaural experience.

04-02-12 / TAMPERE FILM FESTIVAL / CLERMONT FERRAND / PANTHER DANCE

Jam Today has just been selected for competition at the excellent Tampere Film Festival in Finland.

Just back from the massive, snowy festival that is Clermont Ferrand. I gave up feeling guilty about missing screenings after the first two days because it just isn't possible to do anything but scratch the surface of the vast schedule of programmes. Trying to catch up with so many of the other attendees doesn't help matters when just about everyone you've ever met at any other festival is there. Despite Jam Today screening every day I only managed to dash into one showing and dash out again.

Highlights of the very few films I did manage to see were Robert Morgan's Bobby Yeah (UK), Grzegorz Jaroszuk's Opowiesci Z Chlodini (Frozen Stories) (Poland), and Philipp Kaessbohrer's Armadingen (Germany), all of which were comedic. Lowlights were the filmmaker staying in the next room, who appeared to be addicted to watching noisy films with either cowboys, kung-fu or explosions in the early hours of every morning.

My latest video in The Petebox series, Panther Dance, is now online (see below). This one is particularly special as it has always been my favourite of his tracks and is the reason we became acquainted all those summers ago. I always intended to film a promo for it and had an exciting idea but never found the time, so filming this went some way to make up for the project that never was.

26-01-12 / NEW INTERVIEW

Nip on over to the Write Shoot Cut site to find out what side of the bed I've been getting out of recently, plus plenty of other informative articles, videos and interviews with a whole host of talented film folk.

16-01-12 / 'SOFT' FACEBOOK PAGE

Soft now has a Facebook page, including (so far) a bunch of previously unseen production stills. There is a good reason for this, which shall be revealed at a slightly later date, but in the meantime please pass the link around to as many people as possible!

11-01-12 / 'WHO KILLED DEON' MOST AWARDED TV CAMPAIGN IN THE WORLD

Who Killed Deon was 2011's 'Most awarded TV campaign in the world' and also ranked 7th in the 'Top 25 campaigns across all media'. Heck.

04-01-12 / SHOTS MAGAZINE COVER & PROFILE

Well this can't be bad. A big profile in Shots magazine and the front cover of both the magazine itself and its accompanying DVD. Being the weighty, glossy publication that it is, it costs a whopping three-figure sum to buy, but you can see a scan of the interview here.

21-12-11 / THE PETEBOX 'FUTURE LOOPS' ALBUM & VIDEOS LAUNCH

Here are the first in a series of promos I did for The Petebox. Starting today there will be a new promo every two weeks, one for every track off his debut album Future Loops. I must be mental...

20-12-11 / 'SOFT' ON NEW DVD COMPILATION

Following on from Soft's recent popularity on Vimeo (thanks to the Vimeo staff who featured it on the homepage), it has now been included on the new Wholpin DVD magazine. Mine arrived in the post this morning and it seems to be a right fancy little package, featuring an all-in-one gatefold DVD sleeve/booklet with eleven short films and interviews with the directors. I can't speak for any of the titles yet but I shall have to watch it over the festive period and report back with more reasons to buy one. In the meantime, Merry Christmas y'all.

12-12-11 / NEW AWARD FOR 'JAM TODAY' / CLERMONT-FERRAND / LEUVEN

Lots of good news at once, whoooop! Jam Today just won the Ron Holloway award at Tirana International Film Festival in Albania. It is an award in memory of the late critic and film historian who attended the festival a number of times, and the blurb is that the award is for a director who "continues shooting short films without falling into commercialism, always supporting innovation and originality". That is really quite lovely.

Jam has also just been selected for competition at Clermont-Ferrand in France, the biggest of the big and a huge honour. I could have fallen off my chair when I received the incoming email entitled Selection Result and said to myself "Oh yeah, here we go again...".

And I keep forgetting to mention that last month Soft screened in Baghdad, of all places. Iraq Short Film Festival, don't you know...

Leuven Short Film Festival in Belgium was great. What nice people, nice food, nice beer... It was a shame my attendance was only for two days and I got my screening date wrong, arriving one day after. It was the first time Jam Today had screened with new English subtitles, after many reports of the dialogue being difficult to understand for international audiences. I would have been interested to see if it made any notable difference, alas, perhaps another time. Apart from the Westmalle Tripel beer (and new discovery Orval), my main reason for attending was to catch Nicolas Provost's retrospective and finally see the missing titles I had previously only read about. Excellent.L

08-12-11 / 'CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING' RELAUNCHED !?!

I'm not quite sure who the Metropolitan Police are trying to kid when the Choose a Different Ending campaign was so successful two years ago, but they have just relaunched it again with the bizarre claim that it is new.

24-11-11 / 'JAM TODAY' WINS AT ENCOUNTERS!

Late reporting this but Jam Today just won Best British Film at Encounters International Film Festival in Bristol on Saturday. So soon after the award in Brest, absolutely amazing. I got the call just as a massive German sausage was put down in front of me in Berlin, so as far as moments go, that was a pretty perfect one. Unfortunately I left Encounters for Germany the day before the awards, so I missed the celebrations.

The best thing ever happened in Bristol. One of my genuine heroes, John Kricfalusi (creator of The Ren & Stimpy Show), drew my caricature. It's a bit of a rude one though and probably not appropriate to put up here.

15-11-11 / 'JAM TODAY' WINS IN FRANCE / 'WHO KILLED DEON' WINS FIVE AWARDS

I am very proud to say that young Oliver Woollford scooped the Best Actor gong for his performance in Jam Today at Brest European Short Film Festival in France.

After the nightmare I had failing to make it to this particular festival last year (see the entry dated 11-11-10) I was determined to attend this time and I'm so glad I did. The first thing that really struck me was the sheer size of the theatre, not to mention how full it was, and then I noticed how young a lot of the audience were, which is really encouraging for short film in general. It's not just Hollywood for these teenagers. The audiences clapped along to the festival trailer and went wild when it ended on the festival logo, and all in all there was much enthusiasm and good cheer. I've never seen a jury having such a good laugh together. Here is a pic of me with festival programmer and super-nice-fella Massimiliano Nardulli (in the middle) and David Procter (Director of Photography on Jam Today).

Brest itself seems quite mad, with drunken punch-ups occuring nightly in the street, so when somebody told me that this is the part of Brittany on which Asterix was based it all made perfect sense. There were no jowly faces with oversized moustaches but there was plenty of Pif! Poff! T-chac! going on (the noises of a typical Asterix brawl). One small village of indomitable Gauls still holds out against the Romans... hehe.

Of the films I did see, favourites were Jeroen Annokkee's Sugar (Netherlands), Anca Miruna Lazarescu's Silent River (Romania - liked it even better this time around), Magnus Arnesen's Sing Me to Sleep (Poland), and for sheer nutsness - Sylvia Guillet's downright odd Le Vivier (France).

In different news, Who Killed Deon won five more awards, including the GRAND PRIX (wooop) at the 2011 BIMAS, plus two Golds and a Silver at the 2011 London International Awards.

27-10-11 / MORE AWARDS FOR 'WHO KILLED DEON'

Who Killed Deon won a gold and three silvers at the 2011 Campaign BIG Awards last night.

24-10-11 / AWARDS FOR 'WHO KILLED DEON'

Just found out that Who Killed Deon won two silvers at the Kinsale Sharks advertising awards in Ireland.

17-10-11 / NEW BINAURAL DOCUMENTARY

To mark today's release of Swimming's smashing new single Neutron Wireless Crystal, here is a second binaural film documenting the specially recorded version of it, which we shot in Easter. It also features the excellent Mining for Diamonds (the flip side of the new single) plus a host of other Swimming tracks. If you enjoyed the first binaural film then you should definitely check this out.

11-10-11 / RESPECT TO ANDY SESTON

Today we say goodbye to Andy Seston, the ever-cheeky make-up and special effects artist, and a giant amongst men. Cruelly stolen from us by cancer at the age of thirty-four, he is simply one of the most warm spirited human beings I have ever known. A truly calming presence with a big heart and an enviable sense of humour, it is with much regret that I shall never have the pleasure of working with him again. While it is always a cliche to speak in such terms when remembering the deceased, anyone who is lucky enough to have known Andy will know these words are far from empty. You won't be forgotten mate x

25-09-11 / ANOTHER PETEBOX SHOOT

Number eight of nine done and dusted. Well, far from dusted, but, err, done. Shot. Look, I'm tired, okay? The usual thanks go out to Graeme Crowley (for the camera), Graham Forde (for the loupe), Al Clark (for the gels), and John Sampson (for being the bat in the belfry). Oh and Peter, for a truly batnuts track.

My GoPro camera has been dispatched from the States and I'm champing at the bit. I can't wait to have a blast on it, it's like Christmas is coming.

21-09-11 / MILAN FILM FESTIVAL & OTHER STUFF

Well, it's HIGH time for an update. I've been working on a significant series of videos for The Petebox, which will be announced in due course, and also directing a new commercial.

I also just returned from Milano Film Festival, where Jam Today was in competition. It was my fourth visit to this festival, and judging by the amount of people flocking to the screenings it is really starting to outgrow itself, in a brilliant way. I stepped off the plane at 10pm into 27 degree loveliness and immediately felt like I was on holiday. The outdoor screen in the park (below) was bigger than ever and I was very much looking forward to screening there...

... but, as noted in my 22-09-09 entry, the festival has a habit of attracting thunderstorms as the boil of summer starts fighting with the promise of autumn. Unfortunately for me, the lightning started zapping two hours before my scheduled screening, the heavens opened and started weeing over everything, and the screening was cancelled. Bummer. Rain conspired against us during the film's production and it obviously still hasn't finished putting the boot in. As gutting as it was though, the festival had too good an atmosphere to dwell on the disappointment. As small consolation, the film did screen the following day in a fantastic indoor venue (below), albeit in the middle of a 'short film marathon' which saw me half-asleep and somewhat confused by the time I got up for the Q&A, two and a half hours in.

In other news, I'm all set on the concept for Hamburg Short Film Festival's 2012 trailer and will be going over there to shoot it very soon. It's a pretty exciting idea and I can't wait to get stuck in.

28-07-11 / ARCHIVING CONTINUES WITH 'CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING'

As part of my ongoing and masochistic mission to remaster and archive my catalogue, just in case I fall into a big hole any time soon, I have finally cut my own version of a promo for Choose a Different Ending. Although it's only for showreel purposes I thought it worth putting up here. I'd wanted to do this a long time ago but the need to re-encode gazillions of files from Mac to PC format, plus working on new projects, prevented it from happening.

01-07-11 / A STORM AND SOME SNOW

A little film I made in 2006 called A Storm and Some Snow, which is quite mad, gets its online debut. Be sure to watch it in the dark though or you won't see much.

It was shot with a basic single-chip MiniDV camera, which was the only camera to hand at the time. A better camera probably would have been struck anyway.

The "HD" option is simply out of frustration with repeated SD uploads displaying even more ghastly compression in the sky, so depsite the low shooting resolution, please be sure to switch "HD" on (and avoid watching it in a bright room).

27-06-11 / AWARDS FOR 'WHO KILLED DEON'

Who Killed Deon just won a gold at the Clio awards and silver and bronze lions at Cannes.

16-06-11 / 'JAM TODAY' AT PALM SPRINGS / HAMBURG NEWS

Jam Today will receive its US premiere at the prestigious Palm Springs Shortfest on Friday 24th June at 13:30.

Hamburg Short Film Festival was brilliant as ever, and those who pulled out for fear of E.Coli really missed a treat. With sunshine and friends old and new, for me it was like a big birthday-holiday with the best people ever. I spent hours today fannying around trying to get a picture gallery to work but failed miserably. Jam Today enjoyed its first public screening (for me) and I came over all funny in the second Q&A. Of the other films, I have to mention Nicolas Provost's Stardust (Belgium). I'd been fortunate to see this prior to the festival but it was something else on the big screen. For my money he is one of the most interesting experimental filmmakers out there, doing something fresh in the company of impregnable, repetitive indulgences that seem incredibly dated these days and don't actually experiment much.

I'm honoured and somewhat terrified that the festival have asked me to make the trailer for next year's edition. Having attended for the last ten years I have seen many previous versions and, whether the audiences love or hate them, they always have an opinion because they are screened so many times each day. It's more unnerving than screening a film but I'll be damned if I'm going to bottle out. Unless I do of course, in which case I'll just come back and delete this paragraph and it'll be your word against mine. Trailer? What trailer? Nah, I think you're confusing me with someone else, pal.

06-06-11 / DEFINITIVE VERSION OF LAST YEAR'S BINAURAL DOCUMENTARY

I'm more than a little bit relieved that the definitive remaster of the scruffy little documentary I shot for Swimming four days before Christmas in 2009 is finally done, in its original 4:3 format. It has been a long time coming, for reasons too tediously technical to list. This was one of those films that just sort of happened and became something quite special, to some extent because of the ludicrous weather. It's fair to say that in such conditions I wouldn't have dared shoot some of the footage on a camera of higher quality, and the lo-fi DV aesthetic complements the snowed-off-and-stripped-down nature of the band's performance just nicely.

Swimming's description of the binaural process: "These recordings are about experiencing a one-off, live version of the music in a totally unique way… with binaural artist Dallas Simpson being the ‘vessel’ for bringing the music to your ears.

"Recorded using tiny microphones worn in Simpson’s ears to capture the sound exactly as he is hearing it, certain songs lend themselves to different spaces in order to be stripped right back for a rudimentary performance.

"When you listen back on headphones, then it’s you who hears the music in the same way, like you were actually there in the environment. The sound of the instruments, voices and the ambience of the location are all captured in 3D surround sound so you’re sonically transported to that time and place each time you listen to the track".

01-06-11 / 'JAM TODAY' AT RUSHES SOHO SHORTS

Jam Today will be screening at Rushes Soho Shorts in London on Friday 22nd and Wednesday 27th July, in the 'long form' competition, while today I'm having a second attempt at shooting a new Petebox vid which was rained off last week.

27-05-11 / PODCAST

Recorded a podcast about Jam Today for the CFC Worldwide Short Film Festival in Toronto, featured here.

24-05-11 / SWIMMING - 'MINING FOR DIAMONDS' BINAURAL RECORDING

And here's the first of the two performances (actually the second, and so NOT the one featured in the trailer - the first one will be next). The man kneeling in front of the band is Dallas Simpson, a binaural sound recordist who has a teeny-tiny microphone inserted into each ear. The idea is that when you listen through headphones you hear it exactly as he did, though there is such little movement in this one that you can enjoy it straight up, without having to wear cans.

16-05-11 / SWIMMING TRAILER

Here's a trailer for the Northumberland binaural shoot a few weeks ago. I left my Nikon shooting this while filming the main promo, simply relocating the tripod every half-hour or so. The beach performance will be available soon, as a partner piece to an additional, all-acoustic song in the sand dunes.

11-05-11 / 'JAM TODAY' WORLD PREMIERE

Jam Today will have its world premiere in Toronto at the Worldwide Short Film Festival on June 2nd and 4th, followed by its European premiere at Hamburg International Short Film Festival on June 8th and 11th. Big cheers to Graeme Crowley for the poster design.

26-04-11 / A NEW SWIMMING BINAURAL SHOOT

Spent the Easter weekend in Northumberland shooting a binaural recording session for Swimming's next single. A far cry from the deep snow of the Kielder session, this time we had brilliant sunshine to contend with on the beaches of Bamburgh Castle. Such weather is far and away my least favourite conditions for filming and so, from a shooting perspective, it was definitely more challenging than the last one. A battery crisis and the want of a simple reflector didn't help matters, but a great time was had by all.

19-04-11 / ANOTHER PETEBOX SHOOT

A good weekend shooting more promos for The Petebox. Big massive thanks to all who helped out on this one: Graeme Crowley for the camera, Karl Wilby for building me a bespoke shoulder rig, Graham Forde for the viewfinder, Mary Kearns at Spool for the lights, Owen at Broadway for the emergency bulb replacement, Matt Taylor, Tom Walsh and Henry Parkinson for assisting on set, and of course Pete Fletcher for the use of Nottingham's First Love studio. Good fellas, good vibes, lots of coffee, pot noodles, weird haslet sandwiches, and a big yellow moon which Henry noted looked like a big crisp. I liked that.

16-04-11 / 'SOFT' TRAILERS ?!?

A handful of unofficial trailers for Soft have popped up on YouTube and from what I can glean they are the result of some kind of media course assignment. I don't know how many are out there but I found one, two, three, four of them. Nuts.

02-04-11 / INCREDIBLE SATELLITE IMAGES OF JAPAN

In case you haven't seen these images already then I urge you to spend some time checking out this link. Drag the slider in the middle of each image to reveal (or hide) the effects of tsunami damage. These pictures really capture the scale of the devastation..

01-04-11 / BUB'S NEW CLOTHES / SHORT FILM COMPETITION / VIRAL NUTSNESS

So Bubtowers is taking its first tentative step towards a more streamlined experience, rocking some new clobber and finally including video content. Not a bad idea for a filmmaker. Films are slowly but surely appearing through their respective pages in the films section, and a preview of the new short Jam Today is on its brand spanking new page.

Anyone interested in making a short film and looking for some moolah should click on the image below. I am honoured to be involved in the selection process and hope to see entries pouring in, so get your creative juices on the hob and send send send...

In a matter of days, the Petebox video (below) has become an instant YouTube smash, clocking up 350,000 views at the time of writing. Its rapid viral spread has seen it featured on countless blogs and The Pixies have even posted it on their own website, so that's vindication alright.

27-03-11 / PETEBOX COVERS THE PIXIES

The first of The Petebox loop pedal sessions I filmed last month...

17-03-11 / FOUR MORE FOR 'WHO KILLED DEON'

Who Killed Deon won four silver arrows at last night's BTAA awards in the categories of Public Service Advertising, Cinema Advertising, Best Cinema Commercial over 90 seconds and Direct Response.

14-03-11 / BIG LOVE TO JAPAN

Still having trouble getting my head around what is occuring in Japan. It's some kind of relief that friends and their families I have there are okay. No less thumped by the devastation, and in anticipation of a positive reply from a couple of people who have yet to respond, here's hoping the worst is over. Love to you all.

08-03-11 / 'WHO KILLED DEON' WINS FOUR AWARDS

Who Killed Deon just bagged four silvers at this year's Creative Circle advertising awards in the categories of Best Direction, Best Editing, Best Cinema Commercial and Best Public Service Commercial.

18-02-11 / SWIMMING VIDEO NME EXCLUSIVE

My once-lost promo for Sun in the Island by Swimming is now online as an NME exclusive for a few days before going out everywhere else.

13-02-11 / THE P-P-P-P-P-P-P-PETEBOX AND SOME STRING

A satisfyingly productive weekend. My extremely talented beatboxing friend Peter Sampson, better known as The Petebox, boomed and clicked his way to bubtowers for a spot of long-overdue collaboration. We filmed some of his typically barmy/brilliant live loop-pedal performances and my equally long-overdue first use of Canon's game-changing 5D camera proved to be interesting. Nice one Simon, only took you three years. The camera (big cheers to Graeme Crowley for the loan!) had none of the optional accessories that make it easier to operate, like a separate screen, support rails, or follow focus. Shooting in long, unbroken takes was a must to give a flavour of the process behind such a multi-layered performance, and it's a shocker how heavy such a little camera can become after roaming with it for four minutes at a time, often at an extended arm's length.

Being limited to the on-board LCD screen, which obviously doesn't flip or move in any way, meant I could never move the camera very far from my face. I was also shooting at the most shallow depth of field I could muster, so having to manually ride the focus directly from the lens with a hand that should have been supporting the camera became something of a trial by fire. A cheeky length of string attached to a disconnected light fixture on the ceiling worked wonders when I started to think I wasn't going to pull it off. Made me feel right proud, that. So, to quote James Mason in Spring and port Wine, "You never know when you'll need a piece of string...". Peter will release the finished clips at monthly intervals, starting as soon I have found time to grade them.

03-02-11 / FINALLY, THE SWIMMING DOCUMENTARY FROM DECEMBER 2009

Here is a short documentary to accompany the upcoming release of Sun in the Island by Swimming. It was one of those occasions where I wished I'd taken a better camera, but we didn't expect quite so much snow and I probably wouldn't have been as trigger-happy with anything more than the old DV handycam I was carrying. In any case, the abandonment of technology is appropriate to the piece, as you will see. The official video to the very different rock/pop version of the song is almost done (for a second time, grrr) and even daytime Radio 1 have been playing it.

30-01-11 / NEW SHORT 'JAM TODAY' FINISHED

OK, so the most anxiety-riddled part of the post-production process, the sound mix, is over. Despite having the good fortune to work with excellent engineers, and this time was no exception, there is little anyone can do to alleviate the deep-rooted sense of dread I feel during a mix. The trouble is almost always the same. I do so much detailed design in my picture edit that the inevitable disruptions which occur when subsequently mixing/mastering the audio cause me to feel an immense loss of control. It is comparable to the days before desktop editing, struggling to keep hold of creativity, sprinting to the finish while the clock is ticking in a hired facility. It is also control freakery, as understandable as it is utterly unreasonable. My 'dog-hearing' doesn't help matters, being thrown so completely by a tiny click here or an unfamiliar rustle there.

The mix is also the moment of truth, when you are closing the chapter and putting the film out for the world to see (hear). On this particular film, mysterious, still-unexplained technical issues massively multiplied the work required by angels at 750MPH before dubbing mixer Ben G was even able to begin work. Given that these delays meant I only managed a total of nine hours attending personally (which included recording final snippets of ADR by the actors), I am lucky to have a mix at all. Ben G, a soldier who also mixed the knife crime campaigns, really hung in there when time was laughing at us and pulling faces. Massive hat-doffs also to Dave Ludlam, Matt Clarke and Andy McLintock over at Framestore, for a smashing job on the picture. By this time next week I will have submitted the film to its first handful of festivals. Whatever happens after that is anyone's guess.

25-01-11 / STUTTGART FILMWINTER, GERMANY

Just back from the Filmwinter Festival for Expanded Media in Stuttgart, on jury duty for the international competition. My last time there was ten years ago for the international premiere of Telling Lies and this time I screened my retrospective programme. There is something disquieting about your fellow jurors being able to see so much of your work, not to mention all of the directors in attendance whose films you are there to judge. As an added bonus, Hamburg's ever-excellent Wall is a Screen team were there and once again I got to participate, which is always an absolute pleasure. While the cold gnashed through my converse and into my aching toes, Bass Invaders was projected high onto a shop wall in the main street, craning the necks of a good crowd of unsuspecting shoppers. Brilliant.

It was also mint seeing Ruben Östlund's excellent Incident by a Bank again, also on a shop wall, with laughing children in the crowd. Speaking of which, an audience member told me in the festival bar that she took her four year-old daughter Franke to my retrospective, and when she asked her after several screenings what she had liked the most, she said "I like Simon Ellis!" haha :) So, my youngest fan. Go Franke! Still, I do hope she's not having nightmares about flying speakers, walking televisions or spade-wielding nutjobs. All in all, a great time with plenty going on. Lovely people, cheap beer/wine/jaegermeister/rum, and of course, currywurst. My hotel room's angry door handle attempted to electrocute me every time I used it, at one point emitting visible sparks. As for the films, some personal favourites in no particular order: Charles Fairbanks' Wrestling with my Father (USA), Pilvi Takala's Real Snow White (France/Netherlands), Jules Zingg's Les Voisins/Neighbours (France), Bartosz Kruhlik's Wycieczka/Trip (Poland), Anssi Kasitonni's Masa (Finland), and Roberto Perez's Los Gritones/The Screamers (Spain).

In other news, comments about Soft on Youtube are becoming very interesting debates (UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE - new link).

20-01-11 / KNIFE CRIME FILMS

A new version of the last knife crime campaign I directed has been edited, specifically for a limited cinema release. Though I am unhappy with the way the second campaign turned out, thus not mentioning it since the horrific shoot, this new version comes somewhere close to visualising the broad concept. I thought I should finally showcase it in honour of those who worked tirelessly on it, like editor Matt Swanepoel who also edited the first campaign (Choose a Different Ending) and flew back to the UK from South Africa especially for the second one (Who Killed Deon). I must doff my hat again to producer Jonas Blanchard, as always. Finally, kudos to the actors. I was lucky enough to find a great ensemble and would LOVE to work with them again on something of our own.

And the all-new cinema version of Who Killed Deon:

20-12-10 / 'SOFT' ON YOUTUBE

After a few years of managing to keep Soft offline, you can now see it on Youtube (Update - the film has been reclassified for upsetting pew-bothering penis-fearers, so was removed then reinstated). The comments have certainly been crashing in (see a selection below but watch the film first). Quite apart from the rage it seems to inspire in young men, it has fired up interesting debates about US/UK law systems, penis size, and, err, the proximity of shops to homes in the UK.

UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE - It was removed from YouTube once again and this version went up about a year later:

"This movie was sooooo great that i wanna get that actor and actually beat him up myself, even though he was an actor, I dont care"

"That was awesome!!! I wish it was a full movie, my heart was racing the whole time"

"Wow!! Well done! Got my heart going there..."

"Disturbingly real"

"One word: epic"

"Amazing. Had my heart pumping"

"This was an excellent short. Really got the adrenaline going"

"This was phenomenal..."

"This was powerful as shit. Really really good"

"I was jumping up and down cheering and clapping"

"How did they fake that shit? Every hit looked so real"

"I hate bullies down to the very core of my soul and this really made me angry"

"In the UK the store is just around the corner?"

"This sucked. Thumbs up if you like sex"

09-12-10 / NEW INTERVIEW

You're cold and miserable, your house is freezing and it's too cold to go out. You wish you could just nestle down in a big warm yorkshire pudding (I really must get over this yorkshire-pudding-bed thing), watch old matinees, drink hot stuff and return to work in January. Or you could hop on over to The Rough Mix and read this interview.

07-12-10 / HEAVEN THEN HECK IN SCOTLAND

Returned from Kintyre Island off the west coast of Scotland at four o'clock this morning, after a seventeen hour journey through the country's worst snowfall in fifty years. It was utter bedlam and quite impossible to describe with the measly limitations of words. Despite the hard ice on the roads, the sunshine in Kintyre had been heavenly for two days but it buggered off as a white-out suddenly set in as we left. If sliding down a steep road towards the back of the car in front isn't much fun, then the sight of a completely overturned car on the roadside was the shape of much worse things to come. Deciding against the ferry crossing because of the winding mountain roads on the other side, the long route to the mainland by road seemed the sensible option. The radio warned of traffic chaos around Glasgow, with reports of people moving only five miles in twelve hours. After witnessing a car in front of us spin almost 360 degrees, at speed, yet miraculously missing a petrified woman and her child in another car by centimetres, everything became utterly surreal and apocalyptic.

At eleven degrees below freezing, the gridlock on the motorway was insane. Snowmen with windscreen wipers for arms had been built on the otherwise inaccessible central reservation, service stations were oversubscribed, causing one entire lane (lanes were indistinguishable from one another) of the motorway to become a parking strip for people to sleep. Some abandoned their vehicles when their batteries ran out, adding to the congestion. People alighted buses in droves and walked through the traffic, ignoring a troubled commuter whose wheels were hopelessly spinning on the ice. Some were standing in the lanes smoking cigarettes while others had no choice but to relieve their bladders in the collective glare of everyone's headlights. News reports today talked of drivers drinking melted snow to stay hydrated, teachers and pupils having to sleep in their school overnight, the army ferrying the sick and injured to hospital, nearby residents delivering hot food and drinks to motorists, and snow ploughs breaking their blades on the ice. Many hours later I arrived home to frozen pipes and no hot water, which has today caused said pipes to burst and rain through my kitchen ceiling for the second time in six months. According to the plumbers, temperatures have plummeted to as low as minus seventeen here! WTF?

Days before :

27-11-10 / TWO MORE AWARDS

Choose a Different Ending just won two more at the BIMAS, whatever those are. I honestly can't keep up with all these different advertising award ceremonies, but I'm not complaining.

11-11-10 / ONE OF THOSE DAYS AGAIN / BREAKING BAD

Here's a little story. This morning, while frantically trying to print out my boarding pass before leaving for Brest European Short Film Festival in France, I'm up against a variety of technical and human obstructions. Long story short, while doing so, the airline's four-hour rule expired. This means you can no longer check-in online because you have only four hours until the plane bounces, so instead you must pay an extra fee to check-in at the airport ten minutes earlier (ten whole minutes in situations requiring train travel to distant airports is a very, very valuable amount of extra time). To my mind, paying more money for less time is a bit like handing over your sister in order to finally have your toes pulled off, or something.

Meanwhile, all the dicking about trying to sort out said check-in meant I had missed my train. The next one was an hour later and would only get me to the airport with about three minutes to spare. One tiny delay like the train stopping because there was a burp on the track would guarantee failure. So I call the festival and tell them my situation, and a very nice girl called Muriel assures me that, despite the risk factor, the festival would kindly swallow the extra journey costs. She then encourages me to "run Simon run".

Half an hour later I get in the taxi cabbage for the station and the journey is taking twice as long as it should due to roadworks. It is late morning but the traffic is comparable to peak-hour congestion. I miss the train. I think back to the posh old man in his bogey-green Mercedes who pulled in front of us before a red light, adding a crucial minute to the journey. His image goes up in flames and I call the festival to say I could get back in the taxi for the hundred miles to Luton and it will cost more than twice the train ticket but at least I'll get to the airport on time. They say "run Simon run" again and I do just that, back into the cabbage.

We're cruising down the motorway and I'm sitting in the back reading a newspaper, feeling like Miss Daisy. The driver knows I need to be at the airport for one thirty and everything is cool. Even the clouds are breaking up, and I think the low sun gives the driver a headache or something. He forever cruises comfortably down the middle lane with a distant meditative frown, things get tense, then a lane closes and we are crawling for half an hour. We arrive at airport at the exact time that check-in closes. I'm resigned to defeat, given the airline's reputation and my own experiences with this airport in particular, but decide it's not over until it's over.

I get the driver to pull over somewhere he shouldn’t, and a horn immediately honks from behind. I'm really not in the mood for this. The driver gives me a receipt and I put it in my mouth while grabbing my bag. I open the door and a big fist of wind punches the receipt from my lips and sends it spiralling up to god knows where. The driver hands me another one and the car behind honks again, spelling merry hell. I look at the two ladies inside, mouths like O's breaking into complaint with palms upturned as if a giant eyeball was having a piss on their bonnet, and I actually bellowed at them. The whole episode can't have set them back more than fifteen seconds. Still, sorry ladies, you caught me at a really bad time and I shouldn't have lost my temper. But I hope a giant eyeball does wazz on your bonnet. And your pillows.

I think that was when karma pounced on me. I wasn't allowed on the flight. Five minutes late. I paid for a train back home and here I am, Brestless.

But let's hear it for Breaking Bad, a US series I caught up with late but, my god, episode six of season three (above picture) just got me really fidgety in all the best possible ways.

02-11-10 / THREE NEW AWARDS

Choose a Different Ending just scooped three more at Campaign magazine's Big Awards. Not sure what the exact awards are as yet.

29-10-10 / BACK FROM THE DEAD / JAM TODAY / CANNES PRESS

That's this blog that's back from the dead, not my still-perished hard disks, which I've been trying to ignore. Their demise knocked me so hard I decided not to write about anything until they were recovered and my lost Swimming video rose from the ashes pissing a torrent of fire. Alas, they still have an appointment to keep with data recovery professionals while I have been busying myself with...

... photographing newts in my kitchen and so forth. Oh, and the edit of my new short Jam Today, which became unexpectedly tricky to keep under fifteen minutes but I'm a gnat's nut away from picture-lock, so I'm taking some days away from it in a ridiculous attempt to maintain some perspective. That's me being responsible instead of buggering off to knock about with Swimming on their debut European tour, catching up with currywurst in Berlin and Hamburg (and no doubt filming something that would only need editing).

There is a nice feature on Choose a Different Ending in The Cannes Report (which claims I'm the world's seventh highest ranking director of 2010!?!) and also an interview I did for Shots magazine after the winning streak.

08-09-10 / TRIPLE HARD DISK FAILURE GRINDS EVERYTHING TO A HALT

One evening after an ordinary shutdown, my computer somehow completely killed all three internal hard drives dead. They won't start at all and I have spent days disassembling and rebuilding and poking around internet forums. I have no explanation for such a massive stroke of bad luck. The computer just wouldn't boot one morning and it has wiped out the entire Swimming music video AND its back-up (including lots of compositing work), plus the two days of syncing I had just done for the new short Jam Today (which is a small loss in comparison to the music video). Needless to say, I am pretty upset about the whole thing and the world pretty much stinks for me right now.

While away on the shoot for Jam Today, which was also a killer shoot but I just don't have the heart to write about it, the knife crime campaign was completed and went online. It is not as I intended so I won't be reporting on that any longer. A big disappointment after the PAIN of shooting it. The cast were so brilliant that I'm writing a short for them specifically, to hopefully be done over a weekend for nobody but ourselves.

13-08-10 / A TON OF SHIZ

Loads happening. A bazzin' recce on the Norfolk Broads for Jam Today resulted in several potential locations. The usual quota of insanely beautiful skies and postcard sunsets worked wonders for the old head and I bagged quite a bit of footage towards long-gestating short Rotation into the bargain.

All of this amounted to the calm before the storm, in the shape of a follow-up to last year's anti-knife crime campaign (Choose a Different Ending). This new one was easily the most trying shoot of my entire filmmaking career so far. Even tougher than What about the Bodies. More on all this and Jam Today soon.

07-07-10 / NICE REVIEW OF 'SOFT'

I hadn't seen this before but just found a nice review of Soft on what looks to be a very interesting site devoted to short film.

01-07-10 / URGENT REQUEST TO ANY POTENTIAL INVESTORS

If you or anyone you know, be it an individual or a company, would be in a position to help top up our budget for my new short film Jam Today, please contact me via the email address at the foot of my home page.

28-06-10 / TWO MORE AWARDS IN CANNES

Unbelievably, Choose a Different Ending has scooped another gold and the inaugural Grand Prix for Good. I received the call on my birthday, no less :)

23-06-10 / AWARDS HAT TRICK IN CANNES

Just heard from the producer of Choose a Different Ending that we have won two Gold Lions and a Young Director Award for Best European Web Film in Cannes.

08-06-10 / NEW SHORT FILM / SWIMMING VIDEO FINISHED / HAMBURG

It's been ages! I'm extremely relieved to announce that my new short film Jam Today has been commissioned and is due to go into production in early September. It's all rather ambitious for the budget we have but it feels GREAT to be getting back down to it. In a nutshell, it is the story of an eleven year-old boy's sexual awakening while holidaying with his family on the Norfolk Broads.

The music video for Swimming has also been finished for a little while now. I have no idea what will happen with it until the single is released so I shall say nothing until the boys are ready. The short documentary we shot in snowy Northumberland last December will also accompany the release and I will upload both videos once I have the okay from the band. The performance promo I shot for them a couple of years ago can be seen here.

Hamburg International Short Film Festival was the usual blast, although I was destroyed by hay fever once again. It was my ninth consecutive year there and I was due to present the Audience Award but I fell asleep in my apartment and so wasn't there when asked to take the stage. I watched more films than usual and recommendations are: Ruben Östlund's Incident by a Bank (Sweden), Anthony Vouardoux's Yuri Lennon's Landing on Alpha 46 (Germany), Ran-hee Lee's A Perm (South Korea), Nicolas Provost's Long Live the New Flesh (Belgium), Antonio Piazza and Fabio Grassadonia'a Rita (Italy), Jay Rosenblatt's The Darkness of Day (USA), Paul Negoescu's Derby (Romania), and Jan Speckenbach's Sparrows (Germany).

27-03-10 / DUTCH RETROSPECTIVE / TEACHER COMMERCIALS ALMOST FINISHED

GoShort International Short Film Festival in Nijmegen (Netherlands) screened a retrospective of my work last weekend. Smack in the middle of editing the new commercials, I made the journey to introduce the programme. I highly recommend this festival and urge all filmmakers to include it on their submissions calendar. Given that this was only their second year, the organisation was fantastic and from a purely technical perspective, the quality of theatre projection was up there with the best I've ever seen. In fact, the standard was so high that it reminded me of the need to remaster my films (not something I look forward to when lots of fiddly compositing will have to be started from scratch). The screenings even started on time, which took some getting used to. The staff were all great and after only three days there I felt surprisingly emotional saying goodbye, waving my thanks to them all as one and more or less scarpering. Films that stood out for me were Rúnar Rúnarsson's latest Anna (Denmark), Supriyo Sen's Wagah (Germany/India), Mechtild Gassner's Today is Yesterday and Tomorrow (Germany), Patrik Eklund's Seeds of the Fall (Sweden), and Jorien van Nes' Den Helder (Netherlands). All in all, after being so absorbed in the very different world of television commercials recently, the whole experience was just what the doctor ordered. An interview I did for the programme can be found here.

So, off the plane and straight back into the edit suite to finish the teacher recruitment commercials, which are now awaiting client feedback (this could potentially change everything yet, but for now I'm happy). There are four in all (two thirty-seconds and two ten-seconds), focusing on Maths and Science lessons. Over the years I have heard many anecdotes about working in the commercials industry (most of them bad) and it's interesting to find out what is true and what isn't, which becomes clear very quickly despite being new to the game. I'm grateful that my intended approach to keep the commercials totally documentary, using the teachers' actual pupils in their actual classrooms, was honoured. Trying to shape a coherent thirty seconds out of it all while leaving lots of good stuff out is another challenge altogether. It has been a long journey with obstacles and about-turns, but as a production company, Mad Cow Films have really had my back once again. The machine that is Jonas Blanchard (Producer) has been tirelessly legendary.

11-03-10 / AWARD FOR 'CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING'

Choose a Different Ending won a Gold in public service advertising at last night's BTAA's (British Television Advertising Awards).

02-03-10 / AWARDS FOR 'CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING'

Choose a Different Ending won two golds (best viral & best online advertising) and the Best In Show award, the Platinum Honour, at the 2010 Creative Circle Awards.

19-02-10 / NEW COMMERCIAL JOB / MIKE FIGGIS

Tired. Preparation for a new commercial has had me travelling up and down the country to interview secondary school teachers. My already-healthy respect for good teaching has gone up a few more notches and my research has inevitably caused me to reflect on my own miserable school years, where 98% of staff seemed doomed to teach out of necessity rather than passion. Sitting at the back of classes as an adult is an odd experience and the absurd fear that the teacher is going to pick me out to answer a question is as prevalent as it ever was. The excessive rail travel required to reach all of the locations sometimes results in as little as one hour's work in a fourteen-hour day, and long taxi rides to remotely-located schools in between trains have involved funny conversations with rural cabbies. Within the space of an hour I had one proudly telling me all about his successful daughter who now works and lives in Manhattan, and on the following journey another proudly told all about his successful daughter who now works and lives in a chateau in central France. It would seem that successful, emigrated daughters are de rigueur in the taxi-driving fraternity. I cursed not having a camera when my train rattled through a Norfolk field of chomping pigs with birds perched on their indifferent heads.

All of this means that the Swimming video has been put on hold until we are all free to shoot the remaining segment.

Attending a seminar at Soho Theatre last week, I was happy to discover a kindred spirit in director Mike Figgis. I had been increasingly convinced that my lack of interest in watching films was at odds with my chosen profession. Is there something strange about liking FILM (the process of making them) far more than FILMS (watching them)? I do enjoy a good film as much as the next person but I am rarely satisfied and find most of them too long even if they are expertly constructed and performed (Un Prophet being the most recent example). I often attempt to remedy such disinterest by making myself watch more but the pile has become depressingly unmanageable and actually quite stressful. I could take this dichotomy to the extreme and watch nothing at all if it weren't for the nagging risk that whatever I am working on may have been done before, and better, so therefore the only way to be sure is by keeping an eye on what is going on. I abandoned television years ago but to abandon film too would all seem a bit Beethoven or something.

28-01-10 / AWARD FOR 'CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING' / SWIMMING PROMO

Osocio, the world's leading social and non-profit advertising blog, have awarded Choose a Different Ending with their Campaign of 2009 award.

Having finished the short, snowy documentary for Swimming, I am now in the middle of shooting and cutting the promo for the single. Both projects tie in so more on them in a later post.

24-12-09 / SINGING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND

Three days ago I was in Narnia with Nottingham band Swimming, for reasons they will shortly announce on their myspace. Okay so we were in Northumberland really, but the landscape was truly magical, consisting of nothing but snow-caked christmas trees as far as the eye could see. Given that we arrived in heavy snowfall we were fortunate not to end up marooned, drinking melted snow and eating tree bark. Or each other. A mile or two short of our destination, the conditions prevented the cars from driving uphill so we walked the remaining distance with all the kit and, ultimately, the day was a resounding success. Out in a brilliant location, in the best snow you ever dreamed of, with a determined, talented group of people - this is what it’s all about.

I will be directing the promo for their upcoming single in January. In the meantime, the last clip I did for them can be found here. Yep, Bubtowers is finally featuring video content after only three and a half years.

14-11-09 / RETROSPECTIVE / EIRE / AWARDS FOR 'CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING'

There will finally be a retrospective of my films in my home town of Nottingham on Sunday 29th November at Broadway Cinema, as part of Bang Short Film Festival’s tenth anniversary Local Heroes slot. I have attempted to cram in as eclectic a selection as possible while keeping the running time down to ninety minutes. If you are local, or even if you aren’t, come along and throw tomatoes. Or money.

Just back from starry and flooded southern Ireland, a country fast becoming the most expensive in the world. Loitered around Cork Film Festival and caught a few films, the highlights being an Italian comedy feature called Pranzo di Ferragosto and a great Norwegian short called Twende, which unfortunately didn’t even get so much as a mention in the rather uninspired choice of awards. The low point was the unintentionally-funny new UK feature Harry Brown, for too many reasons to mention. Also managed to see The Road, which was so convincingly and relentlessly bleak that I felt a strong urge to drink myself to death after leaving the cinema.

My first commercial, the Choose a Different Ending campaign, has just won three awards: Best New Director at the BTA Craft Awards, plus Silver and Bronze at the London international Awards. Check out the clutch here.

22-10-09 / JAPAN

My third visit to Sapporo in Japan for the film festival, and another amazing trip. I’ve just written this paragraph several times before eventually deleting every highlight because it all sounds too much like boasting. Suffice to say: friends old and new (including the fella who played Jimmy Olsen in the original Superman films), cultural madness, mint food, and an unprecedented level of festival hospitality which goes waaay beyond the call of duty. Festival director Toshiya Kubo personally took us to see the Mt. Okaru ski jump when the festival was over, complete with nutters doing the jump in the pouring rain. My body clock never managed to find any balance during the whole trip, but even this potentially-fatal handicap didn’t impede the barmy brilliance of it all.

There are many photographs but I have long given up on the effort it takes to compile a pop-up gallery. However, I had promised Toshi that I would shoot a documentary diary of the week and then promptly forgot to take any kind of video camera, so he proffered that I do it with stills. Depending on how ambitious the post-production of said clip becomes it will hopefully be much more entertaining than a stills gallery, although there is enough material and ideas to ensure it could remain unrealised for a fatal stretch of time if I let myself get stupid about it.

One thing that isn’t likely to make it into the diary is the twelve-hours-to-kill-between-airports on the return journey. Starving, my arrival at Tokyo Haneda airport from Sapporo was just after the 11pm curfew on all shops, food, and helpful members of staff with English-speaking tendencies. Through a miracle of universal gesturing, nodding, shaking and frowning, a very kind gentleman who could smile his way through a funeral managed to communicate that I could find a 24-hour hamburger if I jump on the imminent (and last) train of the night, to Hamamatsucho. Having still to interface with the brain-bumming ticket machines, I didn’t risk any of the valuable remaining seconds asking how I might also get to Narita airport for my connecting flight to London. An hour later in Hamamatsucho, my appetite was considering its threshold while choosing between Cuttlefish Guts pickled in Salt, Fried Chicken Skin pickled in Sozu vinegar, Raw Horse meat, Fried Pop Chicken Gristle, Homemade Stewed Innards and Vegetables, Stir-fried Hot Pork Innards, or McDonalds. Fortunately, the untranslated Japanese menu (which, to be fair, this particular Izakaya would be better off sticking with) featured a photograph of Gyoza so I pointed at that and managed to get some quality munch. Four hours later, after some carefully-considered loitering, reading, drinking, and a spot of short-range strolling with my luggage, I managed to go the distance until the 5am train to the airport.

11-10-09 / GHENT FILM FESTIVAL / 10 TIGERS / TV LICENSING

There is nothing that relaxes and inspires me as much as chugging a boat around the enchanting Norfolk Broads, place of my conception and, dare I say, my spiritual home. Having returned from a long-overdue holiday there, where I completed further tests for the long-term night-photography project, I attended Ghent Film Festival in Belgium for a couple of days.

It was my third time at this particular festival and an impromptu drinking session in Nottingham the night before saw me arriving in a crabby enough condition to leave my passport on the plane, doh. The hospitality was first class, as always. It never gets any less surreal, especially when the hotel staff, who love it so much they have all remained since last year, remember you (and I won’t bang on about the enormity of the beds for fear of repeating last year’s entry, but they are BIG, okay). So, with enough food vouchers to eat like a king in a choice of amazing festival-sponsored restaurants (which all serve Westmalle beer!), it’s hard to escape the nudging sensation of being a lucky bugger. To think that I could have stayed the whole ten days in the lap of luxury, flicking peanuts at Kevin Costner or Andy Garcia. Another time.

Made the final tweaks to Tony Kelly’s short film 10 Tigers, which we started work on right after Andrew Brand’s Things We Leave Behind. Tony’s last short film, which we cut in 2006, is available to watch on the excellent BBC Film Network here.

Finally, nothing to do with work, but an outrageous example of Orwellian privacy-invasion that we should all be aware of. It takes a Jupiter-sized dose of willpower to summon the calm required for writing this without pissing fire from all orifices. A few years ago, I was finally granted exemption from paying a TV license fee when an understanding member of TV licensing, who also confessed to hating television, finally believed that I never watch the damn thing. However, given my trade, I own a set for watching DVDs. I just received a typically tiresome and dogmatic letter from TV licensing saying that Amazon.com have informed them that I recently purchased a television despite not possessing a valid license and blah-blah-blah. Naturally, the first thing I wanted to do was rip off Amazon’s nuts.com and introduce them to its bumcrack.com. Then I discovered that they aren’t the only retailers obliged to inform TV Licensing of such purchases. Honestly, this world. Said purchase was actually an HD monitor for editing purposes, but of course they cannot entertain that, oh no, you simply must be watching television.

22-09-09 / MILANO FILM FESTIVAL

Having attended the Milano Film Festival in 2003 and 2004 I was very much looking forward to being there again, and it didn’t disappoint. Okay, so I got savaged by Milanese mosquitoes again and one even seemed to follow me home (as I simultaneously write this and scratch the tumescent bites on my arm, a threatening buzz keeps zipping past my ear) but you can’t have everything. Partying got the better of me every night, despite my efforts to the contrary, and old friendships resumed while new intelligent, funny and charming acquaintances were made. A funny snippet of information was a member of the festival team telling me that he screened What about the Bodies in Antarctica to a boat full of Russian sailors travelling from Argentina. That has to qualify as my strangest exhibition location so far.

The jury work was interesting as there was much difference of opinion and while things threatened to become heated, a level of democracy prevailed and we got through it without anyone throttling their fellow jurors. Somebody told me after the ceremony that there was a palpable tension when we were on stage together, which I certainly didn't feel, but looking at the photograph (above) there can be no arguing against their assumption. Best film went to Laurence Thrush's Tobira No Muko (Left Handed) from Japan, and a special mention was awarded to Futoko (The Dark Harbour), also from Japan.

Something amazing happened on the closing evening which I feel lucky to have witnessed and been truly touched by. The lion’s share of the work was over for the staff, who could now start to unwind, so everybody was drinking and eating food in the park when the heavens opened. Now, I have been to a ton of festivals and as many of their parties, but this moment was something else. The DJ cranked up the music and MSTRKRFT’s remix of Justice’s D.A.N.C.E will never be the same again. Although the tables were sheltered by huge umbrellas, people leapt out into the rain to dance and became joyfully drenched. And it was good rain too, accompanied by the electrical storm I had smelled coming all day long (the last night of the same festival in 2003 also featured a storm over the castle). Everyone present versus the world. Crunchy beats, thunder, lightning and rain. I was happy to be alive, such was my whimsy, and it was a festival highlight I will never forget.

17-09-09 / PROGRESS IN DUNGENESS

Had a great few days on the UK’s south coast, in Dungeness, with Soft actor Jonny Phillips and his brilliant dog Bess. The perfect location for peace and quiet, luxuries like internet access and mobile phone coverage are replaced with howling winds, angry seas, cosy log fires and a barren, desert-like landscape. It is truly inspiring and comes as no surprise that Derek Jarman chose to relocate there. The New York Times once said of the area “If Kent is the garden of England then Dungeness is the back gate”.

The primary intention of the trip was to untangle the sprawling feature film idea I have been developing for the last seventy-nine years, which threatens to become quite unmanageable for my pudding-like brain. Although we made some progress, the solitude also proved ideal for viewing the feature films in competition at Milan Film Festival this week, where I am on international jury duties.

Most gratifying of all was the photography and the successful tests I did for an ambitious short film idea I mentioned in the 01-03-09 entry. Despite being a year or two away from any kind of completion, it's exciting to finally start the ball rolling. May it roll and roll, crushing all baddies in its path. No goodies, though. We like goodies.

02-09-09 / THINGS WE LEAVE BEHIND / AVATAR

Finished editing Andrew Brand’s new short film Things We Leave Behind, an old-school chiller set in the appropriately desolate landscape of East Anglia.

I have become quite fascinated by the general disappointment surrounding James Cameron’s trailer for Avatar.  Having been his only project since Titanic, largely consisting of ten years development and research into “cinema-changing” 3D technology, the first teaser (albeit in standard 2-D) admittedly looks like nothing more than a computer game.  I can’t help but fantasise about this being a deliberate ploy, a masterstroke of reverse-marketing genius.  Paranoid fantasy and complete rubbish of course, but the suits are always looking for the next marketing gimmick and if any film’s hype is massive enough to take such a risk without damaging its potential box-office, it would have to be this one.  Daft conjecture aside, it does amaze me how everyone has decided the film’s fate on the basis of a trailer because, let’s face it, trailers are shit. The fuss has been almost entirely about how it will revolutionise 3-D technology (therefore getting bums on cinema seats AND taking a huge step towards anti-piracy) so let's wait and see. Meanwhile, yet another redux of the much-spoofed scene from Der Untergang (Downfall) sums the whole thing up nicely and is well worth a few minutes of your time, unless you speak German, in which case it won’t be very funny at all.

In other news, a bewildering choice of potential projects threatens to confuse me into pursuing none of them.  I even had to stop myself from beginning a comic strip while unable to sleep.  Still, it’s all exciting and gets me out of bed in the morning.  As do the fresh duck eggs from a Derbyshire farm I recently camped in, oh yes.

03-08-09 / PICK OF THE WEEK IN CAMPAIGN MAGAZINE

Choose a Different Ending has been honoured with 'pick of the week' in the industry bible that is Campaign magazine. Scans can be seen here and here.

27-07-09 / CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING

Good lord, a quarter of a million hits now.

16-07-09 / CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING

The campaign has so far received an impressive 36,000 hits on YouTube. A lot of people, that.

05-07-09 / 'CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ENDING' ON YOUTUBE

The interactive version of the anti knife crime commercial is now online if you fancy a muck about. The sixty-second standalone version will presently begin rotation on MTV in quite nifty style, taking the start and end of the commercial break. The online campaign is made up of approximately thirty individual segments which you can navigate through. Two of the segments end with music videos and I should point out that those are somebody else's work. I hadn't even seen them until the films went live. To be fair, I had little to do with the post-production throughout the whole project, which is a first for me. I don't exaggerate when I say it's amazing that the work retained any kind of coherent shape considering the bizarre volume of complications, so I doff my hat to a persistent production team, editor, and agency for being such soldiers.

22-06-09 / HAMBURG / COMMERCIAL MADNESS

Haven't had a moment to post for some time. The Hamburg Short Film Festival was only a couple of weeks ago but it may as well be months. It was my eighth consecutive vistit to the festival and the first time I wasn't screening in competition, although Telling Lies screened four times as part of their 25th anniversary 'Best of' programme and my favourite outdoor event 'A Wall is a Screen'. I also found out afterwards that What about the Bodies screened in the 24hour marathon screening, which would have been great to attend, grrr. Highlight shorts for me were Juho Kuosmanen's Citizens (Finland), Benjamin Kracun's Plane Days (England), Susanna Wallin's Marker (Sweden/England), Ken Wardrop's The Herd (Ireland), Abdolrahman's Mirani's The Wooden Carpet (Iran) and Daniel Elliott's Jade (England).

While I was at the festival two other things happened back home. First, I made the shortlist for a new short film commission, which I'm very excited about. Second, I got the job directing a commercial, which resulted in constant phone calls asking me to return home prematurely and, when I didn't, an immediate return to London instead of Nottingham. So it was straight onto casting duties after stepping off the plane and one week after that we were shooting. It was easily the toughest shoot of my career, though all of the difficulties were of the unnecessary kind. I certainly won't be the only crew member to be saying "Oh man, once I did this job where..." in years to come. More on the actual commercial in due course.

12-05-09 / RETROSPECTIVE IN ROMANIA

Timisoara, Romania. A ten-film programme and the weather was perfect. My biography in the festival brochure was amusingly sourced from the internet and was a combination of my own bio and that of a music producer, also called Simon Ellis. So, aside from making films, I now work with Britney Spears and All Saints. This has to be the best clerical error of my career so far.

The trip was only a couple of days long, but eventful. My favourite shorts were Ilian Metev's documentary Goleshovo (UK/Bulgaria), Anthony Chen's Haze (Singapore) and Yasmine Novak's Zohar (Israel). The producer of Zohar told me a great story. I was at a festival in Bulgaria a few years ago and I met a filmmaker/actress who is Julia Roberts' doppelganger, and it turns out that she is now acting in a feature film where she is constantly mistaken for the actress. I can't wait to see it as the resemblance is uncanny. One thing that wasn't so brilliant about the trip is the nasty cold that I contracted, which the paranoid gremlin is hoping isn't swine flu now that the aches have started. I was fine one moment, then I walked from one side of the square (pictured above) to the other, and started sneezing. As i'm typing this my red-raw nose is dripping, which is shit.

31-03-09 / PICTURES FROM HAMBURG

I have finally got some photographs from the al fresco screening of Soft at Hamburg Short Film Festival last year. It was shown as part of the brilliant Wall is a Screen programme and there were something close to one thousand people present. The images can be seen on the Soft page (once there, hover your mouse over the image to see a second shot).

14-03-09 / 'SOFT' BOWS OUT WITH FINAL AWARD

After a nerve-shredding few weeks where everything was looking grim and I had seriously been considering dissolving my company, Soft went and won the grand prize at the European Short Film Festival in Reus (near Barcelona in Spain). I couldn't believe it, this far down the line, at the very end of the film's festival life and in its last competition. I was so sure that its run was over, especially when it was up against Rúnar Rúnarsson's Smáfuglar (Iceland), a beautifully crafted awards-botherer. I couldn't think of anything to say that came close to the immense gratitude I felt. It is literally a life-changing prize right now.

01-03-09 / FILM INSIDERS TALENT FESTIVAL

Just back from Barrow-in-Furness in the Lake District, where I sat on a panel to yak about "the leap from shorts to features" with Nottingham producer Al Clark and others. It was so brilliant to get away into Cumbria's fresh air for even a short time. The skies were grey and threatened to unzip on us but it didn't matter. I hadn't been across Kirkstone Pass for ten years and it was a real tickle going through it again, having become so familiar with the route in my photography days.

The fog prevented us from seeing much at high altitudes but it was a buzz just to stand at the edge of Ullswater and wee on a tree, the clean air being essential compensation for eating nothing but rubbish food and drinking too much alcohol. I wanted to row a boat on Ullswater but they wouldn't let me until Easter. We stayed above a cosy pub where they don't even lock the door at night and inside the celings had loads of low beams for you to twat your head on. Most significantly, it smelled wonderfully nostalgic, like a musty pantry or second-hand bookshop, or my grandma's house when I was but a little scrote.

The trip also rekindled the urge to begin a short film in the area this spring. It's an ambitous project that marries my night photography background to film and it will take years to complete, involving lots of trial and error, the invention of a bespoke camera mount, and many hours sitting next to mountains through the night with a blanket and a pot noodle. The best-case scenario will be that I have an IMAX masterpiece on my hands. The worst-case scenario is that I will be found dead in a stream at the bottom of the valley like the dead zombie at the end of 28 Days Later (which was actually filmed there).

25-02-09 / DUBLIN INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL

The screening in Dublin was a pleasant affair with almost all of the cast present. I completely forgot to take my camera along to the show, so there are no pictures. There is an interview with Irish national radio station RTE here, an interview from Totally Dublin magazine here, and a scrappy scan of a post-Rotterdam Screen International article here.

Saw a whole bunch of other films too, my favourite being Andreas Dresen's Cloud 9. Anvil's appearance at the screening of Anvil! The Story of Anvil was memorable enough, as it's not every day you get to see a metal band perform in a cinema after a screening. Oh, and my smart-arse predictions for the BAFTA and Oscar winning shorts were fantastically wrong.

03-02-09 / ROTTERDAM PRESS

Some tidbits of press from the festival papers - one interview in English (It's high time I got a new publicity shot) and another in Dutch.

There are also a couple of rather unflattering pictures that were taken the morning after a heavy night. Nothing like crawling out of bed with eyes like atoms for a photocall. The paper even reveals how I slept through my scheduled appointment (I ignored it), only for the hotel staff to walk into my room and offer a rude awakening. Now call me miserable but you can't just tell someone at short notice that you want to photograph them in their shared room when there are pants, socks, beer bottles and a composer laying around. My escape plan didn't quite work out and after regaining unconsciousness almost immediately I had to gimp myself two hours later. The photographer had this 'theme' where he was capturing directors in their hotel rooms doing something 'interesting', so after a bleary shot in the hotel reception we headed upstairs and I opted to hide down in between the twin beds with only my arm visible, thrusting an apple into the air. The apple was shit. Golden delicious, which are everything but.

The scan above just means that we were the most viewed, proving that word-of-mouth was effective, maybe because of the success of Soft or maybe because of the title.

31-01-09 / THOUGHTS AFTER ROTTERDAM

Well, the screens were HUGE and the shows sold out but the whole thing was so surreal I don't really know what to make of it all. Word of mouth on the film was big, topping the official 'most viewed' list in the video library, but those who responded to it most were definitely the film students I got to meet while there. Two of the actors (Kate Heppell and Justine Glenton) were also in attendance, as were two of the producers (Allan Niblo and Jane Hooks) and the film's composer (Tom Bailey).

There was little time to catch any of the other films between three screenings of my own, interviews and Q&A sessions, which was something of a skiddy bummer. A couple of critics have responded as expected so no real surprises there. Compared to somewhere like Sundance I thought the festival itself was great and the technical side of things was top-notch so I'm well pleased to have premiered there, even if I saw nothing of the city. I bumped into many familiar faces from other festival jaunts and I was even grown-up enough to get an early night on the final evening. Shameful, that.

The only terrible, terrible thing was discovering a mistake in the opening credits. It's too late to fix this for the cinema release but it will be corrected for the DVD. I could have died. Massive apologies to Production Designer Sami Khan, who is erroneously credited as Costume Designer for the time being. When I called to tell him he followed his "thanks for ruining my weekend" with a hearty laugh, which was really bloody gracious, I thought.

I feel the need to bring some attention to a festival report by a David Jenkins who, by some miracle I cannot fathom, ‘writes’ for Time Out (and I use inverted commas in honour of his own apparent obsession with them, to be, y'know, 'ironic'). In prose better suited to red-top newspapers, he refers to Singaporian director Royston Tan as the “Singaporese underachiever”. Apart from unintentionally inventing a new word in the first half of that two-word statement, the second is nothing short of ludicrous and factually inaccurate. Having completed four feature films by the age of thirty-two, you would be hard-pressed to find someone as prolific as Mr Tan, who seemed close to exhaustion when I last met him. I very much doubt the same can be said of someone who spends his career scribbling, it would seem, about other peoples' work. Would Jenkins say the same about others of similarly unstoppable output? Shane Meadows, for example? Makes my piss boil. Mr Jenkins, remember to a) research, and b) write with even a little flair. It’s the very least you can do.

25-01-09 / 'DOGGING' IN ROTTERDAM AND DUBLIN / OSCAR NOMINATIONS

It's the world premiere of Dogging in Rotterdam tomorrow night, eek!

Apologies to those who booked tickets to Dublin International Film Festival for Dogging before the infuriating change of screening date at the eleventh hour. Well, there are only two of you who were organised enough to book before the switch, but it doesn't hurt to exaggerate one's popularity if the mood fits. Right now I'm in a fairly vacant mood. A brain of broken biscuits. Held together by cheap jam. I'm having a spaz of a time trying to write a new feature film, spending more hours researching than actual writing, in the hope that when my cup runneth over with knowledge it will just shoom out of my fingertips onto the page. Yeah, right.

Congratulations to Reto Caffi on his Oscar nomination for his short film Auf der Strecke (On the Line). Having already watched the film bag many awards, it doesn't come as too much of a surprise. Reto, I haven't forgotten that you still owe me a couple of vodkas, so now you can make it a bottle if you bring home the bronze fella, thank you very much, ta, nice one. Competition will be tough with the Irish short New Boy also nominated. I think it's exactly the kind of film the academy will go for. Plus, it's Irish. Say no more. My prediction is that New Boy will scoop the Oscar and Sam Taylor-Wood's Love You More will take the BAFTA. The whole thing reminds me of Soft being disqualified from the oscar nominations last year because of a 3am screening on UK television. Television, of all things, something I couldn't care less about and only have the misfortune to spar with when I drop by friends' houses to eat their food. Some of which I might throw at said telly.

13-01-09 / 'DOGGING' IN ROTTERDAM

I almost forgot, my debut feature Dogging is set to premiere at Rotterdam International Film Festival in two weeks. It screens on the 26th, 27th, 29th and 31st, just in case you are passing through, like.

03-12-08 / INTERVIEWS / 'SOFT' WINS BIFA / BUCHAREST

There are a couple of new magazine interviews online - one from Film & Festivals and the other from Little White Lies. The latter is from their October issue but I was only just informed about it, having been previously told it would be published in January.

Well, it's a funny old world. Having submitted Soft for consideration at the British Independent Film Awards (BIFA) last year, only to be ignored, this year it was invited and won Best Short Film. Needless to say, I couldn't take the nomination seriously so I was more than a little surprised to learn of the win while sitting in a dark little Bucharest bar. The last award in a great run, for sure. Alongside the Cinema16 release, it seems to have reignited a lot of press interest, although most of it focuses on the film being "about hoodies and happy slapping" (groan).

The Bucharest trip was to sit on the jury for Dakino Film Festival, where Soft won last year. Unfortunately I only saw the city by night, or more specifically its clubs and bars, having spent my days either sleeping or attempting to write in my hotel room. It was the first time I ever attended a festival where I still couldn't find my geographical bearings by the time I left. At the rather unique awards ceremony, the awards went to Laszlo Nemes' The Counterpart (Hungary), Samuel Tilman's Voix de Garage (Dead End) (Belgium) and Hadrian Marcu's Joi (Thursday) (Romania). The festival president is a celebrity chef and owns many restaurants so providing you weren't vegetarian the food was great, although I experienced a slightly different restaurant menu once the festival closed, with 'Brain Speciality', 'Breadcrumbed Brain' and 'Turkey Testicles'. Err, I'll take the trout please...

23-11-08 / 'SOFT' AVAILABLE TO BUY ON DEEVEEDEE

Soft is finally available to buy as part of the latest Cinema 16 DVD compilation ‘World Short Films'. It's a double-disc edition this time, featuring the usual eclectic blend of shorts by big players (such as Guillermo del Toro, Park Chan-Wook, Alfonso Cuaron, Jane Campion) alongside work by newcomers (such as me).

I've yet to receive my copy at the time of writing but if the three films I have seen are anything to go by then you should feel guilty that you haven't purchased it already, and if you have, then feel daft that you didn't buy multiple copies. Christmas is coming don't you know, and this would make a perfect gift for a friend in need of some savvy guidance from your good, cultured self. With five hours (five!!!) of films including directors' commentaries, your finger will be so on the pulse that you'll have to dip it into a bag of frozen peas to stop it vibrating, oh yes. Well what are you waiting for? Why are you reading this when you should be here buying these ridiculously affordable pleasurediscs? Oh and while you're there you might as well pick up the original Cinema 16 DVD ‘British Short Films' which includes my film Telling Lies.

15-11-08 / INTERFILM JURY, BERLIN

Another blast in Berlin at Interfilm Short Film Festival, except I caught another cold on the flight over. I only kicked the last one a week before and this one has now mutated into the flu. Brilliant. Either there are way too many germs dancing around these days or my immune system has packed its bags. Festival highlights for me were David Charon's Le Secret de Salamon (Salomon's Secret) (France), Jason Stutter's Careful with that Axe (New Zealand), Mads Matthiesen's Dennis (Denmark), Grimur Hakonarson's Wrestling (Iceland), Frederick Vin's Paul Rondin est... Paul Rondin (France), Bill Plympton's Hot Dog (USA) and Alan Becker's Animator Vs Animation (USA).

International Competition Jury members (left to right): French cinematographer Carlo Varini, Swiss actress Sabine Timoteo, Simon Ellis and Director of Toronto Worldwide Short Film Festival Eileen Arandiga.

31-10-08 / UPPSALA SHORT FILM FESTIVAL, SWEDEN

After years of meeting the director of Uppsala Short Film Festival in Hamburg each year, and having missed the opportunity to attend last year, I finally made it over to present Soft in the Prix UIP programme, out of competition. The Q&A sessions were great and I learned that a social dilemma similar to the one in the film has recently occurred in Sweden, resulting in a father shooting the tormentor of his son. Sadly, this isn't the first time that international audiences have told me that these problems (all too common in the UK) are beginning to happen in their country.

On a happier note, I also managed to watch plenty of other films for a change. International competition highlights included Tobias Nölle's René (Switzerland), Sergi Perez's New Dress (Spain), and the idea behind Bevan Walsh's Love Does Grow on Trees (UK) was one of those gems that had me wondering why I had never thought of it myself; an ode to one of the less talked-about phenomena of the eighties – discarded porn mags in wooded areas.

The Norweigan programmes included some brilliant comedies, including Roar Uthag's The Martin Administration, Joachim Solum's extraordinary Depth Solitude, Hans Petter Moland's United We Stand, and Martin Lund's Home Game (included in a screening of my favourite shorts in Hull Short Film Festival earlier this year). The Romanian focus typically featured strong work but my favourite was still Cristian Nemescu's Marilena de la P7, which I first saw a year ago and enjoyed even more this time around. I had never seen Constantin Popescu's The Apartment before; a festival success in 2004/2005. Great.

16-10-08 / GHENT FILM FESTIVAL, BELGIUM

Flew to Brussels with a cold and landed with one blocked ear. By the time I arrived in the postcard city of Ghent an hour later it popped clear but then somehow blocked again during a screening, staying that way for two days when the snot finally started to unwrap itself from around my brain. I was expecting to be on a short film jury but it was in fact the international feature jury so I felt somewhat out of my depth, the other jury members being older, wiser, and generally more interested in cinema than myself. They were a great bunch though and despite us rarely agreeing on anything unanimously, debates never became arguments and it was a good experience. I couldn't believe my luck when I walked into my gargantuan hotel room. There would have been enough space to install a full-size snooker table, including all necessary elbow room and an accompanying audience. The bed was a monster; I have seen smaller bedrooms.

Having to introduce myself to a prince while trying not to accidentally spit a half-chewed chicken curry sandwich on him seems like a worthy tidbit, though perhaps not. The opening film (The Visitor) was a good start, albeit out of competition, and I wound up talking shite at two of the actors in their room until small o'clock before retiring to my BED and instantly falling asleep, full of too much free wine. Over the next few days I fleetingly met Woody Harrelson following a screening of his new film 'Trans-Siberian', watched Harold Lloyd's ‘Safety Last' on the big screen and turned into a child for 73 minutes, got scared by big ugly oysters and mussels but ate many fresh shrimps/sole/turbot/seawolf/partridge/veal and deer, slept many big sleeps in my big bed that was big enough for five big people, met a very funny and unassuming man who happened to be the writer of Ben E King's 'Stand by Me' and a bunch of Elvis hits, fought off sleep in the cinema during several screenings and finally lost the battle on one occasion, went to a fully bombastic John Williams concert, was shocked by Emmanuel Beart's lips, had my first Westmalle beer, kneeled down to photograph a small slug that was having her moment of fame slithering across the red carpet, smiling and everything, only for some bloke to walk right on top of her and carry her away on the sole of his crap shoe:

I like to think that when he got home that night, she dislodged herself from between the grooves in his sole and slid into his snoring mouth to have slug babies. Go here for more pictures of the trip.

04-10-08 / NOTHING OF MUCH CONSEQUENCE EXCEPT MY BELT

Well the good news is that my wrist is neither broken nor fractured. It's just buggered. For the time being anyway. I also woke with a cold today, the day that I have to record a commentary track for Soft, now certain to be a hideously nasal affair.

Last week, in Dublin airport, I forgot to remove my belt when walking through security-check's scanners. A security guard took it from me and I walked through again to prove I didn't have a samurai sword in my pocket, then, while I struggled to repack my other belongings on the conveyor belt, with one working hand, he somehow failed to return it to me and I ended up rushing off without it. It was the only belt I ever wore and it used to be my dad's. Even writing about it in past tense is killing me. It's older than I am and I'm devastated because lost property don't have it, even though many other belts were handed in that day. I can't even remember the security guard's face in order to picture it being slapped repeatedly by an enlarged version of my one working hand. I went to try and buy some kind of contemporary replacement today but it was predictably miserable. All those twatty 'jesuslovesblahblahblah' belts that fashion spackers wear have never failed to irritate me but today... oh, man.

This has nothing to do with work but it felt good to get it off my chest.

25-09-08 / JAPAN / RANT / ACCIDENT

Sometimes it can be very hard to leave a place behind at the end of a festival, which is exactly how I feel about having just returned from Sapporo in Japan once again. It's pointless even trying to describe how much I love this festival, or indeed Japanese culture as a whole. While so much is happening at the moment and I often need to be in two places at once, this was exactly what the doctor ordered. I met great people, had memorable times, and I'm thoroughly saddened that it's all over. So affecting was the experience that I have been considering a new format for this site in order to accommodate a more detailed blog/diary section, but that's something for the future, perhaps. A big old gallery of pictures can be seen here.

After a sleepless, hotel-less final stopover in Tokyo on the way home, I was stuck in an aisle seat on the twelve-hour return flight with little hope of rest, and my subsequent hyper-sensitivity made getting onto the London underground at Heathrow even more of a nightmare than it should have been. Fellow commuters were reading the free London papers with their interminable coverage of the same old yawnshit 'celebrities' entering/exiting parties. My piss started to boil. This soon gave way to an all-consuming sadness. It was as if I had been away from home for two years rather than two months (including Berlin). I was somehow surprised by the bilge that never fails to generate public interest, realising how desensitised I must have become when faced with it every day. I found some solace in fantasising that all the media attention these people get will eventually incite an enormous backlash, ending the epidemic once and for all. The problem is that I have been anticipating said backlash for the last six or seven years and it still hasn't happened. So, the hour-long journey to King's Cross took me through the whole spectrum of emotions, and then I received a call that compounded my fears about the upcoming american film I moaned about in my last entry. Welcome home.

I stuck around in London for a small screening of Dogging which involved most of the cast, some crew, investors, distributors and the like. It was the first time I had seen the graded picture at full resolution, 99% finished, combined with the sound (I'm never satisfied with the sound). As the screening was late afternoon, the subsequent drinking with people I hadn't seen together since we filmed almost two years ago got a little out of hand. I ended up drunken pavement wrestling with one of the actors and did something to my wrist which, after a day of increasing pain and creeping bruises, required a visit to accident and emergency the following evening. My arm is in a cast, and further x-rays will confirm if my wrist is broken, but I don't think so. The nurse told me that it's the scafoid bone, which, if not treated properly, can lead to arthritis in older age. Fantastic. The only thing that makes me happier than this news is trying to type this with one hand and having to correct typo errors every three words.

02-09-08 / BERLIN / DOGGING / BERLIN / DOGGING / BERLIN / DOGGING

Well, having just returned from six weeks finishing Dogging: A Love Story in sunny Berlin, I can safely say that it's nice to be doing something else with my time for a little while. Even if that 'something else' is paying outrageous telephone bills and attempting to mow overgrown lawns while they are still wet. There have been many little ups and downs throughout post-production and I can't think of anything more simultaneously boring and painful than bleating on about it here, suffice to say that, finally it's almost over. Just a couple of images to tweak in the title sequence, a wait for the 35mm print to be born, and the search for a vacancy in the nearest warm cave.

The huge delay (it should have been released a year ago) has meant that one particular idea I created for the film appears to have now been employed by an upcoming sex-comedy from the US called Sexdrive. I was furious when I found out and couldn't work for a day, staring out of the window like an incapacitated gibbon. Then I found out last week that our release has been pushed to early NEXT year, meaning that, according to the history books, Sexdrive will precede us by a year. Despite my hopes that said film is shit, I heard it was tipped to be "the new Superbad" and then I wanted to hurt people. Still, saying something is "the new...(anything)" is hopefully a good sign that it's bilge after all. Don't ask me if i'm happy with mine though. I haven't got a clue. Expect something commercial, perhaps.

But bollocks to all that. The producer says i'll end up in an early grave if I carry on this way (like I don't know that already) so let's talk about how much I love Berlin. Actually, no I can't do that either because it plummets me into a black realisation that i'm now home, trying to cope with the greyness of a rip-off world I abandoned just long enough for it to become a nightmare to return to. All of the shit I expected but somehow still couldn't avoid, like retarded fascist estate agents (another boring but painful story).

Soft scooped Best Cinematography the Kodak Short Film Awards, which is surely its final, cheeky bow.

07-07-08 / ARTFILM INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL, SLOVAKIA

I left my best pants in a cupboard in Slovakia. Shit. Located in the idyllic northern Slovak town of Trencianske Teplice, Artfilm International Film Festival is a ninety minute drive from Bratislava airport and the moment I got to my hotel I was urged to dump my bags in my room and join everyone for a medieval banquet at a beautiful big castle, including lots of food and drink. This was swiftly followed with games and performances by folk in medieval costume, and finally a night tour of the castle itself, complete with spectres jumping out of dark corners. A pretty unexpected first evening, and then I found the VIP bar with unlimited free quantities of any drink (every night). When I asked for a glass of champagne they said I could only have a bottle! Dangerous, but a great way to meet people, which can get confusing when there are four Janas, three Zuzanas, and as much Borovicka as you dare to drink. Soft screened well and I wished I could have stayed longer than the meagre four days I had. It was a lovely, relaxed time and I didn't even get to use the spa or swimming pool.

Coming home was the usual shit. Groups of gobby English lads (again with popped collars on their polo shirts) who invaded Bratislava for the cheap beer and couldn't keep themselves quiet on the plane, jeering at the flight attendants (one of them hollered "Oh yeah, buckle me up baby!" from the back while the seatbelt procedure was being demonstrated, I kid you not). It's always so toe-curlingly embarrassing. Do these people have no cringe bone?

Three festivals and a music video in four weeks isn't bad going. If you have a few minutes to kill while the kettle is boiling or your cornflakes are sinking, you can go here for an image gallery.

01-07-08 / MUSIC VIDEO / NEW MAGAZINE ARTICLE / MAX RICHTER

Finished cutting the music video for Swimming's new single Panthalassa. Hats off to everyone who turned up and trooped underground to Nottingham's cosy Baselab studio to jump about and play merry hell. My head wept like a loaded sponge and I was only filming.

Go here for an article in the impressive new 4Talent magazine. The scan is 1mb for legible text so how quickly it appears will depend on the speed of your connection. I popped into Borders bookstore on Oxford Street to see if Filmwaves magazine was selling like nobody's business but there were lots of them on the shelf. Hmm. Maybe they just, er, restocked after popular demand.

I finally got to see Max Richter perform live (the composer whose music I used for A Storm and Some Snow), double-billed with Johan Johansson, in a church. Very satisfying it was too. You would have to be missing a spine not to be stirred by the time it was all over. As both composers neatly dovetail classical with electronic elements, I wasn't quite sure which way the vibe would swing and wondered if everyone would be exteremely serious and wearing suits. Then they handed out fizzy sweets at the door and I noticed that Max was wearing jeans and trainers. Brilliant.

17-06-08 / PORTUGAL

Having just been to Festroia Film Festival in Portugal to present Soft in the Prix UIP section, I feel obliged to rant about flying for a bit. Carbon footprints aside, flying is shit. We all know how hideous cheap airlines can be, airlines such as Ryanair, the flying equivalent of catching the local bus that only costs one pence until you then have to cough up £24.99 tax and a further £24.99 tax tax. They never hesitate to proudly boast to their passengers if they land at their destination ahead of schedule but completely fail to even acknowledge, let alone offer an explanation, if they are late. And let's not mention the shrill commercials for energy drinks and scratchcards that bleat your ears off from the moment you set foot on the plane. I could write an essay on the wrongs of this stupid little company but it's well documented already and there's even a book devoted to it. So...

... this time I flew with BMI and, with my outbound flight being delayed by two hours, things didn't get off to a promising start. Then I had the serious misfortune of being seated directly in front of a gaggle of let's-all-get-pissed-as-fast-as-we-can blokes. You know the type, collar-popped polo shirts tucked into their jeans, shit trainers, identical haircuts, almost certainly bullied at school and making up for it ever since by seeing who can sink the most beer. The main problem is that these money-sucking airlines never refuse alcohol to anyone, no matter how shitfaced and annoying they might get.

So, after the whole plane got to hear about the menchildren's drinking itinerary for the evening, and a mildly bumpy landing in Lisbon saw snakebite being splashed down the back of my neck, I escaped the plane and was shot of them at last. Time to start to calming down and wondering why I still haven't moved to Germany. The festival driver then tells me that, as the flight was so delayed and it was late in the evening, I wasn't likely to find much to eat in our destination town of Setúbal unless I was prepared to eat McDonalds. I was starving, so against my better judgement I had one of their meal things. My body refused to digest it and after walking about with a brick in my stomach for a couple of hours I vowed never to eat a McDonalds again. How the hell people eat it on a regular basis I'll never know.

After these teething troubles things calmed down and the festival had a lovely, laid back vibe. Within no time I found a cold beer and a bean bag. The following day the sun was scorching and I went to the beach, ate actual food and met nice people. Over the whole weekend I only actually got to watch one film, a rather forgettable Polish feature, but I bumped into the actor Nickolas Grace, who played the Sheriff of Nottingham in the 1984 television series Robin of Sherwood.

When the time came to fly back to the UK I was overjoyed to discover that my return flight was delayed by an hour and would land too late to catch a train back to Nottingham. Deep breaths. By this point I hated BMI so much that everything they did would infuriate me, like announcing before we took off that the plane had "two free toilets" as if such facilities were some kind of luxury extra that we should be paying a surcharge for, or by stating that their selection of drinks and snacks were available "at competitive prices". Now, I can't say that paying almost a pound for a can of coke the size of a baby's foot is value for money, but "competitive"? At 35,000 feet in the air, who are they competing with exactly?!? I guess they must mean Ryanair.

Go here for a teeny, tiny, almost pointless gallery of images from the trip.

12-06-08 / HAMBURG

Just returned from the annual trip to Hamburg International Short Film Festival, which was great, of course. This year I was crippled by hay fever for most of each day, which was something of a nightmare, but it was great to see familiar faces again. Dying Backwards screened in the Three Minute Quickie competition and Soft was screened on the side of a building to an audience of approximately one thousand people for the excellent Wall is a Screen event. I will post a picture as soon as I have one.

27-05-08 / FUR TV / SPRING CLEANING

I just witnessed what became of my second Fur TV episode since my departure. To say it that it was quite distressing would be putting things mildly.

I'm cleaning and organising my house in an effort to cleanse my soul. I've been doing it slowly for over a week now and it's working a treat. Throwing stuff out is fantastic catharsis and finding a home for things that have been laying around for over a year brings major satisfaction. I was just telling my bafta-bothering friend Dan Mulloy about a battle I had last night with a new shelf, feeling all victorious and triumphant, and he said that if I was having a battle with a shelf then the shelf has won already. Damn.

23-04-08 / HAHA

Well I never, look who made the cover of Filmwaves magazine...

Nothing else to report yet as i've either been doing completion on the feature or thinking about cleaning my house, putting shelves up everywhere, getting some exercise, or sleeping. So far I have only managed the latter. Oh and I just mowed my lawns, so that's a bit of exercise, isn't it.

20-04-08 / THINGS THAT ARE SHIT

Well it all went okay in Hull last night but some other things are shit. For starters, the top shit is having discovered that one of the first music tracks I included in Dogging, which has been in the film for over a year now, is also used in the upcoming feature film Donkey Punch. It isn't even a well known piece and this depresses me enormously.

The next shit down is that I had to walk away from Fur TV due to the proverbial “creative differences”, which has been a first for me. The show launches on MTV in a couple of weeks and I don't know if I have the will to watch my episodes. A damn shame. It should be huge and will make some people very rich.

The penultimate shit is the fresh reminder of my general irritation with 'something-someone' film titles. You know the type - Raising Cain, Raising Arizona, Raising Victor Vargas, Regarding Henry, Chasing Amy, Killing Zoe, Becoming Jane, Being John Malkovich (to name a few), and now we have Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I wouldn't like anyone to think that I lose sleep over such shameless formulae but REALLY...

02-04-08 / TWO NEW SHORTS COMPLETED / TALK AT GLIMMER FILM FESTIVAL

I have just completed two new experimental shorts. Dying Backwards has been in my head ever since I shot footage of a car that exploded in my street, six years ago. Subterranean Scene Filter is a montage of isolated Manhattan perspectives as seen through the steamy discharge that oozes from beneath the streets, shot last year on my visit to the Manhattan Short Film Festival.

Later this month I will be yapping about stuff at Hull Short Film Festival (of which I am now a patron, don't you know) and presenting a screening of some of my favourite short films. Billed as a BAFTA-sponsored masterclass, i'm very much looking forward to some proper fish and chips from the birthplace of every member of my family except me. I'll always remember as a kid thinking that the Humber Bridge looked all wrong when the cranes were removed from the top. It ruined all my drawings.

10-03-08 / 'SOFT' WINS L.A BAFTA

Soft is the winner of a rather curious BAFTA/LA award, which appears to be the Los Angeles arm of BAFTA, described in their own words as 'the bridge between the Hollywood and British production and entertainment business communities'.

07-03-08 / 'SOFT' WINS IN FLORIDA / CINEQUEST BLOG

Soft just won the Grand Prize at The Indie Shorts Competition in Fort Lauderdale : )

I also just found this review of the film from a blogger called 'JFromm' at Cinequest Film festival In San Jose (California), which is only a few days old:

"Director Simon Ellis' short film Soft was surely the favorite at the March 1st screening of shorts. The most powerful film of the bunch, Soft had audiences members yelling enthusiastic “woops” when the film's main antagonist finally got a cricket bat to the back of the skull. It was impressive to see the amount of profoundly intense and honest emotion Ellis was able to fit into the 14-minute character-driven short. The film's story concerns the relationship dynamics between a father and son, both tormented by a group of violent hoodlums. With a moving, complete little plot, effective storytelling and magnificent acting, Soft is the type of short that sticks with you"

I guess I owe JFromm a pint, and an apology for editing their review slightly (I didn't want to give the end away to those who haven't seen the film).

01-03-08 / BAFTA / ARTE INTERVIEW

This is a well-overdue entry since the BAFTAs were weeks ago now, but i haven't had access to my website while I have been working away from home on the MTV series. A massive thank you to all those people who have emailed me saying I was robbed at the BAFTAs. If i had a penny for each of you then there would be enough to buy a cheap bottle of wine or a pint of decent lager, at least. The whole experience was as alien as could be expected. During the day, while everyone was rushing around getting dressed up and styled for the evening, I arrived at the Dorchester Hotel to collect my goodie bag and bumped into Sylvester Stallone. I don't think anything in the evening out-weirded that moment.

Go here for an interview about Soft from the European Film Academy event in Gent last October.

27-01-08 / 'SOFT' WINS SUNDANCE! / BAFTA

Soft won the international jury prize at Sundance Film Festival in Utah. This is extremely big news and a great honour. I found out via a congratulatory SMS from the film's executive producer, then a load of emails from friends, although the festival haven't contacted me yet.

The BAFTA stuff gets weirder. After investing in a pair of shoes for the first time in my life since school, I just found out that, being nominated includes complimentary styling. I'll be suited and booted and chauffer-driven to the event as part of the deal...

18-01-08 / BAFTA NOMINATION / FLICKERFEST WIN / DOGGING / MADNESS

Soft is now a BAFTA nominated film and the ceremony is on February 10th (the evening before my first episode of the MTV series, grrrr). This means I will finally have to buy a pair of shoes and generally feel weird around lots of famous people. It also means free food though, which I will consume with wild abandon if work commitments are going to prevent me from enjoying the free alcohol. I can't say i'm upset that the Oscars might be cancelled due to the writer's strike, hehe.

Soft also won the Special Jury Prize at Flickerfest in Sydney, which is great because the film was rejected by both Melbourne and Sydney Festivals so I was beginning to think that Australia just didn't like it for some reason.

I am now days away from picture-lock on Dogging. This weekend was supposed to be Sundance weekend so I intend to make the most of my not being there by finishing the edit instead falling asleep every other hour.

Several major companies have been in touch about what my next project is and it's all rather perplexing. Sundance would have ended up being meeting after meeting and i'd have been wiped out after a few hours. Things are changing. Opportunities are increasing. As are the risks of making wrong decisions...

12-01-08 / 'SOFT' WINS IN LONDON / MTV

Soft won the teenage jury award at London Short Film Festival, which was well satisfying when the other films in competition were so strong. I've suddenly become really conscious of how to act when collecting awards and I find myself trying to get off stage as quickly as possible.

Started work on the new series. All i'm allowed to say is that it's for MTV.

13-12-07 / SUNDANCE / TV SERIES / DOGGING / BASS INVADERS

Soft has got into Sundance, which is great considering they selected only 83 films out of 5100 entries. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend because I'll be directing a few episodes of a brand spanking new series for MTV in the new year but I can't say what it is yet.

Just completed the last shots for Dogging and I'm now only days away from the first complete cut.

27-11-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN ROMANIA

Two colleagues have independently informed me that Soft also won the main prize at DaKino Short Film Festival in Bucharest at the weekend, making it a hat trick on Saturday, which is surely a once-in-a-lifetime thing. The festival have yet to inform me themselves, despite my emailing them twice. Funny old world.

25-11-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN BRISTOL AND OURENSE

Soft scooped Best British Short at Encounters International Short Film Festival in Bristol, and Best Direction at Ourense International Film Festival in Spain. It's getting crazy now and I'm starting to feel strangely guilty. Maybe that's not the right word but it feels peculiar. I couldn't attend both festivals as I was doing a talk at Encounters, which went well considering my DVD wouldn't play. Everyone was so damn nice. Even the 2am Stifado that resembled a plate of Pedigree Chum (dog munch) was nice. I just got back home after a typically shit UK train journey, withered but smiling.

18-11-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN ITALY

Soft won Best Fiction Short at Cortopotere Short Film Festival in Bergamo, Italy : )

13-11-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN BERLIN

Soft won the top prize at Interfilm in Berlin. A hell of a prize and a perfect end to a great trip. People still turned up to my screenings even though they could have been out building snowmen, which you have to be humbled by. The retrospective screenings went well but a slight change in the films from the usual selection freaked me out unexpectedly. I was more aware of the flaws in my work than ever before and found myself sinking lower and lower into my chair each minute. There was some quality squealing from the back during What about the Bodies though, hehe.

I almost found a new hat, having seen it in a window late one night, just over the road from where I was staying. Damned if I could find the same shop the next day though.

04-11-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN GENEVA / GENT PICTURES

Soft won the Refelt d'Or for Best Short Film at Cinéma tout Ecran in Geneva, Switzerland. Excellent. I just received the email after waking from a dream where I snapped my two front teeth shorter with some pliers, but now I feel good again.

Some images from the gathering of finalists in Belgium a few weeks ago. Almost all of the thirteen filmmakers were present in Gent for two days of free food and fine hotel rooms with big massive beds that you could sleep on in every conceivable angle and still be miles from the edge. Having slept properly for the first time in a long time, it inspired me to buy a new bed, new mattress, new pillows, new duvet, new sheets and new pillowcases. No shit. My new bed is well smart.

31-10-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN NEW YORK / MORE JAPAN PICS

Soft just won Best Drama at NYC Shorts.

More pictures from Sapporo in Japan here, courtesy of the festival and fellow filmmaker Aaron Wilson.

22-10-07 / SAPPORO VIDEO DIARY ONLINE / CORK

My video diary from Sapporo in Japan is now online at the BBC Film Network.

Just got back from Cork International Film Festival with Jane (Soft's producer). A pleasure as always. We didn't win anything but when I saw how strong the programming was, I can't say I was surprised. Met US director John Dahl (Red Rock West, The Last Seduction), who was a lovely chap and extremely generous with his praise for Soft. He made considerable effort to convince me that travelling to L.A to work within the studio system wasn’t necessarily the poisoned chalice I considered it to be (“You can always get out, but you can’t always get in”). Soft got an extra screening on the Opera House's massive screen, to a capacity audience, before John's new feature 'You Kill Me'. Smart.

16-10-07 / 'SOFT' WINS TWO MORE / GOODBYE OSCARS / BELGIUM

Soft won Best Film in the International Competition at Imago International Film Festival in Portugal. It also won Best Film at Colchester International Short Fim Festival, which I didn't even know I had submitted to.

After all the trouble getting a 35mm print to them, the academy emailed me to say that the film wasn't eligible for the Oscars because it had screened on Channel Four prior to winning its qualifying award. I could have died. I didn't know whose throat I wanted to tear out first. What an enormous balls-up, especially when the broadcast was wasted on a 3am audience anyway. This tragedy, which has cost a lot of effort and money on my part, confirms two of my beliefs. One is about the academy and their 'rules' (unprintable here because my mam might be reading) and the other is that screening shorts on television IS more than pointless, after all.

Had a fun weekend in Belgium at the Flanders Film Festival. It was the Prix UIP gathering, where myself and the other twelve nominees meet and see each other's films. The highlight for me was seeing a scruffy old print of The Warriors on the big screen, introduced by Walter Hill himself, which made me mope about missing out on the Wonder Wheel interview all over again (see the Manhattan entry below if you have absolutely no idea what I'm banging on about). Full of drunken brio, I addressed Kathleen Turner with such brazen informality that my fellow filmmakers thought we knew each other, doh.

08-10-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN MANHATTAN

Soft scooped the Best Editing award at Manhattan Short Film Festival. When each filmmaker was asked to choose an iconic location for their interview, I opted for the iconic Wonder Wheel on Coney Island (from The Warriors) and was told to keep an eye on my phone the next day for further info. No info came and the following evening I found out that the festival had not only arranged it, but it was due to be stopped while I was at the top and everything, and for some maddening reason the festival’s messages never got through to my phone. I understand that the girl who arranged everything was very upset indeed, and it will be a missed opportunity that I will never forget and always regret. An assortment of snaps from the trip can be found here.

21-09-07 / RETROSPECTIVE WINS IN JAPAN / SOFT WINS IN D.C

My six-film retrospective just won the Filmmaker Grand Prix at Sapporo International Short Film Festival in Japan. The trip was a truly fantastic experience and a video diary of my time there will be online very soon. Some snapshots from this very special festival can be found here for the time being.

Meanwhile, Soft picked up an Audience Choice award at DC Shorts in the States.

31-08-07 / 'SOFT' WINS AT CONCORTO / INTERVIEW / 'DOGGING' UPDATE

Soft won another at Concorto in Italy :)

After having struggled with other commitments I finally managed to begin shooting pick-ups for the feature, which was basically a dogging session in a car park in darkest London. My hat goes off to those who came along and performed, so if any of you are reading this THANK YOU again!

29-08-07 / 'SOFT' WINS AT PALM SPRINGS

I just received an email from someone at Athens Film Festival congratulating me on my win at Palm Springs in the USA. Having no idea what he was talking about I went and checked online and Soft has won 'Best of the Fest', which is its second Oscar-qualifying win after Toronto. Needless to say I am ready to piss myself.

28-08-07 / SKINS / SARAJEVO / 'SOFT' WINS AT EDINBURGH

After much thought, I have declined directing duties on the second series of Channel 4's Skins, which was a painful decision to make when the people at Company Pictures were so nice that it was sure to smashing. Soft's success has attracted several excellent offers on sure-to-be-successful TV ventures but I have to get the feature finished. At least I don't watch TV so won't get wound up by what I might have missed out on.

Sarajevo was great, if brief. The temperature reached 41 degrees, which somebody told me was a record high there. Go here for some snaps.

Soft has won the European Film Academy's Prix UIP Award at Edinburgh Film Festival, which is an important part of the festival strategy so i'm delighted. Lead actor Jonny Phillips (below) went to collect the award in my absence. I was at Sarajevo Film Festival standing right beside Juliette Binoche when I received the call, making for a very pleasant moment.

31-07-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN BRAZIL

Soft won Best International Short at Belo Horizonte International Short Film Festival in Brazil.

13-07-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN LUDWIGSBURG / GUARDIAN REVIEW

It has been really hectic these last couple of weeks. Soft won the Best Screenplay award at the European Short Film Biennale in Ludwigsburg, Germany. Having only intended to be at the festival for a few days I had to stay longer to collect the award, which meant returning to the UK and leaving on a rescheduled flight to Vila do Conde in Portugal within a few hours. Some snaps here.

Guardian critic Peter Bradshaw wrote a startling blog-cum-review about Soft a few days ago, which was an excellent surprise.

01-07-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN CAPALBIO, ITALY

More nutness. Two days ago I received a call from Capalbio Cinema International Short Film Festival in Tuscany, Italy, informing me that Soft had won the Best Direction Award. They flew me over the next day (yesterday) to attend the ceremony and moonlit beach party and, 24 hours later, I am now back already. I've had around three hours of kip in as many days but for some reason I'm still awake so I'll probably pass out any moment now, like the sleep-needing lightweight that I am. The festival was a different experience to most, with its holiday beach and beautiful open-air cinema in the heart of an ancient village up in the hills, boasting a screen flanked by flaming torches (which were maybe just for the awards ceremony, to be fair).

26-06-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN ST. PETERSBURG

It's my birthday today and at 3am I found out that Soft won Best Fiction Short at Message to Man Film Festival in St. Petersburg, Russia. I had my visa sorted to attend that festival too but editing commitments wouldn't allow it. That's four gongs in the last three weeks :)

21-06-07 / HAMBURG VIDEO DIARY

See my video diary for the BBC Film Network from Hamburg International Short Film Festival here.

18-06-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN TORONTO

Soft won in Toronto last night, which now makes it eligible for an Academy Award nomination.

15-06-07 / 'SOFT' WINS IN HAMBURG

Soft just won the audience award and a special mention from the jury at Hamburg International Short Film Festival. Other festival acceptances for the film are racking up. There will be a video diary from Hamburg at the BBC Film Network next week but until then, some snaps here.

23-05-07 / ‘DOGGING’ / 'SOFT' AT CANNES / CHANNEL FOUR

Dogging has been my favourite pain in the arse for what seems like forever. Editing something of this scale has fully reignited a love/hate opinion of editing. Heaven and hell on the same plate, which is pretty much a continuation of the shoot.

After its screening on Channel Four for insomniacs at shit o'clock in the morning, Soft is starting to hit the festivals. My opportunities to see it with a wide range of international audiences are diminishing as things get frustratingly busy. It seems to be causing a nice little stir at the short film corner in Cannes and i've had several encouraging emails from people who have watched it, including one fella who said he whooped out loud and was asked to be quiet.

I should be directing two episodes of a very popular Channel Four television series at the end of the year but haven't signed on the dotted line yet so I won't jinx things by saying what it is (Update: It was the second series of Skins). I'm fully shitting myself about post-production on the feature being even slightly unfinished before I begin. After the crossover I experienced on Soft and Dogging, I really don't want to go there again. Goodbye wellbeing.

16-03-07 / 'DOGGING' INTERVIEW / TAMPERE FESTIVAL / 'SOFT' IN 35MM

I am now one hour into the edit of Dogging and I haven't lost my marbles yet, which is nice. There is a brand spanking new interview about the making of the film on BBC Film Network.

Go here for a gallery of my visit to Tampere Short Film Festival in Finland, where A Storm and Some Snow was in competition. Film highlights for me included Bálint Kenyeres' Before Dawn (Hungary), Nacho Martin's El Cerco (The Fence) (Spain) and Barney Elliott's True Colours (UK).

Three days ago I got to see the 35mm test print of Soft, which was the first time I have seen my work on celluloid. Oh man. Having been back and forth to Berlin several times in between editing duties on the feature to try and finish it, seeing the print was a thoroughly gratifying experience. The film will screen at Nottingham's Bang Short Film Festival on Sunday 25th March and we are hoping to get a print in time to screen on glorious 35.

15-01-07 / 'A STORM AND SOME SNOW' WINS

A Storm and Some Snow won the VX Auteur Theory award at London's Halloween Film Festival and the winnings EXACTLY covered the cost of licensing the music so that's a good start to the year.

25-12-06 / 'DOGGING' WRAPS

Wrapped on my debut feature Dogging just before Christmas in Newcastle and it feels weird to have my life back. It was sad to leave behind, despite needing a year of sleep. Everybody worked really bloody hard and the material looks great. 2007 will see the mammoth task of editing and hopefully a theatrical release towards the end of the year.

29-10-06 / ‘SOFT’

Just been back to Berlin for the spit-and-polish on Soft. Almost there! It’s own page is now in the films section.

21-10-06 / 'DOGGING’ CASTING / CORK / BERLIN

After lots of auditions with casting director Victoria Beattie, the ensemble for the feature is almost fully cast. We begin shooting in Newcastle, three weeks from now. In between this and finishing Soft at Elektrofilm in Berlin, things have been pretty hectic. Matthias Schwab mixed the film on a screen the size of my house

I also managed to visit Cork Film Festival with A Storm and Some Snow and sat on a panel with filmmakers Peter Foott and Jens Jonsson. It’s difficult not get shitfaced in Cork Opera House (especially for photographers, as evidenced below) and the festival’s usual hospitality ensured that lots of time was spent recovering. The overall experience was superb thanks to its legendary organisers who, as always, made us feel more than welcome. Without doubt, one of my favourite festivals.

Here are some random snapshots from both trips. The last image is my travel pal and fellow filmmaker Iain Finlay smuggling an Irish potato onto the return flight, while remembering that I’d just finished the previous night's curry for breakfast. But check this out - when we landed in Birmingham I predicted that my bag would be the first to appear on the conveyor belt, and it was, so Iain guessed that his would be “errrrrrr… 25th” and it bloody well was :o

01-09-06 / GO!

Bubtowers is finally online. There is no film content to stream or download but a few films can be found on other sites for those interested enough to go mooching. Links are provided on the appropriate pages.

Currently, i'm just completing my new short Soft for FilmFour and UK Film Council's ‘Cinema Extreme’. The film is set to premiere in November at Encounters Film Festival in Bristol.

New short A Storm and Some Snow is out there trying to nudge its way into a festival near you (or miles away from you).

Unexpectedly, my short documentary Freya (3) will premiere at this year's London Film Festival.

All being well, my first feature film Dogging is due to begin shooting with Vertigo Films at the end of the year.